Ask A Paint/Home Decor Specialist

Discussion in 'Your Bijou Blogette' started by Artemis, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    And by 'ask' I mean 'let me talk at you about paint and the adventures and misadventures of retail work at a blue-gabled home improvement store that we'll call Wole's for fun and protection'

    Since 4/20 (HEYO) I've been working at the paint department at Wole's. Obviously I can't talk about specific products at any other store (House Depot, Benjamin Less, etc) but I can tell you all about paint, stains, primers, sandpaper, spray paint, brushes, rollers, e t c e t e r a in general!

    Have a question? Feel free to ask! I like to talk about my lowkey perseveration on my job. I also like feeling helpful, so it's like a double win. And you get information, so it's a TRIPLE win!!! You can't find a deal like this anywhere else folks.

    I'm reserving the next post so I can talk about What You Need To Know To Order Paint because apparently only like 1 in 10 people knows and maybe it will help you next time you want to paint a room in your lovely condo or the outside of your quaint forest cottage, and maybe it will also help me to put it in write-words to be able to explain better in speech-words when customers are lost and confused.
    • Winner x 3
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  2. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron


    • Know what colour you want. And no, in this context, 'green' is not an answer. 'Hunter green' might be an answer, if you can tell us which colour catalog it's coming from. Because every company has a hunter green, and they all look slightly different (there are 22 colours in our database called 'espresso' and they range from slightly beige off-white to practically black to any shade of brown or orange in between).
      • Please don't ask us what colour we would pick. You probably mean well, but some customers are Those Customers that have ruined it for everyone and will come back screaming their heads off because 'we told them to pick that shade and it looks awful on their house' so we just really don't do the whole recommendation thing.
      • For example, "do you think this would look good together" the only answer you will get is "Do you?" because. It's your house. What I think is irrelevant.
      • If you don't know the colour you want ahead of time btw, that's okay!! We're happy to have you peruse our colour collections while in the store, we're only annoyed by people walking up and saying 'red' and nothing else and assuming we know how bright or dark or muted of a red they want.
      • If you send someone else to get the paint, please select the colour out ahead of time and don't trust someone if you can't see it with your own eyes.
        • Please don't send your colourblind spouse/sibling/friend/cousin/mother/child/dog to pick out the colour without you, and yes this happens way too often

    • Once you know your colour, you'll need to know what sheen you want to get that colour in. Sheen (or shine) is how, well, shiny it is.
      • Flat is no shine at all, otherwise known as a matte finish. Flat is used primarily for say, offices or living rooms, assuming you don't have kids/pets. Flat won't show any imperfections in the surface as much, since it has no reflection to it, but it's really hard to clean so you don't want to use it anywhere that's going to get a lot of use.
      • Eggshell, otherwise known as a semi-matte finish, is what you use if you want an almost flat finish but with the ability to actually wipe it down occasionally, or if you're turned off by a completely flat finish but don't want to go crazy. I like eggshell, and I'd probably never use flat for anything personally, but to each their own.
        • No, eggshell is not a colour. It's a sheen. What you want is off-white, beige, or maybe antique white.
      • Satin is the dead middle of the sheens. Good for kids' rooms, dining areas, maybe the kitchen or bathroom if you don't like semi-gloss at all.
      • Semi-gloss is used almost exclusively for bathrooms and kitchens, as well as trim work (if you don't want to do semi-gloss trim, always go a step above whatever your main wall is at least, never do a flat trim on a satin room for example).
        • Flat, Eggshell, Satin, and Semi-Gloss are the four sheens you'll mainly work with. If they were on a spectrum with Flat at 0 and Semi-Gloss at 100, imagine Satin is about halfway between them at 50, and Eggshell is halfway again between that and Flat at 25.
      • Gloss is used for... uh, trim, I guess. I don't recommend it for a wall ever, although what do I know, my ex I lived with for a while had gloss walls, so use that as a reminder that all of these are majority guidelines, not hard and fast rules you can't break or we'll call the paint police on you.
        • Please do not put gloss on your ceiling dear heavens you will regret this sir.
        • Your ceiling should ONLY be flat, in fact they make ceiling specific paint that is the FLATTEST FLAT because no you do not want a reflective ceiling please reconsider sir please don't do this.

    • Next you need to know what kind of paint you are getting.
      • The first question I'll ask to help narrow it down is 'interior or exterior'. Yes, they use separate paints. No, you can't use interior paint outside and have it last. Yes, you can use exterior paint inside if you really want, but it's a fair amount pricier so I don't know why you would want to.
      • The next question is 'what are you painting'. Bare wood, vinyl, plastic, etc, all need a primer or your paint will just peel off. Yes, it says 'paint + primer'. No, there's no primer in paint+primer. There's not. It's just thicker paint. It's. Not. Primer. Bear invented it as a marketing tactic and now we're all stuck playing along or customers lose their shit thinking we have inferior paint. I'll talk more about primer later.
      • The other reason this question matters is because if you are painting metal, you need to use oil-based paint. Latex peels off metal like a banana skin, don't even bother painting latex on metal. Besides, do you really, logically, think you want to put water-based paint on metal?? Instead of rust-resistent oil-based paint??
        • Side note, water-based/latex/acrylic are all the same thing. Don't freak out at what seems like a bunch of options that's really different ways of saying the same thing.
      • If you say the name of a company like "Valspar" that narrows it down some, but all the paint companies put out multiple lines and you'll still need to pick among 2000, Simplicity, Ultra, Signature, etc.
        • I have discovered that frequently, someone insists they want X brand, looks at the prices and the features, and realizes they don't actually care if it's specifically X brand.
        • Yes, if you go out of your way to ask for Valspar, I will not show you any other paint lines, because if you request a specific company I assume you know enough to have come to that conclusion that that is The One You Want.
        • This is also the part that is most understandable i you have questions and you've never painted before. Feel free to ask the difference between them all. Contrary to a few conspiracy theorists' beliefs, we... don't charge more for worse paint?? You may disagree with how much more it costs, but no really, the price line-up matches the quality.
          • Yes there is a $9 paint if you go all the way to the end to the paint lines I never recommend to anyone and have to be talked into giving you. It's shit. It's so fucking shit. I cannot express how shit it is. There is a reason the paints I told you about stopped at ABC, and it's not because I'm secretly plotting to keep the good-but-also-dirt-cheap paint from you. Don't even bother painting with that stuff, it's basically water.

    • Finally, you'll need to know how much paint you are getting.
      • A quart will cover a bit under 100 square feet.
      • A gallon will cover a bit under 400 square feet.
      • A 5-gallon will cover a bit under 2000 square feet.
      • Please know your wall dimensions if you plan on asking me to do your math. I don't mind at all! We even have a calculator specifically to tell us how much paint you probably need, if I can't do it in my head! But your floorplan area is not any help. I do not have the foggiest how much paint your den needs if your total square foot of floor-age in the whole dang apartment is 1100 square feet. That's only helpful if I want to paint the floor.
        • Yes this means you'd have to measure each wall if they're different dimensions. No I can't tell you what [vague arm gesture indications] will be in paint dimensions. Please measure it, for both our sakes.
          • Do... do so few people... really understand area... you need the height and the length... if your walls are irregular measure wide and give me the maximum height and/or length
          • (the answer is yes, so very few people know how to measure the area of their walls)

    • So!! To order paint, you need your colour, sheen, type, and amount.
      • "I'd like 5 gallons of Badlands Red, in the Ultra, in a semi-gloss"
      • "Can I get a quart of satin Duramax in this -hands colour card-"
      • "I need, uh, white-white. The whitest white you have. In the cheapest interior flat you have."
    • stop deleting my line breaks you piece of shit
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
    • Useful x 5
    • Informative x 3
    • Like x 1
  3. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    goddess I love bullet points look how CRISP and NEAT that looks at least in my opinion and it's my bloguet i can have whatever opinion i want

    That has nothing to do with Paint I'm just feeling chuffed and want to acknowledge said chuffness.

    I'm probably used chuffed wrong.

    Too chuffed to care.
    • Agree x 5
    • Like x 1
  4. vuatson

    vuatson [delurks]

    question: what if I do want a reflective ceiling
    • Agree x 3
    • Like x 1
  5. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    Don't get ultra white; get a slight off-white.

    Clean the ceiling very well beforehand, or any specks of dust/cobweb/whatever are going to be encased forever in shiny paint.

    If you are determined, personal suggestion is don't even go white at all: go black. Preferably black with the sparkles mixed in and just have a galaxy ceiling.
    • Useful x 6
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  6. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    (you did not use chuffed wrong also this is very helpful)
    • Agree x 3
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  7. vuatson

    vuatson [delurks]

    I was expecting to be shamed for my bad taste but that was actually quite useful! and galaxy ceiling sounds rad as fuck. I wish I had an excuse to paint something now so I could try that out.

    I would probably never use white anyway unless I was painting a room that was supposed to be boring. I’ve been responsible for choosing a room’s color scheme twice in my life and the first time I went with mint green walls, lavender ceiling, and light yellow trim, the second time time lime green walls+ceiling and dark eggplant purple trim. and it works! my family members who have better taste than me confirm!!
    • Agree x 2
    • Winner x 2
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  8. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    This threadblog is a shamefree zone do not worry friendo
    • Winner x 4
  9. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    Expected like 2 people to glance at this thread and apparently this was

    an underestimation

    henlo potential home painters
    • Like x 2
    • Winner x 1
  10. vuatson

    vuatson [delurks]

    it’s all the wistful fantasies of future homeownership
    • Agree x 7
    • Like x 1
  11. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    if you are nice i will tell you if we have a sale coming up before you commit to getting paint because capitalism pays my bills but also fuck capitalism uknowatimean

    if you are nice i will also let you haggle with the mistints (any returned paints or paints that the tinter screwed up on somehow because technology is great until it's not, or colour matches the customer didn't like; apparently commonly known among the general public as our Oops Paint)

    mistints are as a rule 30 dollars for a 5gal and 9 dollars for a 1gal, but i have definitely let a guy take some 5gals for 10 bucks each, shit it's more money than they're making us sitting there being ugly unsold colours (for comparison the high end 5gals run over 200 dollars)

    no we are not allowed to haggle over any other prices but once it's on the clearance rack we just want it GONE
    • Winner x 3
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  12. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    Screams in autistic retail


    • Witnessed x 5
  13. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    Please don't use primer as paint.

    Not even if your client wants a flat white finish. It is not. The same.

    Please do not hire people on meth that you've never met to paint your house for mega-cheap, whoever you were that hired that man.

    (I live in the meth capital of the state. I can spot a tweaker. This man was TWEAKING.)
    • Witnessed x 4
  14. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron



    not me I just want to sleep im an exhausted mofo
    • Witnessed x 5
  15. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    There was a gator in the garden center.

    this doesn't have anything to do with paint I just thought you ought to know

    it was idk 3-4 feet so not A Giant Terrible Beast but also

    not just a lil babbay
    • Informative x 2
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  16. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    btw note to self I need to make fingerwords (like mouthsounds but typed on a screen) about brushes/rollers/other applicators because yes it matters and no i'm not Just Telling You That to keep the 98c brushes from you. please dont. they are called Chip Brushes and not Paint Brushes for a reason. but more on that later its 10pm and thats early for this night worm but theres no a/c at work rn and that makes everything like eight billion times more exhausting.
    • Like x 2
  17. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    Please... for the love whatever is holy to you... or unholy as the case may be...

    Please stop asking if we have face masks for coronavirus.

    • the regular face masks most of you are buying will not do anything to prevent transmission
    • no not the N95 either you don't know what that means, yes it's a good mask but it's not rated for medical prevention
    • you are fucking over the health of a TON of workers by the way by hoarding up dust masks, which is what that is, a dust mask, not a virus mask, and you have some REALLY ornery contractors being told they have to just breathe drywall dust/spray paint fumes in enclosed areas/etc
    • you are directly damaging people's health!! just to be paranoid hoarders!! wtf!!
    • the only 'mask' I would personally recommend to even come close is going to be a full respirator with cratridges
    • yes I know BUT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS WEAR FACE MASKS they don't wear them to prevent CONTRACTING a disease they wear them to prevent TRANSMITTING a disease by keeping bodily fluids contained if they sneeze/cough/etc they wear those for YOUR safety not the other way around arghgjklsghrekl
    • no we do not have hand santizier. rubbing alcohol. (no sir you can't use ethanol in place of isopropanol sir pls). damprid. lysol wipes. clorox wipes. hand soap. we bout to be out of toilet paper. paper towels. bottled water. clorox gallons. spray lysol. disposable gloves.
    • I am so tired of people's greedy, selfish panic
    • all bitterness and frustration with ignorance aside, please do stay safe, just... be reaosnable about it, eh?
    • Witnessed x 6
    • Agree x 2
  18. KaidaShade

    KaidaShade Definitely not a horse

    Hello yes this thread got me excited all over again for all the decorating I'm going to have to do when I complete on my new house.

    I think this might be a sign of adulthood, wandering around the DIY store getting excited about paint
    • Winner x 4
  19. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    Ironically I'm transferring to Home Decor so I should probably change the thread title but... Ilikeit.

    Gonna learn how to do install sales tho!! And all about blinds/drapes/shutters.

    Slowly I shall become a master of achieving home design dreams.

    Also, unrelated anecdote: no ma'am we cannot cut your blinds... longer?? (She was completely serious). No other ma'am nothing that Dries Stain Fast exists as a product. You can like... point a fan at it.
    • Winner x 5
    • Like x 1
  20. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    I can't believe I had to explain this to someone today, but:

    You need the same amount of primer as you do paint. Because you... paint it on. First. Like an undercoat of paint. That is how it works.

    She would not be convinced and bought one gallon of primer to go with her 5-gallon of paint.

    I still boggle.
    • Witnessed x 6
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