All my life I have wanted people to go away and now I don't know how to make them come over

Shit.

I.
In elementary school, I almost never played with the other kids. I was too busy yelling at them. I have no idea what the group dynamics of children are like because I was never in them. I think I got invited to two birthday parties in six years. Almost nobody met my crazy standards for being a person I would be friendly with instead of hostile, so I sat around and read and played video games and sat on the computer every second I could. Maybe I will make an "I was an elementary school bully, AMA" thread.
II.
In middle and the first part of high school, I was extremely angry at the weirdest things and also still really judgmental. In senior year I finally became part of a friend group, but it didn't last long and they were all better friends with each other while I was on the periphery. I started making online friends in junior year, but I don't have very many of those, either.
III.
I think I get a kind of "culture shock" from not being online. Recently I described a neckbeard to somebody and they had no idea what I was talking about. There are all these concepts I use in my daily life that nobody I meet offline understands. Similarly, offline people talk about things I have no clue about. Like, did you know lots of people actually have tried cocaine, not just a few junkies? Nobody talks about that on Tumblr or Reddit so it's this weird new information to me. A strange part of this "cultural difference" has to do with obscene or illegal things. Like, I knew about what hentai was since forever, but at the same time I didn't know what a head shop was. It's the opposite with those offline folks. People often think I need to be shielded, possibly because of this. It can be extremely frustrating to have these obvious concepts from the internet that nobody else understands. Likewise, people offline speak English, but a weird kind with a bunch of hard to understand stuff in it.
IV.
Which brings us to three nights: tonight, last night, and the night before. Let's look at the earliest night first.

A little over a week ago, I went to my roommates and tearfully asked why they hated me, since they never asked me along when they went out. This may have been what prompted one of them to invite me for a trivia night at a bar. This was the first time I had ever gone with a group of people to a bar, which I'm pretty sure is a near daily experience for offliners. I am pretty sure I immediately flubbed all relationships with everybody by bragging. I told my roommate on the way there that I had interviewed a bestselling author, and once I was there with the group, I said I had a guy sending me a 3DS for free. Ugh, I know. Anyways, the first category was Pokemon, and with this first category comes Mystery Number One: why were they laughing? Were they laughing at me?

As soon as the category was announced, I said enthusiastically that I was a huge Pokemon fan and that indeed I had with me my Gameboy with Emerald inside. Questions were answered by teams writing them down on sheets of paper and then submitting them to the bartender. As I answered questions with gusto and gave short explanations, there was a lot of laughter but not many jokes. Note that this was not the sneering laughter of bullies on TV. It didn't seem mean. But maybe I am bad at recognizing mean laughter? Also, the guys and I talked about video games before the quiz. Is Pokemon somehow funnier than other video games? Did I seem childish for being into Pokemon, and they were laughing at that?

The laughter would often come right after I talked about something Pokemon related. Unsettling, no? It seemed a bit similar but not identical to my mom's nervous laughter that she uses after making an unfunny half-joke to somebody she is trying to make friends with (example: and then I put the cat in her crate, but you know how cats are, she didn't want to go in, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). Were they nervous about how much I liked Pokemon? Was having a Pokemon fan around disquieting for them?

The rest of the trivia night passed pretty uneventfully. I helped them cheat at one point. Not sure if that was a good or bad idea, social-wise. I drove my roommate home since she'd had a few drinks.
V.
Night two. Roommate's friends are gathered in the apartment, about to go to a bar to watch hockey. One of them invited me! I came with them and as always brought a bunch of stuff just in case I got bored. I bring my laptop, my gameboy, my phone, and at least one book everywhere I go. Anyways, since my roommate was texting on her phone, I assumed I could talk while surfing Kintsugi on mine. I am not sure if that rule extends to Gameboys, which is Mystery Number Two: did I look odd playing my Gameboy at a table at a bar?

I think I made a pretty good impression on one of the friends, but you never know. I'm also worried I half-jokingly begged for food too much. How much is too much? Is any at all too much?
VI.
Tonight. No bar trips, just both my roommates and a couple of their close friends at the apartment. They came here at 3 AM and so I threw on a shirt and emerged from my room. They mentioned they were friends with some of the staff at places they frequented. I said I wanted to be, but I was worried they thought of me as "the annoying one" and that I had no way to tell since they are paid to be nice to me. Roommate's friend said that I was nicer than him.

Here I tried to quote the tags in the pic from this Tumblr post. I thought they were pretty funny when I read them! I called him a pillow, a cream puff, a cotton swab, and a jelly donut, and told him to not leak his strawberry filling when he protested. I figured this was all in good fun.

And then everything went really weird.

I persisted, but when he said in a flat tone not to say those names, I stopped and then apologized. On the topic of nice people, roommate's other friend who is really nice asked whether I thought he was a douche at first because of his big muscles. I said, no, a douche doesn't have big muscles, a douche wears a fedora. Roommate said I was talking about hipsters and chuckled a bit. Since I wasn't talking about hipsters, I clarified that this fedora comes with a trench coat and neckbeard. She said that sounded like a rapist, and I laughed it off because obviously none of them had any idea what I was talking about, which weirded me out because how can somebody not know about neckbeards? The mind boggles.

The roommate friend from earlier said I sounded like somebody who made a lot of assumptions and stereotypes and I got kind of teary eyed and started apologizing a bunch.

A few minutes later, friend number two wanted to show number one something. I came over as well but all of the sudden I wasn't allowed to see? Apparently it was something funny the dog did that involved 2's genitals. Which I don't see why friend 1 was going to see and I wasn't because 2 and roommate are together and 1 has never been with 2? It's that thing where people try to shield me from stuff, I think.

Next I asked how badly I had offended everybody and they said not at all, they were just joking around and being sassy/sarcastic earlier. I tried to explain that that was what I was trying to do with the cream puff/cotton swap/pillow thing. I have NO CLUE whether they understood or not. I have NO CLUE whether 1 was asserting a boundary or just joking around, since what he said later seemed to imply he was just joking around. And I have no clue whether I wrecked their good time by getting upset or if it wasn't a problem. They said it wasn't a problem but doesn't an upset person harsh the buzz of a room?

I never had much experience with groups of people and now that I am with groups all of the sudden I don't understand anything.

 

It's hard to tell what their intentions are from your description, but inviting you places is a good sign. They may very well consider you the "innocent" one, which could explain the laughing with the pokemon stuff(that is, they may be laughing at what an adorable kid who still loves pokemon!). This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I tend to be considered the "innocent" one. I personally don't fight it, because I use it as a free pass to ask questions(this is so freeing. I abuse this system all the time). That doesn't stop me from saying very weird/cruel things that make people give me a double take, but they slowly learn that I'm not really that innocent.

I still don't have a handle on the name-calling/joking thing. It has a lot to do with familiarity, so it's best not use it this early. Part of it is they don't know you enough to determine whether it is in jest or meanspirited. Also, you may have inadvertantly hit a tender spot. The friend may have established boundaries to protect themself, but didn't want you to feel bad because you did not know/intend to hurt them.

Overall, this group seems to be pretty nice. I think there will be some rough patches due to different cultural understanding, but it sounds like they aren't particularly offended or anything. If you have some one you can trust in the group, I would ask them to tell you if/when you act innapropriately.

Hope this helps! Group socializing can be rough.

 

Where's the joke???

 

Sometimes people laugh regardless of if there's a joke, as a way of showing amusement and they are laughing WITH people, not at them. Laughing is not always indicative of making fun of someone, or a joke.

 

Yeah. It's more like laughter=joy in this case, not laughter=joke.

 

Fuck

I just went out to cook a potato and they were there and I started off by apologizing and then on my way back a roommate asked me to not slam the cupboard so loud because they were trying to watch a movie and

She had already asked me to be quieter with the cupboards a few days ago, I failed

I'll never be friends with these people, I am just a big failure who doesn't understand anything, all I do is mess up

 

It's okay! Sometimes people forget and make mistakes. I don't think messing up once in a while will make them hate you. It just takes a bit to actually be friends with someone, and it involves being willing and open to talking with people and saying sorry when it is necessary.

 

If they're not interested enough in being friends to overlook cupboard noises sometimes, then yeah, they won't be your friends no matter how loud you are. If they're friend material, they'll forgive you.