Amber graduated! a mental health and friends thread

Had a Really Bad Executive Function weekend for the first time in a while-- I think I've noticed every weekend I decide to not go out on friday with the usual movie-going group my executive function is worse for the rest of the weekend. Man it's almost like leaving your 300 sq ft abode and socializing is good for your mental health or something

anyways apparently also good for my mental health is complaining about getting nothing done; every time i've complained in some forum or another about my bad executive function almost immediately after I decide that I need to get something done. It's sorta this.. I've broken the pattern of avoidance enough times that I know the thing that actually makes the bad feels stop for good is doing the thing, so i'm able to get into an angry 'i just want this feeling to stop so i'll DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE' response which is. really handy because then i get things done.

 

also my senior film is practically done so Graduating is rapidly ceasing to be the next goal of my life and Doing Something After College is becoming a bigger and bigger thing
i'm much, much chiller about it than i was like 9 months ago which is great but also possbily not great because like
the thing is... almost nothing about having a Full Time Job In Your Field appeals to me more than having a part time job in any field does right now? I know this is a thousand miles of privilige and not actually having worked a retail position before talking but like.
So there's next to no jobs in my field in any place I have lived and have friends in right now. I am willing to move to a new city as long as it's big and queer enough to have nice queer and kink communities, cause honestly? I'm more interested in regaining a social life i'm happy with than a job right now, whoops. So there's a big part of me that wants to not get a Job so that I can find a way to move back to my home city, where I already have a bunch of friends, and find some odd jobs for a little while while also being able to Actually Have A Social Life With People I'm Completely Comfy With.

Also I'm not super worried about finances right now because

Spoiler: possibly tmi mentions about my financial life

I've just started doing camming as a thing.. yay i guess I'm officially a sex worker? anyways it's been three weeks and I've made $471 so far which definitely isn't full time but definitely isnt something to sneeze at.. specially when I think I've been putting at max 15 hours a week to this, most likely more like 10ish hours a week. So i'm feeling pretty confident that I can get a normal part time job as well and be pretty cmfy while i continue to figure out my life..

i'm definitely not ruling out going into the arts for full time jobs in the future and will be much much more pursuing commission and freelance work once i'm out of college just.. fuck man applying to random-ass jobs around the globe for 2d animation and like literally never getting replies is exhausting. especially when i'm not sure i'll be happy with it if i do get a job

 

I don´t think there´s anything wrong with just getting any job while you rebuild your social life. Also I nearly posted this as Sitara and that is very fitting.

 

Yeah... I'm sorta in a fight between my want for the friends i have in the twin cities and my Sense Of Adventure that wants me to strike out with a cool full time animation job in a new city possibly in a new country and Have Adventures.
we'll seeee.

 

Senior. Film. Is. Done. Yaaaaaaaaaaaas.

 

screams. i dont wanna job searchhh

 

wow I hate presentation creation a lot. i hate having to re-read all these articles to find the info and i feel that constant growing dread that i'm gonna put some part of it off to last-minute cramming >.< blugh.

on the plus side this is my last presentation and last paper like ever so thats nice.

 

Ohhhhh my god I've got the basic note-taking writing part done and i just have to find pictures for this stuff but my brain is stuck on a giant 'NO I DONT WANNA'

 

Aaaaugh I am feeling so much goddamn conflict because what I want to do is not lining up with what my parents want me to do and it's struggle ;-;
I want to move back to MN ASAP after college since i haven't gotten anything coming back from animation job searching and just want to like, get a normal customer service or whatever back in my home state where there's people i like and things to do. my parents want me to stay home for a month searching for an animation job. I just. I don't want to do that. I'm totally fine not continuing my search or delaying my search or just. y'know. continuing my search in a place that's not my parents home. because my parent's home is boring. and I have an opportunity for a place with $300 rent in a place I want to be with people i like being with, as long as I can actually say 'yes i'm going to go live with you' and tbh i keep putting off job searching i think subconciously because i really want this. and i'm just. stressed out about it all.
my parents are legitimately great and want to try and help me have the best possible post-college life and i love them but i really wish i could make this decision without feeling like i have to convince them ;-; i just want to do what i think will make me happy and help me like, actually pull myself together to figure out how to pursue what i want in life. i just don't feel ready to career right now.

 

-pets- i think you should do what you feel is best for you. Like, your parents can have good intentions but you´re the one who has to live with the results of your decisions, not them.

 

BOY HOWDY I SURE HATE MAKING IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS MYSELF

 

'Just do whichever decision you want'

YOU SEE THE THING IS MY BRAIN KEEPS CHANGING WHICH ONE IT WANTS APPROXIMATELY TWICE A DAY

 

I actually texted my mom about how i'm leaning towards going to mn and she started to concede my point which somehow made my brain go 'NO THIS IS THE WRONG DECISION WHY'D YOU DO THAT'

 

i'm not ready to be a real adult why is ths happen

 

Whooooo I have official plan!! I feel so much better now. I managed to explain the 'go back to Minnesota' in a way that made mom realize I'm still being responsible and planning; so I've gotten her alright with me going, so I'm gonna do that!!! I'm still nervous about like, getting a job, being a Real Adult, etc, but it should be manageable!!! And I'm excited to be back where I have lots of friends and support

 

So, things I didn't expect 2 days after I started applying to random customer service jobs in minneapolis: an interview ?!?!?!? bed bath & beyond messaged me like 'yo come interview this weekend or call us if you cant' and so i called cause lol i'm out of town for a literal month and the manager said they're hiring all summer so i should just come in when i get in town to schedule an interview anyways so ?????? cool

 

Boy i'm excited to move out and be away from parental pressure for a while. having that constant what do you want burr feel is gettin really old
no dad, i'm not also applying to various international location animation jobs while having said yes to moving in with a friend in a specific location. if i said 'oh yeah i'm moving into your empty room that you really need filled july 1st' and then went 'oh whoops nevermind i'm going to the uk bye' when there's only a few weeks or less before they need someone in that room i'd be an asshole. accept that your daughter is not getting a career job in the next 3 months plz

 

I got a second interview offer for before i'm actually in town to interview xD;; i'm starting to think maybe i'm jumping the gun on job search. but like. friend the same age took like 2 months to get a job in the same area???? i am confuse at my success often

 

Well uh now I have an actual scheduled interview with starbucks. why are minneapolis service jobs so thirsty for me

 

an actual job-applying question tho: major depression is listed on the 'do you have a disability' forms and i have been officially diagnosed with it, but at this time i barely show my symptoms of it because of my medication being really effective. how should i answer this ??? am i gonna be less likely to get jobs if i answer yes, if i decline to respond do i lose a chance at accommodations if i ever need them?