Sorting stuff out

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by palindromordnilap, Feb 2, 2017.

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  1. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    That's a good approach, I hope you're going to have success with it.
     
    • Like x 1
  2. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    So at this point I need to put on my own oxygen mask, as the parlance goes, and bow out.

    Alix, I wanted to help you, but you've gone way beyond my means to help. I hope someone else can.
     
    • Like x 13
  3. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    Thank you for the effort, and thank you for taking care of yourself.
     
    • Like x 7
  4. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    So, it has been advised that moving stuff here might be a good idea. So!
    Yup, I do.
    The thing is, no one has accepted my apologies so far, so that would mean apologize to no one.
    I'm leaving them alone when they're leaving me and my friends alone, which they seem to be able to do for at least a few days, apparently?
    Yup, and that's why this thread exists. I honestly think the last few posts I made here are good ideas, but I need to commit to them, which is harder than it initially seemed like, apparently.
    The thing is, it seems that the "chilled you out a lot" dose for me is the same as the "Whoops, there goes all my leg strength" dose. I also try to avoid taking it too often because of the risk of addiction.
    You're definitely right! Again, this thread has some good ideas but it seems I have a hard time actually remembering them when I'm upset, and I still don't know how to fix that problem.
    If I'm distancing myself, then it's not a conscious effort, I am genuinely confused at the shit I do when I'm splitting/having a meltdown/whatever. The increasing rate might, as has been mentioned above in this thread, be related to multiple factors like the general political climate, relations with my family, university-related stress, etc.
    Yup! This is why this thread exists, but, well, see above.
    Three. Three times.
    This is why I made both this thread and, when it seemed like it wasn't working, the poll thread.

    What I'm getting out of all of this is, I've got to try finding a way to do the "get up and leave whenever I feel I'm about to get upset" thing I do IRL, but this is kinda hard since Kintsugi is in the list of sites I literally-compulsively check. I have, however, just found a way to potentially solve this, I'm currently looking for an browser extension that would allow me to block a website at any time for a preset amount of time. It's surprisingly hard, all of the stuff I can find uses schedules.
     
  5. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    Aaaaaaaaand they're all for either Chrome or OSX.
     
  6. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    I found the thing! Kinda inconvenient since you have to restart the browser every time, but I think that'll do.
    Essentially, what happened here was: Avoid a few bad posts by thinking about whether they're appropriate, get angry anyway because the discussion keeps going, post a thing in your vent thread that you manage to convince yourself is totally appropriate due to faulty reasoning, and it all goes downhill from there. I think temp-blocking the site for something like an hour would possibly solve that problem, in a kinda similar way to those 10-minute self-harm timers.
     
    • Like x 1
  7. Ipuntya

    Ipuntya return of eggplant

    i don't like having to message someone privately about drama but i didn't know how else to clarify misinformation. it's extremely stressful and bothers me a lot, there is no accountability for what happens in private. i have no qualms about stuff i say in private being posted publicly, it actually feels less stressful for me that way.

    i'm gonna go slink away now to continue reeling unless i need to clarify anything else. it doesn't matter if you don't blame me, because i still blame myself
     
  8. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    Another thing: the thing with Jade and Cedar was an attempt to get them to hate me so that I would be able to cut off all ties with Kintsugi. It worked, as far as I know. Yay.
     
  9. Petra

    Petra space case

    Okay, that's about what I thought. Take care of yourself.
     
    • Like x 4
  10. Ipuntya

    Ipuntya return of eggplant

    i dont hate you. you just messed me up really bad
     
  11. leo

    leo Well-Known Member

    Apologies matter even if the person doesn't accept them.
     
    • Like x 8
  12. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    And I'm sorry for that, that was incredibly fucked up of me.
     
  13. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Yes, and also, don't ping people who ask you not to even if it's to apologize. Like, just the practice of saying your sincere apologies is good for you, even if the other person won't see it because they've set reasonable boundaries.
     
    • Like x 8
  14. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    I guess that makes sense, yeah.
    So, I would like to apologize to michinyo, evilas, and Bash (don't know his Kintsugi username) for the thing on Skype, to Ipuntya for upsetting her, to Vivec for suicide-baiting them again, and to Riley for lots of stuff. Note that most of those are things I didn't actually mean and just said to make them mad at me, though that's obviously no excuse. Those apologies, of course, don't have to be accepted.
     
    • Like x 1
  15. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    Ok, I think the "and my friends" part might be a bit of a problem. People are going to disagree with, get mad at, and flat out not like your friends sometimes. That doesn't mean you have to rush to their defense. And I don't think your friends want you to defend them by suicide baiting and making people hate you instead. Plus, it doesn't even really work; people just hate you and are still mad at your friend over whatever the original conflict was.

    It's good that you care about and want to help your friends but maybe let them fight their own battles more.
     
    • Like x 8
  16. spockandawe

    spockandawe soft and woolen and writhing with curiosity

    ^^^ Especially since Jade was talking about Vivec. Not going to dig into who said what on what platform, how to characterize the conversation, and all that business again. People are allowed to talk about whoever, wherever, etc. But if Jade talks about Vivec, I don't think it's reasonable to expect Vivec to not talk about Jade.

    And in general, I'm pretty sure that any requests from you that could be parsed as trying to control their behavior will... really not go over well right now
     
  17. michinyo

    michinyo On that Dumb Bitch Juice diet

    Did you just make an excuse as to why you won't apologize to me???
     
  18. michinyo

    michinyo On that Dumb Bitch Juice diet

    Whoops didn't read all the posts sorry about that
     
  19. spockandawe

    spockandawe soft and woolen and writhing with curiosity

    Eta: ahh, ninja'd :P

    No, no, pretty sure that was an apology, with the clarification that the things said to upset you were things that Alix doesn't mean outside of the meltdown spiral. I'm pretty positive they're definitely apologizing, stating that they don't mean the things they said, and saying that you're under no obligation to accept the apology.
     
  20. michinyo

    michinyo On that Dumb Bitch Juice diet

    Ngl the apology is very insincere sounding to me, really dismissive
     
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