Adulting is Hard etc

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Enzel, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    some good news:

    Car repair ended up costing half the initial quote bc the guy referred me to a specialist so we're in business again.

    Just got a big chunk of money from unemployment bc of a delayed covid aid thing that only just got processed.


    Sad news: I may. In fact. Be allergic to cats. Realizing that my throat problems coincided w smaller cat coming out of her owner's room more...and I just hung out w her for a bit this morning and she got bold enough to climb on my lap and I kept sneezing and my nose running...

    I will be devastated if true. ;_; took a benadryl but going to look for a more potent allergy med that doesn't interact w my regular meds and run it by my doctor. At least if it is allergies they're manageable and not like...deadly.
     
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  2. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Yeah so. Turns out my dad is allergic to cats and apparently I forgot that fact. The allergy meds suggested to me are definitely working so 90% sure it's the cats :( something ironic about my whole Covid scare ending up being...this...

    The good news is it seems to be manageable? Just taking a 24 hr claritin gets rid of 95% of my symptoms and I was helping roommate w stuff in her room yesterday (where the cats basically live) so I wore one of my masks and that seems to help. I don't have an issue touching them (no rashes, w/e) so it seems to be just respiratory and I have a follow up w doc this week. Going to ask if getting regular allergy shots is worth it. (Hopefully insurance pays for that...)

    Mostly going to try to keep them out of my room & be more on top of cleaning. I'm still making cat proof covers for our armchairs (they're both recliners so it's...complicated) so they'll be easier to clean...

    I can't figure out if it's country-wide or just a state thing but it seems like they're now giving out an extra $300/wk w/ unemployment? I'm not sure for how long but at least it'll keep me afloat a bit longer. I'm running into the same problems working on my resume that I did when I was initially looking for a job 2 years ago and it's just. Hard. Esp because it's so hard to prioritize bc more "urgent" things keep coming up and occupying all my time.


    List again:
    resume
    -commission sheet


    -medical bill
    -aki health insurance
    -dentist...
    -eye doc
     
  3. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    ...bad.

    So our building is designed in the shittiest way possible bc I guess they added the front stairwell after the fact and so our living room has a window that just faces into the front hallway. That everyone in the building can access. At level. I put an opaque curtain on it a while ago but now we're going to try to make it completely inaccessible somehow without doing something that would take away our security deposit...

    Last week roommate heard something that sounded a whole lot like upstairs douche neighbor hitting his kid and then today Aki witnessed his wife *actually* hitting the kid, outside in broad daylight. We're trying to figure out what to do because there's a good chance they might retaliate bc it would be obvious who called CPS on them.

    Fucking hell.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2020
  4. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    tfw you upset both of the people you live with with the same social blunder bc you're too ADHD to keep your mouth shut

    Sometimes I just want to eject my brain into space
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  5. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    I am...hanging in there.

    Calculated that I can get by working abt 20 hrs plus unemployment to supplement if necessary. Still looking into another job bc who knows if business will pick up...esp with winter meaning no more outdoor dining and guaranteed Covid surge.

    Hurgh.

    Managing allergies w/ claritin and wearing a mask inside (at least in common areas) seems to help. Sore throat isnt 100% gone but the swallowing problem is, which I can live w for now. Going to ask doc next month about allergy shots. The claritin fixed whatever the fuck my ~4 year long sinus problem was so I guess I have a dust allergy too. We have to get some air purifiers now...(Aki def needs one bc asthma)

    Of course I can't not...pet cats...but at least it seems to be entirely respiratory so it's not like I can't touch them, I just need to be careful. I really hope allergy shots can help bc I have wanted a cat of my own for ages and I'm going to be...really sad if I can't.

    (I'm still confused about how I never had reactions being around cats before but I guess I never lived w/ one...I've slept over at friends houses tho...idk. I guess its mild enough that it had to build up over time??)

    This weekend is...finish blocking off the stupid living room window and do a negative pressure test to check for air leaks...

    We figured out a couple things: one is that our next door neighbors will smoke weed in their yard and it drifts over and somehow gets into Aki's room, which means there's significant airflow from outside somewhere.

    The other is that the "stale cigarette" smell seems to originate directly under our bathroom floor? I pinpointed it the other day when there was a super strong smell in the bathroom only, and in the basement the smell was hanging around the ceiling right under the bathroom and nowhere else.

    Next steps are I guess dusting off all the exposed pipes and shit in the basement near there on the off chance its lint getting heated up by a pipe, and getting some spray foam insulation and blocking off whatever holes we can find, since the landlord won't do shit. I'm also going to try looking around the gigantic fucking hole in the basement ceiling we can see our bathtub thru to make sure there's nothing dead in there or something...

    I'm just...urgh. we needed to move but it came with a whole damn host of unexpected problems we couldn't have predicted. I can't tell if I'm more or less stressed than before, just... different. I was expecting to be able to stay in this place for a couple years at least but it's looking like we're going to move again next year if the asshole upstairs doesn't. Everything else we could deal with but. Being constantly on edge bc your upstairs neighbor is a huge douche who now has it out for you is fucking awful.

    I forgot if I mentioned this but after he screamed at me he...stopped taking out our trash...which is the most uselessly petty thing he could do, lol. The bins are in a very narrow alley next to the house and you roll them out like 15 ft to the street. But he has to *move ours* to get to his bins and IDGAF about putting them out myself so it's really not the huge own he thinks it is. (He's still putting out the 3rd floor bins for them tho. Lol. Also he literally went out and got numbers to label the bins with and only put them on "his".) (Technically by law it's the landlord's job but I can't be assed to care about that...)

    He won't make eye contact whenever he sees me either. Dick.

    (Not that I *want* to make eye contact with him, but he deliberately looks away and honestly it's funny as hell. If I need to cope w this by laughing at his dumbassery so be it.)

    It fucking sucks but we've concluded we can't do anything but call CPS after we inevitably move, because there's no telling what he might do if he gets really angry at us and the building isn't very secure. So as long as the kid's life isn't immediately endangered all we can do is document what we hear/see and then pass it on once we get tf out of here...and the likelihood they'll actually do anything is...fairly low. Ugh.

    I feel so bad for this kid bc all she does all day is run back and forth across the same 20 feet and get ignored by her parents until they decide to yell at her. I've never witnessed/heard them playing with her or speaking to her in a positive tone even once...even if they do, neglecting a 3 year old for hours at a time and then yelling at her when she can't self-regulate is shitty as fuck.

    Also it is frying the nerves of the person with auditory problems that has to listen to it all day while working but somehow they can't even put down a rug??
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  6. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Smaller cat settled in ok and hasn't been having incontinence issues so it seems resolved for her (crosses fingers) but bigger cat was having issues hissing and charging at Aki seemingly randomly...the problem is that our place is constructed so that 3 of the rooms are off the same tiny hallway w their door openings clustered together, and those rooms happen to be Aki's bedroom & office, and roommates room (so Aki can't not walk in front of roommate's door)

    We assumed that bc smaller cat got brave first, bigger cat decided roommate's room was *her* territory and now won't let smaller cat back in, so smaller cat has set up residence in the living room...but we couldn't figure out why she was getting territorial at *Aki* at seemingly random times while being sweet and wanting to be pet every other time.

    (By unprovoked I mean Aki was just walking to their room or going to the bathroom, and larger cat would run out of roommate's room where she wasn't even visible...)

    Called my brother for cat advice bc I somehow only just remember he has three and was also dealing w/ moving and territory issues...he gave me some actionable stuff so here's hoping. Hissing cat is also on prozac now but it takes a while to kick in...so unfortunately she is shut in roommate's room during the day while she is at work for a couple weeks.

    Bro suggested that bc smaller cat likes/spends time w Aki, that they smell like her and that's why bigger cat is getting defensive. Plus apparently cat territory is also based on time of day so bigger cat may think the hallway is "hers" during the day when roommate is out which is why she is perfectly friendly in the evenings.

    Going to have to make sure roommate is on top of trimming their claws & in the meantime we're going to try to switch the hallway to "Aki's territory" during the day, hoping the meds will mellow her out so she doesn't start trying to spray in retaliation lol... also making her some cozy hiding spots to reduce her anxiety. Apparently smaller cat was top of the hierarchy before the move but the dynamic has flipped.

    I have learned a lot abt cats...the next steps are "get smaller cat to tolerate brushing" to get my allergies to chill out...it turns out my brother is also allergic but he manages w/ meds, an air purifier and frequent cleaning which was the plan anyway.
     
  7. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Have doc appt this week for my hands...

    Need to make dentist and eye doc appts... need to figure out which eye docs take my insurance bc old one does not x.x

    Also

    -look in to health insurance stuff w/Aki. (They got a raise since last year so it might mess w their current coverage but they're supposed to be eligible for a certain type of coverage due to disability except that got immediately rejected last year and...anyway it's a mess)

    -try to request their medical records from [specialist]...I keep forgetting to print the form when I'm at home


    -register to vote at new address holy shit aaaaa


    Projects:
    -chair cover for living room chair: like 80% done, mostly finishing the bottom seams and figuring out how to attach the diff parts w snaps or w.e
    -chair cover for Aki's rm: 50% done need to do arm covers.

    -window cat shelf
    (Need backing board cut to size. Figure out how to attach rug to shelves.)

    -cat shelf by TV stand
    (Cut shelves and see above)
     
  8. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    After accompanying Aki to many doctors appointments where they were given the runaround for more serious problems, my doctor got me xrays for my hands and a blood test suspiciously quickly.

    Or rather, hmmmmm medical bias :/ (he said it seems to be Reynauds but wants to determine if it's just that or cause by something else. Which I appreciate! But the only doctor that has been that thorough for Aki is their endocrinologist.)

    Finally got a look at Aki's medical records from the geneticist two years ago (who was supposed to test them for EDS among other things and fucked up the physical eval) and the test results just...aren't there. So either they're not listed on the patient portal bc the test was done by a third party (which is stupid and patients have a right to see their results so how do they get it?) Or this doctor straight-up lied about ordering the test for them.

    I am no longer surprised by medical malpractice.

    (As in, there's an entry for the test itself but the field for results is just blank)

    I sent in a request for a copy for them so we'll find out in a week or two...they're prepared to just order a new genetic test themselves bc they have the money now at least. I'm just fuckin furious because doctor after doctor hasn't been taking their condition seriously and they've gone very quickly downhill over the past few years.

    The only good thing is that there's a possibility their liver is recovering a little. Unfortunately the only way to be sure (bc apparently blood tests can be ambiguous) is another biopsy which is...yeah. a lot even without Covid.

    I've literally been periodically combing medical papers for stuff trying to understand if there's anything that might help bc there's this catch-22 of "need to do x thing to help liver but x thing is prevented by another condition they have " and it's super bullshit. At least there is a lot of evidence showing a high comorbidity rate between all the crap they're dealing with...but no conclusions about *why*.

    There's some evidence that people w stage 3 liver disease can in fact heal a bit, they'll never have a completely healthy liver but they might be able to heal to like...stage 2 and maintain it and not get worse. So fingers crossed. The problem is that their doctor basically told them to lose weight (which they haven't been able to do no matter how hard they try because of other untreated medical problems that doctors refused to address!!!!) and that the only other option was to enter clinical trials for experimental treatments.

    Plus they keep getting prescribed medication that's like "dont take this if you have liver disease" and when asked abt it the doctors are like "shrug, its fine." Clearly not, why does it say that???

    Esp since they're not even 30 and have such a serious condition and don't drink (and never have) and the reaction has mostly been "wow that's weird that you're so young and have it this bad...uh...lose weight I guess" instead of...trying to find what would cause such a serious condition in someone that young???

    I don't understand why some people go into the medical field if they don't want to fucking try to help people.

    On top of all that, since they got a raise this year we have to figure out if they're going to get bumped out of their healthcare insurance bracket or not. *supposedly* the state gives you a discount if you have a documented disability but when they tried applying for it they got rejected immediately and I haven't had time to investigate what that's about. (Probably like how they auto reject ppl for SSI and you are basically expected to have to repeal bc they are trying to weed put people who will give up the first time. Fuckers.)

    And our state arguably has the best health insurance system in the country. Low bar.

    I'm p much coping w the current us political situation by 1. Screaming internally constantly 2. Periodically checking my voter registration and 3. Not talking about it on social media bc I will probably lose it. The only thing I can hold on to is that our state laws will override most of any bullshit the federal govt can pull (like repealing marriage) but it's still going to be fucking awful for everybody else.
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  9. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Cat update...

    So unfortunately my brother's advice turned out to be a bad idea, and not his fault but he thought from the description the cat was being territorial, but apparently it's that she's just terrified of everything all the time and Aki got the brunt of it just bc they're home all the time/their room is closer. So now the cat is extra scared of Aki bc they hissed back at her when she hissed at them and we have to start over...

    Unfortunately this seems to be the result of 1. Extremely poor socialization and 2. Unfortunately, her owner has some serious mental health issues and we suspect that because the move was hard on her, she's been in a low/bad mood a lot and the cat thinks we (roommates) are the cause. (She's been hissing at me as well but not as bad.) So the cat is mirroring her owner's emotions/trying to protect her from "bad people". :( Aki tried talking to roommate abt expediting getting a therapist & she just got a new PCP so hopefully they can refer her...she's tapering off one med rn that she was given by a psychiatrist who didn't believe she had mania (wtf?) so hopefully a new doctor can give her something that actually helps.

    Next step w cat is to get her used to us bc the reason the smaller cat warmed up to us I think is that she was slightly more brave and came out more. Unfortunately since we all have Issues (tm) we're still fixing up the apartment/changing furniture around despite moving in June so we suspect the fact that the place looks different every time the cat has the courage to come out is also stressing her out.

    It just sucks bc the layout means that the area right outside roommate's door gets the most traffic bc everyone has to go thru the kitchen to get to the bathroom. So it's very hard to let the cat get used to venturing out without making her feel trapped by our daily routines.

    The other day she did hiss at me (was lying on the kitchen floor when I came out to use the bathroom, lifted her head but didn't get up, did puff up slightly. She seems to not ever put her ears back even when upset so her body language can be hard to read.) so I went and got the bag of treats i got for the other cat and she noticed, calmed down and came over and ate a couple when I put them on the floor for her. Which is a good sign bc her owner said she wasn't food motivated before. (I think she might be jealous the other cat has been getting wet food tbh so she's going to start being fed that too... honestly they both should have been getting wet food from the beginning but...)

    Aki did say not to do that next time she hisses but to only offer treats when she's *not* being hostile or else she'll come to associate hissing with getting treats so going to do that from now on.

    Apparently roommate is going home for Thanksgiving (8+ hr drive) so we may have an opportunity to bond w cat then as well...I'm hoping we see improvement before that at least.
     
  10. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Is my dysphoria getting worse or am I just more aware of it? :mystery:

    Am finally settled at a comfortable weight at ~170 which. Being just shy of 5' 10" is perfectly fine! That doesn't bother me, but the fact is it's all in my chest and ass, and the latter wouldn't bug me so much if the former didn't exist. (Though the latter does make it a huge pain to find pants that fit. For work uniform I have to wear the clothes we sell and I've gone up 3 pants sizes since I started working here, and my size is now basically the largest one in women's they have, which means it's not always in stock in every color/style. Also its literally just to be able to get it over my hips, I end up having to take in the waist itself. Mens pants are worse bc I have to go up and extra size and then heavily modify to make them comfortable. The only bonus is that I get paid for the time spent altering my own uniform bc its literally my job...)

    I realized I'm back to wearing baggy clothes and it's 1000% due to dysphoria. (I mean also the fact that I have wide shoulders and it's so damn hard to find shirts that fit too) When I was underweight due to meds it wigged me out to be able to see my ribs, but I was also down to a b cup and could more or less obscure my chest with a sports bra. Now I'm back to...(double checks) DD. Possibly an E. Christ. No wonder I'm miserable. I think the temporary relief from the dysphoria despite the other downsides made it hit me harder when it came back...I find myself thinking about top surgery a lot more frequently.

    Its somehow...i dont know. I feel like shit complaining about it because I know a whole lot of femme people would love my "figure" but being agender and ace I just. Hate it!!! I would love to give my shape to someone who would love and appreciate it!! I did not sign up for this!! In fact I find it viscerally horrifying that I could be "traditionally sexy"!! no thanks. I'm happy w my face and my height...and my voice I guess (I'm neutral on it, it's just there) but I would literally do anything to not have """"curves"""". Urgh.

    I just feel selfish for thinking about it so much with all the other shit going on in the world but I basically had a breakdown the other week when I was sorting stuff in my room, I forget if I mentioned it and am too lazy to check...I found all the material I bought for some cosplays I really wanted to do but was putting off until top surgery since the materials were expensive and I wasnt sure how different my measurements would be in a binder vs actually having them off. And it hit me that I'm probably not being to be getting it within the next 5 years if things don't turn around next month. This year. I don't know. I'm just lucky my dysphoria doesn't make me suicidal but I hate it so much. It *does* make me miserable. I spent days modifying a shirt to fit me so it would flatten out my silhouette...

    Realized part of the reason I probably like to draw a certain OC of mine so much is bc they basically have my ideal body type...projects all my nbi feels onto them...feel guilty having an nbi character that isn't "human" and can change form but lbr its wish fulfillment.

    Tried to take a selfie of my hair (trimmed it) and wearing a rainbow tank top but couldn't get an angle that made my chest look flat so I deleted them all...too tired to go put on my binder that probably doesn't fit anymore just for a selfie when I usually hate taking selfies.

    Idk everything is just so messy rn...asshole neighbor continues to asshole...I got so angry at him the other day I had to legitimately try very hard not to start a fight with him. (He drives a stupidly large SUV and honked at me for temp parking close to the driveway entrance to unload my fuckin groceries instead of all the way up the street, since the street spots are always taken bc of the nearby restaurant whose parking lot is now their outdoor dining area. Anyway he refused to pull in until I moved even tho he had plenty of fuckin space. Douche.)

    The kicker is that each apartment is supposed to get a space in the driveway and Aki gave him their number when we first moved in to coordinate that, but not once has he ever made an effort to communicate and instead honks and screams at people for using the driveway. Lol. I just can't get over what an incredible tool this man is. Even overheard him respond to his small daughter excitedly welcoming him home with the biggest exasperated sigh.

    If he doesn't leave we're going to have to move again next year.
     
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