Vent a screeching bird

i am a fundamentally broken human being

 

me: gets excited about something
me: immediately gets #triggered and spends half an hour sobbing

why do i bother

 

bluh. feeling better, still exhausted. body aches all over. i am an old man.

 

i always sing the refrain from this when it's, uh, been a long day.

today we moved house! i was extremely stressed and cold and took lots of naps. but then the artist i commissioned showed me the finished work and that improved my mood. Commissioning artists is my favourite thing to spend money on, it feels really rewarded.

 

lowkey don't wanna exist rn, which is dumb because i know i have a really exciting week ahead of me, but my sister was being an asshole and put me in a really bad mood and i'm still stressed from moving so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

i want to get out of the house but i don't want to go alone but my mum is busy

also i don't want to go to tutoring but i already skipped it once this week

 

me: attempts to be social
people: don't respond
me: time to die

 

tfw when you're trying to follow an argument but you have one half of the argument blocked and you adblocked away the 'show ignored content' button

past!me actually did me a solid there, i would probably be way more irritated actually seeing the content of those posts than i am by trying to decipher them through context

 

are you ever so tired you could cry

i am literally about to cry from exhaustion rn

 

my dudes, the ignore feature/hide the 'show ignored content' duo is fucking awesome. can't stop looking at shit that upsets me? bam, ignored. fuckin' awesome. i feel great.

(if you're reading this it's probably not about you, dw.)

 

There's apparently drama but i can't find it


If someone wants to enable my thirst and PM me the deets.....i would be grateful

 

Spoiler: a not very nice thought

is this, on a tiny insignificant level, how radicalisation happens?

what i'm saying is, #waxdidnothingwrong, but she's also right. there will be another, and another, and another. but every little thing is building up feelings of mistrust in me

 

Spoiler: also not nice

i don't trust this forum anymore. i don't trust the mods. i don't trust how they bend over backwards to defend people who hurt others, at the expense of the people they've hurt.

i don't like how apparently you only matter if you have the right mental illnesses and you have them in ways the mods approve of.

i understand wanting to give people chances to grow

but there is only so much you can do for people who refuse to fucking grow

you're not helping people by enabling their shitty behaviour.

inb4 this comment gets scrubbed/i get put on post moderation for saying mean things about the mods :)

 

Times when having crippling depression is useful: trying to get things from authorities

translation: we're going to try applying for compassionate leave to remain, since my support network in australia consists of one (1) mushroom who i love dearly but lbr us trying to live together in sydney, land of stupidly expensive housing and no job prospects, is an explosion waiting to happen

 

i see you liking my posts
...do emojis not work on kintsugi?????

ugh FINE

@a tiny mushroom i see you liking my posts *eyesemoji*

 

Fucking...sigh. Speaking of crippling depression. Saw my GP today for the pervasive exhaustion that has clouded my life for...forever. My brain is mush. Anyway. I'm increasing my Effexor dose again. I...I spent so long mentally preparing myself to reduce my dose that going back up is really fuckin with me, which is stupid but here we are. She took some blood as well, so I'll get results in a few days to rule out a physical cause.

Idk. I was really hoping it would be physical. I was getting better.

 

>make plans with autistic guy
>suddenly cancel plans while he's asleep
>expect him not to be really upset i guess?

 

Spoiler: Suicide cw

intellectually i know i have other things to look forward to but goddamn if blowing my brains out doesn't sound satisfying rn