shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Thanks," Valiska says, smiling.

"I accept your apology."

She's really surprised Lissa doesn't use the phrase k'sarat-inmei'chi more.

 

Finally, Lissa turns to the mechs in their cuddlepuddle. "I'm sorry about all that, Updraft, and I know it's ridiculous, because I'm tiny and squishy, but I'm sure I'm not the only person here who wishes they could've protected you."

 

Sometimes it's not so bad to tell others, try to be as open as you can. The worse thing to happen is someone not understand you. Perhaps you could get help without even asking for it.

 

Yeah. Yeah. I just forget that sometimes...

 

"Nobody's saying it's bad to tell others." Ford frowns. "But in the moment when you've hurt someone, that's not the person you should ask for help."

 

... I was trying to explain then, I think. Or working it out in my head. Not asking for help. *sighs* But I guess that's beside the point. Or... really far away from the point, that would be more technically accurate.

 

sounds fake
[he is...mostly joking. communicating that he has Real Emotions is still hard, but he is working on it. feelings jams ftw]

 

Heh. Yeah.

 

"I'm a person," Lissa says loudly, more at Church than to him. Then she relaxes a little.

"Look. The Planet of Fuck and Intestinal Pregnancy are concepts. They don't have feelings. Mechs and Talassani have feelings. I wouldn't have been upset if you'd said, 'man, this place is wild, this girl and her husband hooked up with some guy they just met, anything can happen here,' because that's true. I wouldn't have even been offended if you'd said that this was a place where you could meet and potentially fuck people from anywhere in the multiverse, of all shapes and sizes. Because that is also true. But you didn't say that, did you? Me having sex with two guys is not some goddamn fanfic trope just because I have furry ears and six nipples. It's me having sex with two guys because I love one of them and I really like what I know about the other one, and want to see more of him, because he seems like he's fun and appreciates me. And because I like sex. A lot."

 

*in the same tone and just as loud* I know.

... oh. That makes sense. And yeah, the way I talk a lot is rather callous, isn't it?

Sorry. *sighs* I really really really didn't realize. *church considers saying something else and then remembers what ford said and shuts up*

 

what the sweet christ did i miss and can i get a reprise
not to like butt in on an actual serious discussion cause i dont have two cents even to offer for this shit i open my
pockets and its just lint all the way down
but for intestinal pregnancy
for that i got a thousand dollars

 

Lissa sighs. "I'm not sure about 'callous'. What you were doing was equating actual living persons who were standing in your very near vicinity with porn cliches that do not represent actual feeling sapient sentient beings. Don't do that. It's not the way to make friends and get laid. I need you to understand this, so I can be sure that you get it and won't say something else just as hurtful in the same way."

She takes a deep breath. Why is she explaining herself to this idiot. Compassion is the vice of kings, yes Ford I know. But maybe if I tell him how much I get hurt for being myself, sometimes, he will maybe not hurt someone else.

"There are a lot of men who look at me and see some concept of anime sex, not a person; and they don't want to connect with me, they want to have an experience that only exists in their heads that I couldn't make real if I wanted to, which I usually frankly don't. I am promiscuous, but I am actually pretty damn choosy about who I'm promiscuous with, and some people think if you're willing to go off with one guy you just met, you should do the same thing with them, and you're cheating them somehow if you don't. Which is why I like swinging and parties with guest lists and rules. Wrench got lucky with me because everything about the way he hit on me showed me he thought I was awesome and knew how lucky he'd actually be if I said yes. It was clear he knew that there was a real girl in here, and that he wanted to fulfil my desires as well as his own. So yeah I'm a little pissed off that you used my life as a joke. I don't usually go off with people that fast, because I don't usually meet people I feel that safe with that fast."

 

Ford sighs and waits to answer Dave's question until Lissa is finished. "That guy over there was talking about fanfic tropes, the way we were earlier, and he was saying that anything that happens in fanfic can and will happen here, and he knows that's weird. And he mentioned 'catgirl threeways'. And then Lissa realised that he wasn't actually talking about some fanfic or porn show, he was talking about her, about us, about an actual threesome we actually had here."

 

You want confetti? I'm gonna do some fragging confetti. And... those candy cubes I can't eat no more. Fraggit.

Maybe a spring trap or two, I dunno, depends on if I got hands. Jokes! I don't have hands anymore.

 

*laughs ruefully* ... well, I sure know about experiences that only exist in my head. It's caused me trouble before. Lots of trouble.

*sighs* And I think you are way way late to the "stop Church from saying hurtful bullshit" party. I've been saying hurtful bullshit pretty much as long as I've been alive and though I'm trying to stop now, I've spent a lot of time unaware that I even should stop, that what I saying was hurtful. That or the standards for hurtful bullshit here and the standards over where I used to be are really different. I dunno. Before, where I used to be, with my team, we could insult each other and say things worse than that and still think we were all friends. Or all think the others thought that we were still friends with them in some hellish bullshit infinite recursion of mutual knowledge. I dunno.

... and I'm rambling. Fuck.

So basically, yeah, I'm sorry. You're not a fanfic trope. And you're not some experience made up in my head. And not the shadow of anyone else I know. And I shouldn't talk to or about you the way I do with or to my friends from... not here.

 

fuck i missed out on fanfic tropes discussion im gonna cry
but uh
yeouch
sorry about that goddamn
im neither feline nor do i hook up in the menage a troisest of ways but xeno trophy boyfriend is only funny when im
the one saying it so i guess i sorta can sympathize

 

Lissa sighs. "Thank you. I think one thing you're missing, though is, that people who insult each other and are still friends afterward are actually friends. You can't start out that way with a stranger. Carla Pines can say a lot of crazy things to me because we're sister-queens, we live in the same house, and we've helped raise each other's children and grandchildren. She knows me well enough to use black humour, because she knows what I can laugh about and what will probably never be funny to me. There are lots of people who have friends, or groups of friends, that are snarky and rude and insulting and don't really mean it, but there aren't a lot of people who take it well when someone that they've never seen before on land or the deep blue sea walk up to them and say something disrespectful. You feel that?"

She produces another plate of sashimi. There have got to be mis around, and Valiska has to be hungry even in dreams.

"I don't know how on earth you can possibly think that you know me. Valiska and I are clones, but we've lived very different lives and I can understand forgetting which of us uses which name, but I don't understand actually thinking that she and I are the same person. I'm a lot rounder than she is, I'm not covered in ink under great swaths of flowing fabric, and my hair doesn't touch the floor unless I lie down on it."

 

Ford nods. "Exactly."

 

I don't think I know you. I just recall that me and my friends became friends after we had thoroughly insulted each other a lot, went through a lot of shit, and came out of it liking each other. And there was never a point in the process when we didn't throw around insults at each other. I mean, we were nice sometimes but... dissing each other, that was the overall trend. So... either the Freelancer program is a radically different culture to wherever you're from, or... we were all totally maladjusted dudes. ... this question would be easier to answer if I remembered if the Director had friends. But... the only person I really remember well from his life on Earth is Allison and though she was his wife, I'm not sure about whether she was his friend. And their relationship had the constant dissing shit too. And they were both.... pretty fucked up, so I don't think what I know about them'll help me much with figuring out whether it's culture clash or just me and my friends being really messed up.

 

"No, no," Lissa says. "Earlier, you said you felt like you'd met me before, but I've never seen you before in my life. So I wondered if you thought I was Valiska. It's happened here before. I just don't get it."