So... I haven't been on here in a while, for no real reason, but some stuff has been going on and I had one of the weirdest anxiety experiences of my life last night, which is a long story I'd rather not get into. Long story short, this whole combination of things in my life and my usual tendency to fear and stress over things completely out of my control have made my anxiety so much worse, and I kind of need to talk about it somewhere and maybe get some advice. I'm a senior in high school, and I'm applying to college right now. I have pretty good scores, but not like, really good scores. I have a common app essay almost finished, but I have a shit ton of supplementals to write and I haven't worked on any of them that much in a really long time. The whole process just stresses me the fuck out considering one of my main issues is feeling like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. Also, I have almost no free time. I have a lot going on right now and I have something going on almost every day after school. Most of it is rehearsals for a play I'm in right now which will wrap up this week. The thing is, I haven't seen my therapist in months, which isn't helping my anxiety. Something my mom keeps bringing up to me is that when I was seeing my therapist regularly, I never practiced any of the coping mechanisms she told me about to stop me from getting panic attacks (stuff like deep breathing, progressive relaxation). I would just vent to her. There's a lot more stressors in my life than usual and I'm not coping well. I just feel this constant tension in my chest, I cry over things a lot more, and I just kind of enjoy things less. I have appointments with my therapist coming up in a few weeks and I know it's not going to fix everything instantly and I need to actually make an effort and remember to practice all the stuff she tells me to do. But I've always been really bad at remembering to consistently practice anything that isn't music. So yeah. I've kinda been a mess lately and I need some advice.
Oof. The last year of high school, and trying to get into college, are always really stressful. You're not wrong or bad for feeling stressed out - you've got a lot of stuff going on and it sounds like no time to decompress and relax. Would practicing in bed work? It's not the same as carving out five minutes in the day to yourself, but it's a consistent time when you wouldn't have anything else to do and when you'd be alone. Personally, I know that one of the things that was hard for me with practicing coping mechanisms like what you mentioned was the idea of someone seeing me practice them - even if it was someone who would understand what I was doing. Also, what would happen if you brought up the idea of taking a gap year? A year where you're taking the time to look after yourself and destress, so that you can get the most out of any continued education and take the time to figure out what you want to do next?
I've tried the deep breathing and progressive relaxation stuff to fall asleep, and it was actually pretty helpful. I need to try to do that more often. As for taking a gap year, I've considered it but I'm really not sure. My parents would be fine with it as long as I got a job, but I'm worried I'd lose momentum and have no direction. Also, most of my friends are going straight to college, and I guess I'd just feel kinda left behind if I didn't.
hella relatable. i still have problems now (im a junior in college) but goddamn first half of senior year sucked so much ass if you have any college questions in general definitely feel free to hmu (im in the US for reference, not sure how the process is in other countries gjdnfkdnfj)
