:(

I hate being locked in this in between place

I want to talk to someone, but I know I would balk if one of my friends reached out right now

I don't know how to seek comfort without having some pre meditated answer for my own problems that I can assure the other person with, like, I don't deserve to say I don't feel good to someone and not immediately follow it up with "so, I'll do this and this and this to hopefully solve it"

I don't feel good

I don't feel good, fuck

I did too little I have too little work I spent too much I ate too much I talk too much I take up too much space

I want to be less

I want to be economized

I want to wrap myself up into an elegant package, hold myself in my hands and not let anything escape or become unruly

fuck