Adulting is Hard etc

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Enzel, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    got lucky & got a nice doctor, no fuss, appointment less than 15 min. just waiting at the pharmacy now. phew.

    hopefully it won't take too long for my body to chill out once I'm back on the meds...

    ...since first day of bleeding I was going thru a tampon every 4 hrs. all I can say is WHAT A WASTE OF RESOURCES. why is this necessary.

    I've been too tried and stressed to wrangle the other phone calls I need to make but hopefully ill have the energy this week...
  2. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    I got a small xmas bonus of like $150 which gives me some breathing room to buy and realized I didn't factor in my roommates paying me their share of the utilities so I'm getting by.

    still struggling to get enough sleep.

    so many phone calls...I only got one done...sigh.
  3. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    no news is good news and all that...

    managing. still need to make like 3 diff doctor appointments but.

    I stupidly accepted a day off during the recent snowstorm bc I was exhausted but forgot to ask my manager to use PTO to cover it so now I'm back to where I was w/ my budget before the holiday bonus...sigh. At least I did bring up a raise & manager said reviews should be in Feb. and she'll be advocating for me bc I've been working my ass off.

    Had my last appt w/ my old psychiatrist, thankfully she had stuff sorted to streamline the process of me getting a new one.

    getting my booster shot next week (waves flags) it was a huge pain in the ass to even get the appointment bc local pharmacies are a mess. I made sure to put in a day of PTO for the day after this time.
  4. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    ok. I made it. sort of.

    got past the tightest part of the financial situation at least. like I'm not out of the water but I can buy real food now. (I'm fine I did not starve I was just battling my executive dysfunction to actually use up the food I had to cook instead of just microwave.)

    finished paying back the car repair place directly so now its...

    -the high interest credit card
    -my regular credit card
    -the loan

    ...I did my taxes just gonna send them in today & that will take a big chunk out of the "pay this in 6 months or pay 30% interest" card, so then I just need to pay off the last ~$200 or so over 4 months. The loan comes right out of my acct and has been factored into the budget, so it's just my regular credit card left...I'm thinking I should sit down and plan using my tax return to help pay it down...? bc I do have that 4 months for the other card so it seems better to maximize...paying as little interest on my regular card as possible. esp because it fucked me over this month.

    (I double checked that I had enough on it for the internet bill this month but the payment bounced anyway bc the banking app doesn't tell you how much is actually useable on it???? like it says a number of how much you used of the balance but it's not the actual amt you can use so it was literally $3 short...I caught it literally 2 hrs after the payment bounced and paid manually but they may charge me to declined payment fee regardless...hurgh)

    ...I also had to pay $15 overdraft because an autopay went thru on my checking 2 days early, I guess because February, which I am ...deeply annoyed about but at this pt. ok. whatever. at least THAT didn't bounce.

    ...extra annoyance is that the car has had an alignment done 3 times in the past 6 mo. but its *still* drifting slightly to the right. it's not getting worse so I'm just. dealing. but I would really like to get to the bottom of that especially after I've dumped $6000 into it. I'm wondering if I should take it to a different place just to get a fresh eye on it. there's also the brakes making an occasional weird noise despite me asking the mechanic if they were ok (told me yes) and a mysterious clanking on the left side somewhere whenever I go over a bump. for that one I have to empty everything out of of the car to check because I would feel very stupid if I ask a mechanic to look and it turns out it's just something rolling around under my seat.

    I also have a feeling I'm coming up on needing new tires. hh.
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2022
  5. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    just crossing fingers at this pt but in addition to a possible raise w my review, the person in charge of people w/ my position in the company said she was working on getting us all industry-standard wages. [a.k.a. $25!!!] that may take at least 6 months but at least it's on the table. I'm hoping that the turnover the past year has smacked corporate in the face enough...

    its crazy to me how bad just losing the Sunday time & a half has been for my budget. (state voted to drop it to 1.2x and also I haven't been doing Sundays...ultimately it's w.e. because it's better for me to have consistency and the Sunday transit schedule sucks, but) like a whole $200/mo. it sucks... I've been trying to tack on 30 mins to the end of my shifts since I'm not hitting even 35 hrs thanks to the store not being open that much.
  6. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    lies on the floor

    things are too complicated augh

    finally sent in my taxes after sitting on them for like a week or two because I didn't have the executive function to pay the $15 to file them. lol. brains were a mistake

    need to sit down and do another budget calculation now that I know what I'm getting back. utilities cost jumped this winter and mannnn it sucks.

    extremely annoyed bc I have to pay another fee bc my credit card was a couple $ short for the internet bill and I didn't realize bc my banking app just shows like. the balance before interest or whatever and not the actual available balance??? roommate offered to take the utility bills at least until I can pay down my card so have to set that up...

    why must money be this stressful. I'm trying to hit 35 hrs/week by staying an extra 30 mins every day to make up for my break but w/ increased cost of utilities, rent + utilities is now more than 1 paycheck. :)))


    in other work news my manager quit, I guess she has the buffer money to do so and had a lot of stuff going on...wishing her the best but she always had my back & now I'm nervous about who might replace her. our current asst. manager is nice but he is like brand new so idk if he's gonna get the offer. I just hope we don't get another control freak. we at least have hired enough people again that I'm not having to cover floor shifts...
    • Witnessed x 1
  7. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag, a week before I'd be able to keep it by the apartment full time because I can park it on the street again (Instead of leaving it at MiL's house) the car dies on me. it's 100% the alternator and I had to get it towed and I'm pissed because I ASKED THE REPAIR PLACE TO CHECK THE ALTERNATOR SPECIFICALLY and they told me it's fine, it's the battery, and charged me 3.5k for other stuff instead.

    towing guy was very nice and gave me a bunch of advice, he also said its possible to damage the alternator during an engine wash so...either they fucked THAT up or they didn't check it like I told them to...I guess I need to find a new mechanic.

    im just leaving it for now because lol what money. as repairs go it's not the worst but I'm still playing off at least 4k in loans so. urgh. we'll live for a bit...

    still waiting on upper management to do my fucking yearly review and give me a raise...hello...asst. manager nearly quit because they've been having him do the manager job & yet not giving him manager permissions for things, apparently they promised someone would come train him properly so we'll see. they've been super dragging their feet on finding someone and idk if its because they literally can't or what. but management in this company is notoriously slow as shit. I miss my original manager every day, but no wonder she got promoted, shes like the only person that got shit done...

    talked it over with Aki and as much as I like my job if they're going to skimp on raises I'm going to actually start looking for something else so...we'll see...idk how much is out there other than doing suit alterations which. I'm sure I can learn but I'm reluctant to enter any industry that's mostly dudes...esp because formal wear is going to mean a totally different dress code...I know I'm overthinking it but. hhh.

    I've decided to ask for $23 when I have my review and hope for the best. even $20 would be something.
  8. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    ok. ok.

    apparently district manager is going to be here in person tomorrow and I have. some. Ammunition.

    tl;dr the manager at my old store (who I came to my current store to escape because she was a huge bitch to me) admitted to her asst. manager that she intentionally gave me a bad review so I wouldn't get a raise last year

    and then she fucking LIED to me and said the company wasnt giving raises bc of Covid

    and that's not even the worst thing she's done

    (she quit recently and now it's coming out that she verbally harassed her employees, sabotaged them, talked behind all their backs, etc. they all hated her guts bc she tried to turn them against each other but they just shared her shit-talking with each other and bonded instead)

    she also got her old asst. manager to resign by bullying a teenage employee to falsify a sexual harassment complaint against him (said teenager came forward on her own later bc she felt guilty about it which is why I believe this, also he was middle aged and gay. not saying it can't happen but the specific evidence + shitty manager's pattern of behavior is. jesus.)

    so like...what the FUCK.

    the current asst. manager (who told me all this) is in fact the person I trained as my replacement there and I told her how bad I felt that I basically left her in that environment and she was like "lol no it's GOOD you got out when you did"
  9. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    brain super fried but I'm...hanging in there.

    feels like I keep saying "I'll be out of the woods after this month" but the date keeps being pushed out... x.x hoping this time for real (I get paid 3 times next mo.)

    they did raise our rent but only $50 split between the 3 of us so it's. manageable...I'm not looking forward to the electric bills this summer tho. ugh.

    going to attempt to fix the car this week. my dad thinks its possible the battery isn't fried but I'm p sure it must be...

    also weird: I was supposed to have my therapy intake next mo. but I got a call last week to call back and make an appointment??? so I'm just. super confused. so need to set aside time to make the call...

    I havent had the talk w upper management yet because I haven't been able to coordinate a time for it and then things got super busy at work...I need to get on that
    • Witnessed x 1
  10. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    things were getting better. i paid off my loans & got my raise. seriously thinking abt initiating the process for top surgery.

    recieved horrible medical news about someone close to me and I'm trying to keep my shit together for them rn. I just need to scream
    • Witnessed x 3
  11. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag


    why are doctors SO FUCKING BAD at explaining things

    -it's bad but not "immediately dying" bad.
    -requires drastic lifestyle change that is doable but would have staved off permanent damage if it were adequately explained why and how YEARS AGO
    -instead all they got was "just lose weight lol" & no other guidance
    -have had to do all their own research basically.
    -small chance it could get worse but second worst case scenario is it stays as it is right now for the rest of their life, if they're diligent.

    some breathing room. not much, but it's better than "go write your will".
    • Witnessed x 1
  12. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    the good news.

    basically after pulling teeth I finally got my raise and then like a month later the head person for my position negotiated for me to be bumped up to the same wage range as the most expensive area of the country (which we SHOULD be counted as) so I got another one. Huge relief.

    corporate has been so fucking stupidly stubborn about this, they lost a newly hired manager to a better offer bf they even started, literally everyone who quit this year cited money and's not fucking sinking in??? lol

    I know every company does this it's just. jesus christ. they can't even be honest with themselves about it.

    anyway biggest item on my list rn is remembering to make a GODDAMN DOCTORS APPOINTMENT bc I have several things I need to go over

    -follow up on the Reynauds, was told they want to test for autoimmune stuff (it did not occur to me that aside from my dad's thyroid shit my mom has not 1 but TWO autoimmune issues soooo.)

    -my newly crunchy knees, which I have at least been maintaining with some support sleeves I got + stretches. I have a feeling I fucked them up bc I was elevating my feet at my work desk to deal w/ the circulation issues and I just hyper-extended the joints too much. -_- it's not Aki's level but I def have some sort of mild hypermobility & I know bad knees run in the family. I got these elastic compression sleeves that are supposed to emulate sports tape and they seem to help for both recovery and support when I know I'm going to do sth strenuous.

    -I got a cyst under my arm ( :/ ) I know it is one bc it developed during a time I was doing a lot of physical activity and cleaning the area/sweating less made it drastically smaller but I can still feel it there. & apparently they should be biopsied to be safe even if they seem benign. ugh.

    -keep meaning to make a dermatologist appointment just to keep an eye on my beauty marks etc. wondering if I should actually write down where they all are bc my memory is bad and I can't remember which ones might be new.

    -had realization that part of the reason i hate exercise is my chest dysphoria. like I had a feeling but I realized that the whole experience of sweating in a bra is specifically hellish, even more for me than it is for people who *want* their boobs, because it's a glaring reminder they exist. Going to initiate the process. I promised myself to get them gone before 35, I don't want to waste any more years of my life with them.

    talked to my brother & he offered to actually come help out for top surgery recovery. apparently this would be like the 4th time he has helped someone w/ top surgery which is honestly hilarious.

    (he also came out to me as pan/poly and apparently he & his wife fixed some marital tension bc she turned out to be bi/poly and now they have a cute gf??? happy for them. He was actually gushing to me how cute his wife and gf are together, lmao. I feel like i should have seen it coming bc at least 60% of his childhood friends turned out some flavor of queer.

    so now it turns out all 3 of us siblings are Not Straight lololol apparently my sister has also been living her best bi life visiting friends+ [disapproving bc covid but otherwise happy for her] )

    Edit: extra funny bc my mom was talking to me a few months ago abt SIL coming out as bi and how she was ~worried~ SIL would leave my brother to date girls (BIGGEST EYEROLL IMAGINABLE) and I'm sitting there trying to hold her hand through understanding why that's a stupid shitty thing to say. guess what mom! it's fine! they're both dating some girls together. (and some boys & other genders apparently)

    he was actually asking me for advice on coming out to mom & I was like "she won't get it, she won't hate you for it but she WILL be weird and awkward about it and she WILL gossip so evaluate if you're ready for that". apparently my sister told him the same thing lol.

    (the snag is SIL's family/mother is. much more religious & conservative so the concern is my mom keeping her stupid mouth shut so it doesn't reach their ears. I don't rly trust her given she outed me to my grandma w.o asking, but it's up to bro & wife.)
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2022
    • Like x 1
  13. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    I just need to howl about this somewhere:

    my company has been making noises about renovating our store for a while, and they finally got the permit approved...a month bf one of the biggest retail holidays of the year. lmfao. ON TOP OF THAT...two days in it turns out NO ONE EVER CONTACTED THE BUILDING LANDLORD and hooboy. I can't imagine the flat out scrambling they were doing at corporate. (apparently they hired non-union contractors & the landlord has union contracts and...WHEWWW)

    Thankfully none of this shit affects me because they just moved my workstation to the stockroom for the time being so I'm just sitting here eating popcorn listening to the shit go down.
    • Witnessed x 1
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