Discussion in 'General Advice' started by michinyo, Apr 24, 2015.

  1. michinyo

    michinyo On that Dumb Bitch Juice diet

    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
  2. Kaylotta

    Kaylotta Writer Trash

    To combat the depression-voice: you're not being selfish. You're being proactive about your mental health. Kudos. :) Death is hard no matter what, and dealing with grief on top of depression is like a one-two KO. So *hugs*.

    Is your family aware/supportive of your mental health stuff? (If not, luckily everyone else will be sad too because sads, but it's always nice to have people on your side.)

    Big thing: it's okay to be sad. really and truly. try not to bottle up your grief for fear of inciting depression - in fact i think that might totally backfire on you. if you gotta cry, cry. if you're pissed at life, be pissed. let it be. s'okay. *more hugs* Death sucks for those of us on the living end.

    Some suggestions.
    • amp up the self-care. bubble baths. comfort food. nice walks in the park. good books. candles. meditation/prayer. whatever's on your list.
    • if you are a helper: mete out your other-person time very carefully. this is especially hard when there are shared sads, but this is not a good time to exhaust your spoons trying to support other people.
    • if you are a hider: try to poke your nose out on occasion. have a tea in the kitchen or somethin'. give your brain a dose of other to keep the isolation at bay. (note that i'm not suggesting you talk to people 24/7 if that's not your thing. alone time is also super important. i just know that occasionally i can cloister myself away to hermitdom before realizing that the reason my foot hurts is because i fucking shot it.)
    • journal journal journal. or, y'know, talk to us. whatever floats your boat. depressive thoughts are a mobius strip. cut the fucker in half.
    • CRY if you can. it's okay. you just lost a dear friend. also crying helps with brain chemicals.
    • do happy things. or do sad things. probably some of both. it helps to acknowledge and validate the emotions just as much as it helps to tell your brain "okay we're gonna do a not-sad thing now, have some endorphins."
    I suspect, if you've been coping with depression for a while, some/all of these might sound Very Familiar. 'tis true. But sometimes it helps to hear it again. If I think of any more, I'll chime in again.
    • Like x 3
  3. Raire

    Raire Turquoise Helicoid

    Yes, losing beloved ones is a bit like a hole in oneself :< *hugs*
  4. Kaylotta

    Kaylotta Writer Trash

    *hugs* Yes. It's hard, it's really hard. I'm glad you have so many good memories of her. :)
  5. Morven

    Morven In darkness be the sound and light

    I lost my favorite cat in all of ever last year.
  6. Ink

    Ink Well-Known Member

    I found that taking walks helped me a lot. At first it was hard to put one foot in front of the other, but it slowly helped.
  7. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    It hurts a lot :( I lost the cat my parents had the longest, and who was my buddy for a long time last may, and remembering her still makes me want to cry sometimes :(
  8. Acey

    Acey no foot tall against the wall

    I've lost pets myself, and reading this made my heart ache for you, because that's exactly how it is for me when a family pet dies.

    I think it helps to remember the good times you had with her. Remember that you were so lucky to have a friend like her, and that you were even luckier to have her for nearly twice as long as the doctors said you would. And remember that she loved you and your family, and the fact that you were there when she passed was no doubt a great comfort to her.

    I don't know your religious beliefs, if you have any, but I'm firmly of the belief that our beloved pets get to go into the afterlife just like humans. I'm sure Daisy is happy and comfy wherever she is, and that she's no longer in pain.

    That doesn't make it any less of a loss, of course. It's a hard thing to deal with, and I don't think it's selfish at all to worry that you might slip into a depression over it. Daisy was your little girl, and you loved her--I doubt anyone will blame you if you do end up depressed. And if they do, that is what we in the biz call a dick move.

    I think making a picture of Daisy is an excellent idea. When we lost our kitty Jonah a few years ago, my mom put his ashes on a shelf in the stairwell, and when Halloween rolled around, she bought a little black cat plushie (he was a black cat) and set the plush atop the box. I think it really helped her. (Maybe you could put some of Daisy's favorite things by the box, too--a prized toy, perhaps?)
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