I want to understand antisocial personality disorder. I have an extreme avoidance of people with personality disorders (namely BPD and NPD) because of a prior abuse history. However. My fiancee has been diagnosed with AsPD and I want to understand instead of run away. He would always tell me "I'm a sociopath" and it always came off as super like. Edgelord. And the negative connotations of that sort of thing scared me. I suggested that perhaps he had AsPD instead, not knowing they were the same thing. I am faced with the choice of being ignorant out of fear, and learning what can I can do to make this easier for me. I want to learn. Help?
Hi! So, ASPD is a pretty broad category. You might want to read up on James Fallon's research; he's a researcher who accidentally discovered that he's got the same physical brain things going as psychopaths. But he's friendly! He calls it "nonviolent psychopath". So clinically, I'm not ASPD. I have most of the traits. Basic summary: Very reduced fear response, nothing at all comparable to the emotions of shame, guilt, or remorse. Not much pity. Zero affective-empathy, meaning, I don't feel pain when I see people in pain. What I do have is the ability to feel compassion. To care about people, not because my brain is wired so that I have to, but because I have thought about people and think they're pretty cool and I would like them to be happier. YMMV. The "comes across as being a bit of an edgelord" thing is real, and really, I'm not trying to be like that, it's just... that's my sense of humor.
What I've come to kind of gather is that his love for me is a Choice rather than an innate feeling. Which is fine! It's strange to me because I only have experience with ADHD/autism for myself, and I guess wrongly attributed those things to him? The overlap in the symptoms is incredible from an external perspective. Because his brand of brain weird has always felt like a flavor of autism. But not. Not quite. Does it often go misdiagnosed? Or is the antisocial aspect (against societal expectations and morals, not social avoidant) the key factor and difference between those things?
I'm not-ASPD, but the difference between me and ASPD is that I don't have poor enough impulse control that it gets me in trouble. That's it. I'm still just as mean, I'm just inclined to decide against that. I'm also autistic and ADHD. So, "against societal morals" is probably the big thing, but also... Most autistic people can feel shame and guilt, so far as I know? I admit to having only a sketchy understanding of the concepts. Also: In long-term healthy relationships, love is always a choice, rather than an innate feeling. The feeling might be what drives people to make that choice, but if you haven't got the choice, it's not gonna be durable, in my experience.
