I have absolutely no judgement about the kinds of things people order for delivery, from four slices of cake and three orders of queso, to a single pumpkin spice latte. What I do judge are the restaurants, the delivery locations, and your driveways. This is a blog about that.
Yesterday I had the joy of doing a dinner order to the place that fired me. Sandwich and drink. I recognized the address on my way there as the Walgreens where I spent so many miserable hours. Walked in the door like "HAVE YOU GUYS REPLACED ME ALREADY? WHO THE HELL IS KAREN D?" Kristina, who I adore, was at the register. She yelled back "THAT'S MY MOM! DID SHE GET ME FOOD?" Please note this was shouted at the top of her lungs from about four feet away. I talked to her a bit about what's been going on since I left. Apparently they've been trying to replace me for two months, but everyone they hire quits within three weeks.
I just got back from the best one so far. I've only been doing this for like three days now, so they're all pretty fun, but this one really takes the cake. Pumpkin spice latte from a starbucks in a hospital. Delivery location: same hospital. I called the number given to ask, like, hey, what's up? did you make a mistake? No, he was upstairs, and asked if I could walk the latte up to his office for him. I got paid $6 to wait in line for ten minutes and walk up a flight of stairs.
Got an order for tater tots at 7 am. Arrived at 7:30 to a gated community where a 15 year old answered the door in his boxers. Me: I gotta ask. Why tater tots first thing in the morning. Him: you’re asking me?
I should mention they’re tots from Krystal. The Krystal Party Tots, which sound like either a teeny bopper band or something I would buy behind a restaurant at midnight.
I took a couple days off because I was worn out. They really want people to deliver today, though. +$3 per delivery in my area all day. Makin' that money baby!
I’m in the middle of doing a grocery delivery for someone who isn’t home. I need a signature from them to complete the order! And they’re not home! Aaaaaaaa!
I keep getting orders for people who live in crazy crowded or sprawling apartment complexes whose phones are deactivated, so I can't call or text them to find out where they are. Their instructions don't have an apartment building or number in them like they're supposed to, so I can't find them that way. I've gotten a couple of really bad ratings because I can't deliver someone's food with the information they've given me.
Had a good night with door dash. Not much to say about it except that I’m learning so much about my area. I don’t have a ton of friends, so I haven’t gone to a lot of people’s houses, so there are entire residential areas of the city I just had no idea were there.
I hate delivering wendy's because their drive through takes forever. Tonight I sat in their drive through line for like twenty minutes, getting a chicken sandwich, and as soon as I got to the pickup window i got another optional delivery for the same wendy's. Doordash: hey, i know you've been sitting in this fucking line for half an hour and are already late for one delivery, but how'd you like to sit in the same ass line for another half hour and be late to two deliveries
Tonight I delivered a meat lovers pizza to a sopping wet woman in a towel. I don’t watch enough porn to be prepared for this scenario.
Tonight I ran into three people I haven’t seen in years (two in Cracker Barrel, one in macdonalds) and spent half an hour each in two separate restaurants where the to go order cook had quit mid shift less than ten minutes before I walked in. The cashier at Cracker Barrel also remembered me and asked if I had any more stories about this new job.
Weird night tonight. I made good money, but kept making weird little mistakes. Like when I was in a well lit apartment complex after dark, stopped in front of one building to call the customer and get directions to their building from him, then got back in the car and started driving toward him. him: I think I see you. me: coming around the corner to ABC? him: are you the white car driving with their lights off? me: ... *turns lights on* uh. No?
Picking up from an Indian restaurant and the man handing me the food wanted to make sure it was me. For reference my name is Liz. Old Indian man: you are a lesbian? Me: ...what? Oim: A lesbieth Me: ...Elizabeth?
Haha, bringing this back. I quit door dash, got a brick and mortar job, got fired from my brick and mortar job, and started delivering with uber eats instead. The UI is a lot better, support actually answers the phone, I haven't had a customer without a functional phone number since I started back in february, and I'm making way better money. There's a lot less weirdness in general. That said, the last couple work nights have been really fucking weird.
A couple nights ago I saw a guy walking down the street going the opposite direction from me, wearing a blue face mask, a hidden leaf headband pulled down over one eye, and no other cosplay materials at all. My man saw his chance to cosplay exactly ten percent of kakashi sensei and he wasn't going to let it pass him by. It made what was otherwise a fairly dull and frustrating night fucking delightful.
I know I said I wasn't going to judge people for what they order, but what this guy ordered was part of the story. James was getting three orders of chips and queso, two orders of chips and salsa, and an order of fajitas with extra queso. I had two bags, one of which had nothing but huge containers of salsa and cheese. My UI doesn't tell me the customer's exact address until I get within a block of the location, and I kind of have to scroll around for instructions and apartment numbers sometimes. I don't like to do that while I'm driving for obvious reasons, so that usually happens on the sidewalk. I parked and got out of the car, bags in one hand, phone in the other, earbuds in, looking for this guy's exact address. Me to myself: Alright James, you saucy bitch, where are you? James, who has been standing behind my car the entire time: Right... uh, right here.
I met the friendliest cat tonight. He has an exclamation point on his rump, begged for pets, and asked me to let him inside. I had to politely explain that that’s a little outside my job description, but I would knock on the door for him.
So, like, is anyone else slowly forgetting how to talk to humans? I used to be pretty good at making conversation with strangers. tonight I had my first in-person drop off in a while, and the conversation went a little like this. Drunk dude, at 1 am, taking his enormous bag of food: you’re a literal hero. me: ye Him: stay safe tonight, okay? Lotta crazies out this late. me: you too.
Last order of the night tonight was a 30 minute drive for KFC. Like. I passed two KFCs on the drive to the guy's house with the food. There were closer options. There were better options. I'm still trying to figure out what the deal was. Does this KFC use twelve herbs and spices? Did I facilitate a drug deal? Is the 12th herb/spice cocaine? The world may never know. I got tipped $5 for it, whatever happened.