aki's flailing at the world thread

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Akiv'a, May 13, 2016.

  1. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Do you have a list in a separate document of doctor stuff? I forget. You might want to add "possible lactose intolerance" to that too.
     
  2. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    Oh right that. lactose intolerance. I like. straight up asked my mom if she ever got me tested for that and she said no. sob
    Yeah i have a list further up in the thread. I'll probably just type it up in drive tho.
     
    • Like x 1
  3. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    Well this birthday sucks so far . i remember why i dont normally even acknowledge it
     
  4. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    birthday considerably better because @Enzel is a fantastic human
     
    • Like x 1
  5. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    Argh this new bed is 80000% better. I haven't slept so well in years. I didn't realise so much of my stress was because my old bed was so horrible D:
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2017
    • Like x 2
  6. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    homeless ass can 100% confirm that beds make all the difference in the bloody world
     
    • Like x 1
  7. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    Oh my god.
    Today is pretty great. In which I obtain a leather refillable midori style travel journal from my dad. I've been debating getting one of these for YEARS. I always hesitated because they are so damn expensive BUT!!! I talked to my dad about it and he thought it was a good idea. I used to keep a fancy planner/journal type thing while in school and it made it so i was on top of everything. Ever since the years i had ran out (it's not refillable anymore, the brand doesnt make individual calendars anymore) I've felt really unorganized. My life revolved around lists and highlighting things and crossing them out and checkmarking them.

    But he gave me a budget and I just picked out the style I want, and now I'm just getting accessories for it. scrEAMS.

    This is an artists version of having a baby i swear jfc lmao
    I'm so excited. the journal cover wont be here for maybe 3 weeks (its handmade out of leather and nicely decorated and stained) since its from etsy, and the crafters are up in the mountainous forests of the UK but all the little do-dads that go into the journal elastics will be here in a few days. I have the dimensions so I can make my own sketchbooks for the journal itself, so I'll be making ones with different papers yells. And it fits perfectly in my shoulder bag, so I can stop carrying around individual sketchbooks and cards and crafty bits. It'll be more compact. Also its the same colour scheme as my shoulder bag now that I think about it. They are meant to be !!!

    This will definitely help me get back into arting. I dont have the same AHHH ITS PRISTINE AND PERFECT I CANT DESTORY IT mentality about dinky little travel sketchbooks as i do with nice big pretty ones. So I'll just be making shit all the time.

    Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    this is what it will sort of look like:
    [​IMG]

    I got the A5 size, and midori sizes will fit in it, thank god because i couldn't find any other planners I liked the style of.
    It's got pockets too!!!!!!! and Extra pvc/cardholding pockets and a craft folder im going to die. today is great.





    I cant believe i just wrote a huge post about a fucking travel journal lmao
     
    • Like x 4
  8. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    I AM INVIGORATED IM GOING TO KEEP CLEANING MY ROOM.
     
  9. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    holy shit Aki that's gorgeous though

    can you link the etsy you got the cover from I want to go browsing
     
  10. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    Last edited: Feb 17, 2017
  11. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    really makes me want to learn leatherworking. SIGH. SOEMDAY.
     
    • Like x 1
  12. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    right?? id love to learn too ;o;
     
  13. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    This is a similar shop I discovered by virtue of them showing up in my etsy recs for witchy stuff that I fell on love with myself.
     
  14. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    I miss loving to make art. I miss being totally in love with it.
    I feel like art school made me dependent on other people to tell me what to draw instead of helping me flourish into a better artist.
    The reason I dislike making art these days is because it's so hard to decide what I want to do, and then actually follow through until its done.
    I never had this issue before art school. I was just having fun experimenting and enjoying seeing what's in my head get down into a tangible space where others could see it too.
    Fuck perfection. Fuck art school.

    I'm doing my best to learn to love it all again but its really hard lol.
     
    • Like x 1
  15. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    and omg nai i just checked out that link and i want to smell all those books. ;___; i need my entire future house to be a library.
     
    • Like x 1
  16. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    >take salt to eat dinner last night
    >forget to put it back downstairs
    >mom yells at me for taking the salt
    >yelling about salt turns into yelling at me about how much eveyrone in the family hates me

    i love my mom. -_-
     
  17. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Aki asked me to post that they have an appointment with a specialist for a proper autism eval and it is hopefully next week! This was after a long day and we're both kinda fried so more details later.
     
  18. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    The past week has... been a thing. Like the Twilight Zone in some ways lmao.
    Got my Depo shot on Monday like an adult. The nurse was hella nice, kept telling me to practice self care and informed me that he believed that ace people are a real thing unlike some doctors.
    Tuesday was Enzel's colonoscopy. Stayed there about 3 hours longer than we expected. People were on their phones in the waiting room full volume and the news was on-- couldn't read my damn book like i wanted. So instead I caught up with a friend from college on FB chat. Ate so much good food. A+ Athen's Vanilla Pancakes would consume voraciously again (I hate sweet food usually lmao). Got socks that i can fucking wear for the first time in my life its a miracle!
    Wednesday was low key, and Thursday we went to get my transcript from my college. I got to catch up with some professors and it majorly upped my mood ♥

    The Twilight Zone started when I got home. Mom and I didnt argue at all like usual. In fact I asked if I could buy a monthly pass for the MBTA for April which is like 90$ for a month. 20$ more than when I used to get them. I was sure I'd have to suck up to get it, but she said yes with no convincing or arguing. This will be great for checking out the apartments Enzel and I like on our hunt. It'll also be great for looking for jobs, and visiting people and just generally getting out of the house. Maybe I can chill in my school now and get work done.

    But then it got WEIRDER. So on Wed/Thurs enzel called the one autism specialist AANE gave me to contact that took my insurance. Turns out they did NOT take my insurance, however they pointed me towards the very first specialist I ever called like 3 years ago. Which is great because she's my very first choice ever, I just couldn't work any of the money stuff out back then. I figured, since most specialists are $2000-$4000 out of pocket, that this specialist's $1400 would be easier to convince my parents to pay. I'd even pay some myself if I had to. So Enzel sent her an email on Wed night. However, because I needed the MBTA monthly pass more urgently I resigned myself to only ask for that because my mom is super obnoxious to deal with if you NEED something financially. Usually I have to fight her for months with lots of screaming on both ends before she agrees. Thursday night though, when I got home (after I asked for the monthly pass), I'd received an email from the specialist that she had openings open as early as this Tuesday. So I decided to risk it and ask my mom if she'd pay outi of pocket for it. ... she agreed immediately with no arguments.

    So now I have an appointment on Tuesday with an actual ASD/ADHD specialist who is VERY versed in AFAB people with autism/multiracial people. ..... .... .

    It's been three days and my mom and i still haven't yelled or faught or anything.
    I feel weird, but this is REALLY nice i would not trade it for anything. Why is this happening lmao.
    Is this what good parenting and having your needs met is like ._____.
     
    • Like x 1
  19. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    Friday was a whole other can of worms but it wasnt HORRIBLE. I mean my dad was sexist all day to me but it rolled right off mostly which was strange. but nice. After my meeting with my lifemap coach, I ended up having to mediate between my parents when I got home? I've never done that before. They were fighting over needing a new printer. My mom wanted to go buy the one they saw earlier that day, and my dad was being his usual stubborn self and didnt want to go RIGHT NOW. Despite the next day being a huge storm, he was like like lets go during the huge snow storm because I'd rather watch the clusterfuck that is our government on the news.

    So because I actually had to print my assessment history stuff for the specialist (time sensitive), I was able to convince him to go eventually. When I got home I tried to install the printer, my dad was making really sexist remarks and insinuations the whole time, all like I'd like to get my Tech MAN out here are you SURE you Know What You Are Doing? so I set it up, but then i try to connect it to their computer. I find they have mac os 10.6.8. The printer needs at least 10.7. I need to update to get the printer to work for them. (I ended up just registering it on my computer since my system is correct and its a wifi printer)

    As a result I end up having to back up all their crap because my dad threatened bodily harm if I lost anything on his computer because I'm not his Tech MAN. Because clearly I don't know what I'm doing despite everything I've done up til this point on their computer proves otherwise. He'd rather spent $300 on a Tech MAN and $40 on OS updates, than let me do it all for $40 (price of both updates) because... im not a Tech MAN. Actual phrasing used by him. #TechMAN

    After it was backed up, I found their specs, bought 10.8 to start. gonna update when the software arrives. but god.

    I think being away from them for a week really helped. At least I'm getting along with my mom for some reason.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2017
    • Witnessed x 1
  20. Akiv'a

    Akiv'a ♛ Nyastronaut & Allagan Technyalogist

    D the LifeMap coach has been helping me fix up my resume. And for next week I have to start making a master copy, and for some reason its kind of entertaining. At least its not boring. She's helped a lot which is good.

    So list of things I gotta do.

    • fill out client history forms for specialist
    • work on master resume
    • finish cleaning room
    • get month pass for MBTA
    • study driving stuff
    I've learned I do better with deadlines, so I'm gonna start giving myself those in my new travelers notebook. it so bootiful and the lady who made it is super nice.

    IMG_1817.JPG IMG_1818.JPG
    She didnt send it on time so when i asked about it she asked if i wanted one that had more elastics for a fatter book free of charge. I said that would be awesome so she sent me that one instead!!!

    Originally i had to pick between pockets on the journal or extra elastics because both was too expensive. ;0; now i have both anyway im so happy
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2017
    • Like x 1
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