sighs a lot probably don't even deserve to have somewhere to keep whining about things i ruined myself but wow i feel so awful lately i feel like all i ever do is ruin my own opportunities and hurt people i'm not going to get anything out of real life, i'm stuck here doing nothing until i die with no point in it because i'm too physically ill to even go out regularly. all i am is a burdern to people who try to help. stuff like tumblr used to be an escape for a while, somewhere i could help people and feel like i was genuinely doing something good and worthwhile. until DID decided to fuck that up for me because i'm too weak to even see something upsetting without dissociating and an alter hurting people. i worsened that myself by handling it badly because i was terrified to even talk to the people charm hurt. people there probably hate me now and i deserve it, all i've done is hurt people anyway. then somebody decides to literally steal my name and interests and entire way of talking, and when i try to ask them to stop i get yelled at and called slurs by a friend of theirs i'd never even met. said friend is still sending me hare trying to spread shit about me saying i'm an awful person and there's nothing i can do. i just want to be a good person and not hurt people anymore. it feels like hyrting people is all i'm alive to do. idk why i'm still here. i'm probably just manipulative even typing this.
You are more than your struggles and more than your mistakes. You're not deadweight, you're not a bad person, and it's really fucking difficult but you can keep going and make something meaningful of your life. I don't know you, but I care about you and I believe in you.
i'm really sorry you're feeling like this :[ it's not manipulative to have a space to vent, and you're not worthless or undeserving of help/sympathy just because you've made mistakes i don't really know what else to say, so here's pretty ocean vines http://the-earth-story.com/post/140519993584/ http://jpnvines.tumblr.com/post/141876403922/
Have a video of cuttlefish hatching :D Peaceful music, and it shows them doing their first color change and swim!
ye lling i rly miss tumblr a lot and wanna go back lately bc it was the main thing that made me happy but idk if thats gonna be healthy for me or anyone shellse theres probubbly people there that hate me now and im scared a lot,,,, idk what to do
//hugs if wanted considering how badly you ended up melting down, i think if you go back you should stick strictly to one part of it, blacklist sj type stuff, idk. I don't really tumblr anymore.
yeah ;;; i think i maybe could go back if i blacklisted anyfin stressful but idk how good it'd be for me,,, i reely miss having lots of followers and friends there and feeling like i could help people but i'm just scared to go back now...
your mental health is priority, and also trying to mitigate situation where you could get hurt or accidentally hurt others. see, why i never go on "ughsocialjustice" anymore. (the unironic usage of "sjw takeover" as a tag) (agh)
ughh oh gosh yeah ;;;; that's exactly what it is reely, i miss what i had there but i'm scared of hurting myself or someone shellse because it can be such a stressful place... i just feel like i have nofin to do over the summer and i miss talking to people there so much but im scared people hate me! :c
8Ic Hm.. I've seen someone do the two blog thing. One blog that's their happy place, where they only keep things that make them happy on the blog and on their dash and have a strict policy on themselves to keep it positive and keep things separated. Heavier topics or directly dealing with people where things could get heavy is the separate blog, that they go on when they're more stable. They've got ponify for rewording things they want to deal with but just can't handle the words themselves sometimes. They've still got a sturdy blacklist, block, and savior thing in place. But it gives them that bit of comfort like.. Of enjoying the good parts without poking the bear with the stick too much. It's your social media experience, you're allowed to curate it to suit your wishes however you please. It also lets you have anonymity if you want, if they're totally separate accounts. Enjoying things care free on one and kind of gently poking your head in on the other with a This Is Me instead, if you feel up to it at any given time.
mmm yeah! i'm mostly just scared of somefin similar to the incident with charm harpooning again and idk if i'm reely welcome there after what happened;;; i'm super scared of being hated
Mmm.. Yeah that is a problem.. 8Ic I don't know the entire situation or the things that may potentially make your situation worse/upset you so I'm not sure what all the offer safely. I don't know how to fix any of the done damage personally, but preventing future things: if you know the types of things that may set Charm off and get them active and block them/remove that risk, is there a fallback method you could use as a safe guard? Like a message you could leave somewhere that they could see if they became active, with instructions that potentially they'd listen to or take notice of until they'd stop being active?
i've apologized to the people charm hurt personally but i'm still just scared of it oh gosh;; and as for a fallback maybe? i don't rly have much experience talking to them bc the thing is they don't front unless i'm geniunely reely distressed and i'm not super familiar with any way to get them to stop... the best option i'd have right now is just to make shore i had anyfin that scares me blacklisted just in case ;;
:Nodnod: That sounds like the safest route if you wanted to go back, even just for carefree fun times. it would probably be mostly prudent to avoid the folks that got caught in the crossfire, just in case, to avoid stress all around. Avoid stressy memories, yeah? Clear slate. Yesterday is yesterday, apologies were made and cleanup was done to best you could do, which is all I can imagine anyone would really want. It was a situation beyond your control, and you made the best of it that you could afterward. ono And... hm. >:Ic That might be something to consider, even if it's not guaranteed to help? I mean, realistically I'd be curious as shit to find something addressed to me somewhere. If they come forward when you're extremely distressed, the intensity outward might be that direct parallel. Leaving something like hopeful instructions when you're in a calmer state of mind might, potentially at least, direct that intensity elsewhere into a more safe direction. Again, idk for sure! But any of the preventative stuff is 100% a good idea on any site you go to, for sure! :O Being happy and feeling safe by your own terms is Most Important Thing. ..It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on someone else. Can't help others, even if you want to, if you're not safe and secure yourself first.
@a small fis)( i don't rlly have anything in the way of practical advice i'm afraid but i offer hugs and hope that u find a good way to work everything out!!
