Vent Back to your regularly scheduled wine&cheese tasting

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by winterykite, Feb 18, 2016.

  1. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    finally finished the e-mail to my (former, actually, i'm not currently being treated by her) shrink, giving her a rough outline of the matter (and a few choice comments) and asking her if she can even treat ed for like, a few sessions and then refer her to a shrink near where she lives, and if she would.

    i have absolutely no issue with going nc. i basically ghosted her ass mid-january and dodged her during my visit to my paternal grandmother who lives 10 minutes on foot away. rest of the family, sd included, keep quiet in both directions. ok, sd talks to me about ed, but no one else does. (not like they talk about or to her much -- they collectively think she's nuts. so do, apparently, the parents of one of my childhood friends and old classmates with whom i reconnected. he'd fit right in here, to be honest. but yeah, ed is probably known quarter wide to be kind of not right in the head, and so was her own mother).
    on the topic of ghosting her, apparently im soooo sick/depressed or someone did something to me. she's panicked and can't sleep, and close to taking a train to berlin to show up at my doorstep. fuck offfff, bitch.

    i'm contemplating a very concise nc letter. no whys, because ive told her the whys and theyve become missing missing reasons. sd said, and i quote, "i don't know if you'd come to the funeral". which is emotional blackmail. bastard. maybe an actual suicide attempt on her end, escalating from the threats she's been habitually making, would put her in psych care, but she'd be resisting.

    i fucking hate dealing with her on all levels.

    fucking fog.
     
    • Witnessed x 4
  2. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    Got a response from my shrink. Can't treat her legally or even practically as she's employed at a clinic.

    Relayed email exchange to sd.

    Got a "thank you for trying, now you have three options left" with option one being "cut her off with the letter, it will finish her off and you won't ever have to worry about [hometown] again"
    And I went and told him to cut out the manipulative bullshit. she's been holding her life over our heads for over 25 years. it's ridiculous. this ends now.
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  3. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    I refuse to be guilted over the self-destructive choices of a grown-ass woman just because her creating drama and threatening suicide has worked so far in getting her her way.

    This is bullshit is what it is.
     
    • Agree x 4
    • Like x 1
  4. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    Oh man. I realized I didn't process the entire E-Mail my sperm donor sent me.

    I'm not sure I'll be able to translate it, there's a shit ton of guilting and I am beginning to feel angry.

    Maybe not your problem, dad, but it sure as fuck ain't my problem OR MY FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY EITHER.

    Kathy suggested I go straight to the police and a lawyer. Considering that last paragraph...
    Considering that last paragrpaph, I want to.
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  5. ZeroEsper

    ZeroEsper Well-Known Member

    Honestly yeah, I think that'd be completely understandable. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with your family but trying to blame you for your mother's unstable and dangerous behavior is cruel is a total deflection of responsibility. What your Mother does is your Mother's fault. You aren't your mother's keeper.
     
    • Agree x 3
  6. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    Thank you.
    I will continue hollering it from the rooftops, and hope it sinks in at some point.

    Mostly I'm sick of her bullshit.
     
  7. ZeroEsper

    ZeroEsper Well-Known Member

    Oh god, I would be too. Fuck her, she needs to stay away from you.
     
  8. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    what the everloving fuck is your SD's problem oh my god
    also i love how I am suddenly responsible for patting EDs butt about her worries like jesus christ on a bicycle you aren't a pet I'm taking care of for her while she's on a holiday what the fuuuuck
    I agree that police and/or general legal action may be something that has to happen. If you have like proof of her threatening suicide/murder-suicide before there's probably ways to make sure she's no danger for society at least for a while?
     
  9. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    There was a suggestion that because I can't stomach interacting with her, you do it for me. Should I have told you? Because I think it's patently ridiculous.

    And no, the threatening suicide has happened verbally and while she was screaming obscenities at me. I didn't even have a device to record that shit on back then. She tries to move communication to venues that can't be checked later.

    I sent another E-Mail to my shrink, including SD's mail and my response to it (which was, in a nutshell, cut that shit out and it's ridiculous that this grown-ass woman has been dangling her life over my head for 25 years just because she can't act like the adult she is and no one tells her to cut the drama).
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  10. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    Nah it's okay I'm just headtilting so far my neck might snap bc like what the fuck kinda suggestion is that. again you're not like. A pet. I'm so puzzled by this entire nonsense like none of it makes sense oh my god
     
    • Agree x 1
  11. cleverThylacine

    cleverThylacine cuddles for the weird and the fierce

    These people are amazing in the way they try to make other people responsible for their wishes and choices.

    Seriously, Ivy never volunteered to make updates and even if she decides to drive her car into a primary school classroom, it's not like you suggested it.
     
    • Agree x 1
  12. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    -hugs offered- that is such bullshit.
     
    • Agree x 1
  13. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    sperm donors response to being told off about the manipulative tactics was to call me childish. Because it's so mature to push the consequences of your actions onto someone else.

    I sent the NC letter today, abd included both of them. Now I'll head over to the police station to give then a heads-up that there'll be a psychotic breakdown of some sirt heading my way soon and that I'd like to know what to do in that case.
     
    • Witnessed x 6
  14. ZeroEsper

    ZeroEsper Well-Known Member

    I admire how well you're handling all this.
     
    • Agree x 6
    • Like x 1
  15. winterykite

    winterykite Non-newtonian genderfluid

    Thank you. I guess we'll see how that holds up when egg donor completely flips her lid.

    Police told be they can't do anything unless she's commiting a crime, but also that they need more reason than a simple phone call to check up on someone. If she shows up, it depends on what she does. Simple screaming, Ordnungsamt. Trying to break my door / grab me, police. Threatening to throw herself out of the window or down the stairs, ambulance.
     
    • Informative x 1
  16. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    Sucks you can't preemptively get some sort of restraining order but also makes sense since that'd be pretty easy to abuse in general probably. Good that they explained your options tho
     
    • Agree x 1
  17. cleverThylacine

    cleverThylacine cuddles for the weird and the fierce

    IDK how it goes in Germany but in the USA you have to have proof of ongoing physical harassment (usually not texts or emails) and/or threats to get a restraining order, which is why I don't have one on Evillest Ex.

    They're also not very effective, in that they don't stop people from stalking you, although they do mean that it must be taken seriously.
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  18. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    honestly I'm not really sure we have restraining orders in quite the same manner as in the US? There's some way to get people to stop harrassing you but yeah
    And if that's the case then TV lied to me and I'd like to hand in a formal letter of complaint :P How dare y'all export so much of your culture and then give weird misinformation/illusions about how restraining orders actually work :P
     
  19. cleverThylacine

    cleverThylacine cuddles for the weird and the fierce

    I'm pretty sure that Japanese culture doesn't work the way it does in anime and Korean culture doesn't work the way it does in K-dramas either :p
     
    • Informative x 1
  20. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    IT'S LIES ALL THE WAY DOWN
     
    • Agree x 1
    • Witnessed x 1
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