I'm about to call in sick for the third day in a row and something tells me that I'm not allowed to, i should be done being sick already. But I drove my roommate home from work, walked into CVS with her while she got her prescription, and drove home and that is enough to make me woozy, get hot cold flashes and sway on my feet. So i should go* in, and the earlier i tell them the better but something says i can't and i don't know what to do we're understaffed and backed up at work and I can't shake the feeling that i'm doing something wrong *edit: this should be call in
i feel so broken and alone right now even though i know i have a ton of support from various people but no one knows what to say to me and all i get is hugs and while that's nice, it's not what i want but i don't really know what i want to not feel like this, maybe and i don't know who to go to or reach out to. i know there are people there but i just. don't. know. how
i took an anxiety med, talked to my roommate a bit, talked to my mom a bit. i'm feeling a bit better but i'm raw still. boyfriend was asked to work a full shift instead of the half one he was scheduled for, so i don't get to talk to him for a few more hours. :( and i was on the phone with my mom during his break, so i missed that chance.
Self care thing my mom had me do. This is just what I can remember from looking at my calendar (big pic) Spoiler: Things Completed in 2018 edits: oops big
Damn, I should start something like that...like, a list like that. It’s a really neat idea! And MAD PROPS on getting so much done! B)
Yeah it really is!!! It helps me keep perspective on what I'm actually getting done so when Karen* tells me I just sit around all the time, I have something concrete to go "no you're a liar, now shut up" *I named that part of my brain that yells at me Karen. Kyo's is Chad lol edit: and thanks!
I've been on a hair trigger at work lately and I've been having some interactions that make me go ???? or make me upset. Can I get a reality check on this convo? Spoiler: names changed lol Matt [4:56 PM] don't put quick questions in the edits channel - put it in our quickquestions channel and i'll submit a jira ticket Me [4:56 PM] oh okay last time anyone said anything, we were supposed to just pop it in edits Matt [4:57 PM] nah, they prefer tickets for those Matt [4:58 PM] okay. back when john was starting the grommet product project thingy, that was the SOP and i hadn't heard anything about it changing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Matt[4:58 PM] a long while back we added the quickquestions channel in here so we could stop spamming edits with them so if you have one just toss it in there and i make jira tickets Me [5:00 PM] okay. it's confusing sometimes when things change or something gets said in a team meeting that changes something, but it wasn't supposed to, lol Matt [5:01 PM] This was a long time ago, I don’t blame you Me [5:41 PM] I'm really sorry, but this is sort of messing with me because what you're saying doesn't mesh with what I remember and I struggle with feeling like I can't trust my memories - it's a PTSD thing. This is what I thought happened: 1) #quickquestions channel gets created because we were going to start switching from launch conversations to quick questions. we were supposed to put questions in those for any existing Grommets that had common questions. This happened before the quick question section got rolled out on any Grommets. 2) Then, John got his project and he and Dan said something about we can use the quick questions channel or just pop it into edits because that's what John would be doing with the ones other people gave him after a product launched. (He was in charge of coming up with them before the product launched, if possible.) I don't remember anything about jira tickets, or spamming edits. If it was said, it wasn't communicated to everyone, or I missed it. But I read everything in the team updates channel, and usually my memory isn't too bad for things like this. It's just frustrating because we don't have a like set of standard operating procedures or anywhere to really look when those change. (And I checked the KB, things like this aren't in there) And I know I'm not in trouble, and this really isn't that important. Like I said, it's a PTSD thing and it's really bothering me. Matt [5:43 PM] Haha cool out - just use the quick questions channel and I can take it from there John was in his role for like two weeks before leaving, so anything relating to that you can disregard moving forward Me [5:44 PM] okay I know that I was arguing about something that wasn't important, and I tried to convey that I knew that. But it was really messing with me so I needed to get it said. I felt like he was being really dismissive? But then, I don't think anyone gets neuroatypicality around here.
There was another convo that I needed checked, but someone else did it for me and I was overreacting to that one, so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, [regarding the second convo] I still felt that someone was being dismissive and rude, but my reaction was bigger due to being triggered and now that I'm in an almost normal state of mind, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. I still feel dismissed though and that's shitty.
How well do you know "Matt?" I ask because while he was definitely dismissive at the end ("haha cool out" is probably not a good phrase to use when talking to someone basically ever), it seems to me like you might have caught him a bit off-guard and he responded in an unthinkingly (and unnecessarily) negative way. I've found that a lot of people who aren't used to dealing with or thinking about trauma or mental illness or neuro-atypicality have a sort of deer-in-the-headlights response when those things are brought up. So sometimes you get a weird "haha ok" and a quick diverting or ending of the conversation. So I think this was a dismissive way for your coworker to talk to you, but I don't think it's something that you really need to worry yourself about, because that type of dismissiveness is in my experience just a mildly panicked way of trying to not talk about an unfamiliar or (to them) heavy topic. ETA: (forgot to say this the first time) I do think it was a good thing for you to bring up. Hopefully now he understands that it's important to communicate changes in procedure clearly to everyone.
Yeah, I mean that sounds accurate to what I know of Matt. Matt's actually my supervisor, but everyone has a really informal rapport with each other. I kinda just wanted to make sure I wasn't reading something that wasn't there. I mean, right?? any variation of "calm down" really shouldn't be said to people who seem upset. I just don't see how that's helpful. xP I think he was trying to convey that I'm fine don't worry and do the thing this way from now on. but it's just frustrating.
Yeah, I too would read it as someone who is basically doing anxiety laughter over text because he has no clue how to respond appropriately to feelings. It’s absolutely a dismissive thing to say and also really ineffective, so unless he’s the kind of person who actually wants to start fights he’s probably just bad at this and nervous.
(And I missed this until now) Haha I wish. This isn't the first time I've tried to hint that SOP changes need to be better explained. I've done the "ask a classifying question that I know the answer to in public so that it gets answered for everyone else" thing that I used to do in school a lot. I've also actually expressed direct confusion over SOP changes so like. They should know by now but w/e
Thanks, both of you, though. I think I need to get reality checked a bit more often because I keep reacting to things that aren't quite there. X) In other news, I waa still not great today and little things that I could usually handle were threatening to send me over the edge.
Oh and last night a customer sent me into a panic attack were I ended up shaking and I couldn't talk at first. So like. That happened
Oh and I had a a panic attack Thursday (5/17) night because I felt gaslight'd by first, my boss and then, my mom so that sucked. I've just been really shaky and it sucks
Update - I'm not really shaky anymore, which is good. Still got a bit of melancholy going on, but that's probably just depression
I had three things I needed to get done today. I got two done. That's not too bad, still passing. I have a lot of anxiety though and I can't shake it. I even took a prn. possible causes - not going grocery shopping landlord shit not being able to rpg probably more????
There are a hundred and ten things i want to do. or need to do? But i can't figure out what they are, or I don't have the energy so instead i'm randomly clicking around the internet and i just a;dlkfa;ldfkja I'm tempted to just go to sleep
