Vent siggy is soggy

Wow, congratulations on your GED!

 

@Verily ;v; thank you!!!!

 

I wish I didnt get so angry and envious/jealous of other artists from the homestuck community who now work for hussie and such.

I feel like me drawing so much porn pushed people i wanted to talk to away.
or my style wasn't nice to look at in general for homestuck...

i dunno.

i honestly wish i wasn't mildly obsessed with nsfw stuff, maybe i could've drawn more sfw things and work on my style a lot more.

 

just, re-reading homestuck, especially from the last year of it before it ended makes me cry cuz... i honestly wish i was able to do that.

cuz all i'll be known in the homestuck fandom is that person who shat out shitty nsfw comics and i guess a 'pedo'...

 

im too afraid to even draw homestuck again because i know everything and anything i make is shit.

...
this whole thing is depressing me, i'm going to bed...

 

I love love love being afraid to talk to people hahahaha!!!

 

I just wish I can get into more things my friend likes so i can talk to them

But like, when I do try to talk to them about things they like, they hardly talk to me about it like i really wanna tell them it feels so one-sided for me or I legit feel like they hate me. I told them the second thing but... idk... I wish they really knew how pushed-to-the-side I feel since they started talking to the other person.

I just... miss talking to them...

 

Like lol what's the point in talking about things you like if you never say anything to me ever.


What's the point in trying to talk to you with anything if I just... feel like you dont care I guess.


And I hate feeling like this, i know theure going through shit too but I don't even try to talk to them every day either just... sigh.

 

Like instead of "i need to focus on one person at a time" maybe a goddamn apology in making me feel like I annoy and bother you and feel pushes aside would make me feel better a bit??????

I don't remember them apologizing to me, just... fucking giving me excuses or reasons why they're how they are, which ok but???? An apology is what I want

 

Maybe I'm being unreasonable... mmm...

 

uughghh i feel so bad because theyre working a lot and i shouldnt fucking complain!!! i really shouldnt!!! i sound like the biggest asshole on the planet but!!! at... the same time i just..

mm...

 

sigh, this is why i should stick to venting to this forum. i always feel bad venting to someone and when theyre upset, more reasonable things too, i neverknow what to say and i get angry because theyre not any of the negative things they say about themselves and i cant yell at them or ill come off as terrible

 

im real upset lol.

im having all these thoughts of yelling at my friend on how ive been feeling but i know that'd do nothing good.

cuz tbh??? i really feel like they wouldn't care or think i'm crazy for being upset for just?? being pushed aside to the point where i feel like the other person they talk to pretty much made me feel so goddamn replaced and like i'm nothing great at all to my friend at all or anymore.

like haha i'd say i wanna die but thats me repeating myself and me wanting to die because im not getting attention from one person is fucking dumb but then again i just feel like the biggest annoyance to them :))))))))))))))))

 

I think i really fucked up...

 

I shouldn't say anything I shouldn't be here anymore all i do is cause annoyance and frustration to everyone and anyone around me..

 

I wish I wasn't such a coward to die. I daydream about it all the time now.

 

i don’t want to tell you what you already know but this really really isn’t sustainable

I don’t know what your situation is like but I really hope there’s something you can do to get help

 

Im hella poor, i can't afford any meds or therapy so im pretty much fucked!!!!!

 

I really don’t know much about it but I’m sure that if you make a thread in braaaiiinnns or wherever people will be able to tell you about what they do to afford care. it’s probably hard but I’m absolutely certain there’s a way to get at least some of what you need

 

in a lot of places there are sliding scale or even free mental and physical health options if you can just get clues on where the heck to start looking. i really wish you the best, sig.