Farm Fresh Organic Optimism: Community Garden Style

Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by TheMockingCrows, Mar 21, 2019.

  1. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    SO. I've realized now that my meds are adjusted and the things beyond my control are tended properly, that there's a constant in a lot of my issues that is a big detriment to my life even when I'm NOT having an episode: it feels like my optimism is broken 9/10 times if I sit and look at it. Or if it's not broken, it can very easily get drowned out by hard learned pessimism to the point where it just sucks the joy out of anything. all wind out of sails, i could be happy and hopeful and then when that voice starts up it just thrashes everything. half the time an episode will follow.

    It's not quite the same as the anxiety voice, but the pessimism is so fucking strong it drowns out the tiny baby optimism i DO have. And I don't mean the repeating "It'll be okay!" thing without actually feeling it at all I do to calm myself down, I mean the honest to god feeling like things will be alright and that there's hope and good things ahead optimism.

    I know I can't be alone in this issue, it seems really common among not just people with depression and anxiety but anyone who deals with some flavor of gremlin in their thoughts. The pessimism volume is cranked to max and the optimism only comes in when the batteries get changed on the pessimism radio. I'd like to find some ways of shutting the pessimism up or using logic against it more thoroughly so I can listen to the optimism.. and hopefully come to really believe it for more than a few hours at a time. I really think this would do me a world of good, and hopefully some other folks too if they need it.

    I'd like this space to be a place for talking about the problem and how it affects your life, as well as things you've tried and had success with even for short spurts currently or in the past, your successes, your needs for cheering your fledgling optimism, and the setbacks that can and will happen bc life is life and fledglings fall a lot while they grow stronger.

    Optimism thread for growing and raising organic optimism with others community garden style: Go.
     
  2. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    One thing that's worked for me before that I wish I could expand on is using logic on the pessimism when it gets heavy. I can find proof that, at least statistically, things will go great or just fine. The down side is it doesn't work when it's an experience I'm new to or have had a bad experience with before. Nor does it seem to work on things I've had too long to sit and think on because the pessimism piles up too fast like snow. :/c But for quick things it sure as hell helps and it builds up a reputation of being correct because "No, I know how to do this thing already so even in a new setup it'll work just fine. 8l shut up, gremlins" works Gr8 at shutting that stupid voice up.
     
  3. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    I think I can kind of track Some of why my optimism is broken but I'm not sure how to splint it? When I was growing up I know I'd be told things would happen and I'd get ridiculously excited and make plans and be hopeful and then every time without fail it would be canceled or ruined in some way or happen entirely differently to the point where it wasn't even possible to enjoy. I got used to living in a "If it doesn't happen, at least I'm already expecting nothing, but if it does happen then I have a reason to be happy" and.. that's. Hm.

    I've been told that's a miserable way to live and for ages I insisted it wasn't, because I was protecting myself from disappointment but looking at it from a calmer state of mind it really is kind of miserable? I don't allow myself to be excited and daydream, and when I do I inevitably punish myself, but I'm not certain how to change that. :lc

    Anyone else have that kind of issue? Anything you've done to try getting past it?
     
  4. Lizardlicks

    Lizardlicks Friendly Neighborhood Lizard

    It sounds like it took years to train your self into that state of mind and even more years of constant practice to turn it into a default state. But three was a point where that was not the default state. I think maybe I would suggest bringing it up with therapist next time you see them, explain the specific mechanism and see if they have suggestions for essentially retraining your thought process.
     
  5. Lizardlicks

    Lizardlicks Friendly Neighborhood Lizard

    And also remember that the retraining will also take time.
     
    • Agree x 1
  6. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    I've mentioned it to her and so far her advice has been variations of fake it till you make it/convince yourself and small obtainable goals. The fake it till you make it approach kinda works but it feels dishonest and i still have the belief it won't work even when it DOES. And the convince yourself method still feels like i'd need to lie to myself bc believing in things is Very Difficult to do. 8lc It just feels like a lot of what I'd need to do is fib to myself till I don't care and that's not super appealing, I admit. perhaps I'll re-poke her when I see her and see what she says, I see heerrrrrrrr....... on the 26th i believe.
     
  7. Lizardlicks

    Lizardlicks Friendly Neighborhood Lizard

    Sort of, except. It seems to me that right now the pessimism is the lie. Not allowing yourself to live in the moment and enjoy something to me seems more dishonest. Lying to yourself out of reflex. Cushioning for a blow that either really isn't going to be that bad or isn't going to come at all. Stuff for you right now is stressful, but far, far from dismal, and overall looking up. The pessimism is something you cultivated as a defense mechanism, but now it's actively interfering with actually experiencing for real good things. Maybe time for setting up a mental exercise? When the negative thoughts start stomping on everything, challenge them. 'Is it really that bad or are you exaggerating for dramatic effect again, Dale?' 'No, actually, this is a good thing that I should get to enjoy, and you're being a party pooper, Chadrick.'

    Isolate the thought, reframe it, challenge it. Treat it as an unwelcome house guest and disinvite it from the brain party.
     
    • Agree x 1
    • Informative x 1
  8. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    Hmmm. Okay. I sort of do that already when I get invasive thoughts of any kind or when I catch a spiral and can reign it in. It'd make sense to do the same thing for the pessimism too, looking at it that way...? Same voice different face, still a gremlin and he ain't invited to my party to begin with. :lc I will have to experiment with this for sure. Bc you're right, I'm cushioning for a blow that most likely isn't gonna come and even if it comes it's not gonna be that bad most likely. Like. The worst thing that'll happen realistically is never really that bad, it's all stuff I'd bounce back from once I pick it apart.
     
    • Agree x 1
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