things that are currently making you anxious

i think it's fine to resend! maybe keep it shorter, and preface with something like "I feel like the first one got eaten by USPS, if it didn't jjus ignore this!"

 

Stupid spot on my leg.

 

ssi appointment for physical problems tomorrow
ssi appointment for mental problems the day after
meeting with attorney the day after THAT hoping i filled out the paperwork right and sent it back correctly bc for some reason i get confused working with pdf files and i feel stupid.
all while super spoonless and knowing that the next 2 days are going to determine my future for a long while and potentially my livlihood.

im freaking the fuck out.

 

Waiting for a parcel, it's supposed to be coming today but I don't know when and I need to go out but I can't because I'm waiting...

 

it arrived five minutes after I posted that

 

aaaaahhh i've been offered work over the summer but if i take it i'll lose medicaid eligibility and i have no idea if i'll be able to somehow get a marketplace plan and i have very expensive prescription drugs that i need to take

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god i know i have to call the marketplace/medicaid people and i hate doing that

 

ugh ugh ugh one person from the company that hired me has been saying for like weeks that they applied for my visa for me and the decision will be in by tomorrow and that i'd have info about my flight shortly after and now another person is saying tomorrow i'll just have my certificate of sponsorship and then i'll have to apply for the visa myself?! like
ok either i can move in and start this job around the start date of 11 DAYS FROM NOW or i still have to apply for a visa that usually takes 3 weeks to process, IT CANT BE BOTH
not to mention i'm already working on applying for a house share that needs my visa for me to be approved and the people's current housemate is moving out the 25th and it's a perfect house for me in every way and i can't lose it but if i have to fucking still apply for my visa then alkjsdflaj none of this is going to work
dear god please let the most recent message be mistaken i literally need my visa tomorrow plz

 

fucking hell i'm literally in a panic about this i was so close to having all my moving nonsense figured out and now whoops might have had a miscommunication that means everything's ruined! :D

 

Oh good they've confirmed that i'm not getting my visa tomorrow, just the thing i need to fill it out :3
and it'd cost ridiculous amounts of money for me to get the process going any faster : 3

akdjfkla;sjd fucking hell why couldn't they have told me this before?!?!? why did they give me the wrong information for three weeks???? I could've been planning everything completely differently ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh UGH.

this sucksssss

 

"oh god is this scary hormone shit, a scary virus, scary side effect of new medicine, dangerous side effect of new medicine, or is this that fucking serotonin syndrome thing i heard about bc i legit can't tell and this morning was fucking terrifying and i still feel like ass. DO I TAKE MY NEXT DOSE OR NOT LATER, OH MAN."

 

the comments on ao3's downtime post. i'm scared that ao3 will break and/or everyone will hate it now.

 

Over the course of the past two years, the main focus of my anxiety has shifted from "everyone thinks I'm weird and either hates or pities me," to "the world is either going to end or go to shit within my lifetime," and I never thought I'd miss being self conscious about every little thing I do 24/7 but this is so much worse than that was. I know I need to stop thinking about the future so negative and catastrophicly but I don't know how.

 

I have no idea.
Well, it's this post, but I genuinely don't understand why I'm having this reaction to it. It happens surprisingly often, actually, another example from a while back was people talking about top surgery.

 

How do people journal, i dont understand. My old case manager suggested i start one, and it basically meant in the end i had lots of empty journals. Twoish years later ive got a new cm and she wants me to try journaling too.

Its just. I dont kmow what to write? What do i write. I dont understand, you cant just say write whatever i want or write about feelings without explaining fully! I need direction! I cant just write whatever and call it a day! What does she want!!!

 

i'd suggest that you just treat it like a physical version of your vent thread. 'cause a vent thread - minus the human interaction - is esssentially what a journal is, i think.

 

It's nearly an hour past med time, but I can't get up without my cat being disturbed. It's almost time to feed the dogs as well. Send help, I can't handle this :'(

Edit: I moved her, but now I feel all guilty.

 

SCREAMS I ALMOST WALKED FACE-FIRST INTO A SPIDER HANGING FROM THE CEILING

 

random and usually inappropriate urges to cry are increasing in frequency and intensity
yes im stressed. what does my brain want me to do to make it better? I do so much to relax already. I write. I play video games. I chat. what more is there

 

I'm getting a lot of quasi panic attacks too
today I had a few moments where I was very convinced I might die of heatstroke despite being in the shade
I was nauseous and dizzy and couldn't focus on anything and felt like I would die. but what are u gonna do. ur in public and gotta keep going
I only work about 55 hours a week, I feel like I should be able to handle that without panic attacks and crying fits.

 

Need color blind testing, afraid that eye doctor doesn’t do that kind of test and just how much it’s going to cost.

Need to call the appeals office to ask if I need to gather medical records for the last six to eight months, considering the stuff I was sent to review only shows up to December 2017.

Know I’m going to have a really bad brain day and anxious about telling people, because I’m paranoid they’ll think I’ll take it out on them intentionally (even though I’ve set up all the Sure Fire Ways/Things that help me well ahead of time). Having a hard time finding a professional that even offers the specific help I need because apparently despite having a very comprehensive learning medical hospital with extensive mental health branches, for some reason no one does DBT. Just. How????

Don’t want to take migraine meds because I’ll be unable to get even a single thing done later today.

Anxious about worrying people. Anxious Teagan hasn’t gotten enough sleep and even though I know her epilepsy is well controlled, still paranoid lack of sleep will trigger a seizure.

Basically Just Anxious, the Jove Edition.