shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Except its not even a very romantic sort oph pity, its just sort oph like when you see a barkbeast caught in a trap and on one hand you could let it out because its so sad looking but on the other hand youre just sitting there waiting to see where this all goes.

But take that and add a thick layer of boredom over it all. Unappealing but in a very tired and overwrought sort oph way. Man, and to think I used to be phucking scared of clown cultists!

 

DON'T CUT YOURSELF ON THAT EDGE!

YES, GREAT, I'M A TRASHBLOOD, PLEASE DO CONTINUE FLIPPING OUT ABOUT LAST SWEEP'S NEWS AND DESPERATELY SHAKING YOUR ASS AT ME. I'M SURE IN SOME UNIVERSE THAT'LL WORK, BUT IT'S NOT THIS ONE.

 

Well, my 5ociety ju5t 5o happens to con5ider it a crime, but ala5, I am willing to look pa5t that, ju5t for him!

Blech, pity. I do not need it, whether it be platonic or pale. I can be 5cary if need be—I am a 5ubjugglator after all—But I fear that you would be no fun, even I did know what your blood color i5. I am content with working the5e two up into a frenzy.

 

I guess I could drop the hemoanonymous shtick with everything thats gone to shit around here, but wheres the phun in that? Iph you can get it in three guesses Ill tell your phortune. Heres a hint: everyone dies phorever, the end.

 

It i5 called campy, dear, the Koezel Moloto experience i5 quite deliberate.

I a55ure you, it i5 working exactly a5 intended. And of cour5e, if you are going to beg of me to wiggle my po5terior for you like that, then how may I refuse?
-Koezel begins to twerk at Karkat, smiling serenely as he does this.-

 

>@ I'm appalled, nay, offended.
>@ Sweets, please spare us this travesty.

 

Sweet death embrace me, phor I do not want to live on this phucking plane oph existence any longer.

 

Oh, but a game i5 no fun without 5take5! What if I fail to gue55 correctly?

 

[karkat looks flatly unimpressed]

WHAT ARE YOU, FOUR? WHATEVER, THIS ISN'T WORTH MY TIME. YOUR ATTEMPTS TO RILE ME UP ARE FUCKING EMBARRASSING AND STAND UP NIGHT IS OVER; I'M NOT HUMORING THIS. YOU WANT ME TO CHEW YOU OUT YOU'LL NEED TO GIVE ME SOMETHING OTHER THAN TUBER PASTE TO GNAW ON.

1.5/5 HATS, PUPPET APPLICATION WAS UNINTENTIONALLY EFFECTIVE BUT EVERYTHING ELSE WAS A DISGRACE, TRY AGAIN.

[he summons a chair and a book, and starts reading]

 

[He hands him a hastily knitted blindfold]
>@ Hide ya eyes, pal
>@ You don't gotta hurt yourself by watching

 

-Koezel looks very pleased with himself, and begins to twerk with even more grace and enthusiasm.-

 

Iph you phail to guess correctly, Ill tell you your phortune anyways, but whatever I tell you is going to come true. Period, end oph story. Nothing you can do the change it. No matter what it is.

*He mournfully, and with great drama, covers his eyes.*

This is really nice phabric what the phuck. So sopht.

 

[Ghazal, looking like he's dying inside, simply takes off his glasses. Ah. Blessed Built In Blurr Censor.]

 

This is whY We aren't friends.

 

>@ Spidergoatdadsilk. And some skill with needles.
>@ You're welcome B)

 

Oh, you're declaring him caste-exempt? [Smiling brightly, Wiretap does step away from Afterglow now.] May I see your credentials then, Senator?

 

Im keeping this. Not sure what the phuck Ill do with it, it being a blindphold and all, but Im sure theres gotta be some kind oph way the leverage this. Blind prophet memery or some shit.

Wait phuck why wasnt I doing that bephore thats such a good phucking trope. Phuck.

 

Spoiler: gif

 

Enjoy the book, dearie! You know where to find me if we ever do thi5 again.

Meh, 5till no fun. Purple, violet, fuch5ia. Probably none of them, but I get to find out if you are higher or lower than me thi5 way.

How could you 5ay that, Vulcan?!
-Koezel makes an exaggerated distraught expression.-
We're in the 5ame troupe together, don't you know we have to "get along"?

 

Right then.

*He makes a big show of pulling out a deck of cards, flipping five of them from random points in the deck, and studying the five intently.*

Youre not going to achieve the level of noteriety youre looking phor. Your religion will give you no answers, its phounders will tell you no lies. Iph you try hard enough you might succeed, but its going to come at a cost so high it pheels like phailure. Lucky numbers are 892, 413, 0, and 84.

I guess youll phind out iph Im higher or lower depending on whether that comes true. Itll be great, we can have a big party while we wait.