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At least one thing a day

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by chthonicfatigue, Feb 17, 2017.

  1. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    No need for responses if you can't deal with what I post. This is a diary thing for me to look back on because my recall is shot to hell.

    a therapist asked an aquaintance what he'd learned from his suicide attempt. He said, 'Never buy a rope from the discount shop'. I still think that's probably the funniest thing I've heard all last year, which probably tells you something about me.

    Heard my neighbour spreading gossip about me & Li today, right outside our open window. Lies, slander. Not content with telling delivery people that we've moved out or trying to take our mail. Not content with trying to steal our piece of land at the back. Not content with ruining my plants, dumping his food waste on the path, throwing the contents of his ashtrays all over the stairs, threatening us with a saw and then playing the helpless older man to the policeman who came to interview him. Not content for standing in my way when he sees me, making disgusting comments under his breath, raking through our bin bags when he thinks he won't get caught. No, he has to tell the older lady living diagonally beneath that we're basically terrorizing him because Li works backshifts and gets in late. That we made so much noise his life is a living hell keeping him from sleeping. It's not like we can hear his bedroom TV from the other end of the house, loud enough to make out words. It's not like we hear him snoring like Wookiee with a megaphone and sinus problems, day and night. It's not like he gets on the phone to his latest bird and screams obscenities at her when she won't visit, or refuses to pay him half for a "present" he gave her. It's not like I hear him slapping his prepubescent granddaughter for waking him up when he babysits, telling her to shut her fucking mouth and calling her a wee C**T.

    Nope. We're definitely the villains. The suicidal chronically depressed trans bloke on disability, and the guy who was abused as a kid and now has depression, anxiety, severe self-esteem issues and who has literally served as a councillor for the local community and as an official in the local festivals. And who has a full PVG disclosure because his job involves transporting children and vulnerable people.

    How can anyone stand to live beside such a terrible couple. Haha, no wonder my human interaction is limited to basically 3 people. No wonder I sit in silence too worried to listen to music or turn on a film or play a game or basically engage in any activity I like, in case it gets used as ammunition for a fucking hate campaign. That I have to pretend to ignore the rude gestures and way he stares up at our window tracking our every movement, and the way he follows our car about if we go out. Because we've been warned not to engage him, to ignore his ever-encroaching abhorrant presence in our space and lives, because we're supposed to pretend we don't see the venomous hate he holds for us, and can't say anything about the way he's using that to turn people against us.

    How the fuck is that fair.
    • Like x 1
  2. rats

    rats 21 Bright Forge Shatters The Void

    witnessing, that sucks so hard, wtf is his problem
    • Like x 2
  3. Witnessed. Sorry you're having to go through this.
    • Like x 2
  4. Birdy

    Birdy bad autistic stereotype

    that's fuckery for sure. I hope your life can get a little better in the meantime
    • Like x 1
  5. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    witnessed. I like you and am open to listen if you ever need to talk.
    • Like x 2
  6. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Just to be clear, I am still using the site but stepping back a long way. I'll continue this thread, the posts in Fan Town until my FR account is cleared, and may occasionally like things.

    I don't want to engage anyone who has a problem with me, and I've got a lot of users on ignore for my own mental health, plus a ban from the Holler Closet. I refuse to nuke this account, though. I may have made a complete fuck of everything but making a new account and abandoning this main just feels dishonest.
    Like I'm trying to escape consequences, and - yeah. Owning your balls-ups is better.

    I would like to make it clear that I feel absolutely no obligation to explain or debug social interactions which are entirely avoidable by using ignore. Unpopular opinion! It's grand.
    • Like x 5
  7. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Over 1800 days. I'm ... when you count it out like that it seems unbelievable. Dealing with it almost every day makes it seem normal, and when you remove yourself from the situation there's a vague itch at the back of your brain - adrenaline response for something you know, logically, isn't going to happen.

    And there's nothing we can do. He has plausible deniability. His TV gets loud because he has hearing problems but he somehow manages to hear Li and I converse normally through the floor. The doors slam because they don't shut properly, even after the housing association responded to police reports and came to fix them. He bangs on the walls and ceiling when I vacuum mid-afternoon, but when he turns on his vacuum at 6am and leaves it running in a single spot in one room for hours on end, it's just doing chores. There's an answer for fucking everything, and he gets to call us fucking idiots and tell everyone we're making his life hell and we're not allowed to respond or even acknowledge the problem because it might aggravate the situation? Somehow?

    Just. I have been so patient, so fucking patient, but even I have limits on my tolerance and self-control. It burns to admit it.
  8. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Stop shouting down the phone. It's 2.15 am and you've been doing this for hours. Stop stalking me when I take the bin out. Stop watching Li through the curtains all the time, it's creepy.

    And stop defrauding your girlfriends because I'm sick of them turning up at my door and acting like I'm protecting you somehow when you don't appear with their money.
  9. Petra

    Petra space case

    Well that guy sounds like he's got the morality of a trash fire. Sorry you have to deal with him.
    • Like x 2
  10. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

  11. Morgan Jae

    Morgan Jae knife legislation

    jesus christ how does such a human being exist
    • Like x 1
  12. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    @hellfirelover I don't want to stress you at all, but leo/baskerville has been more hurt by placing them on ignore, perhaps another TCHGB thread would be a good idea when you have the spoons?
    Also just like
    god all the hugs for march being shitty
    same hat
  13. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    I no longer have any users on ignore as per my usual policy, since my mental feathers are no longer intensely ruffled (like. I am not doing well mental-health-wise at all and I can't see my gp for another two weeks, but the issues are self-destructive rather than just destructive, so I'm confident I can disengage calmly if it becomes Too Much.)
    • Like x 1
  14. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    JFC [person who is vaguely related via marriage] when I tell you I struggle to eat enough - as in actually physically struggle to take nutrition due to illness and ED patterns - could your first question not be 'oh but you must have something which is your downfall' and then ask if I drink a ton of soda without realising. Unbelievable as it may seem I am actually still fat while consuming less than 1000kcal daily.
  15. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    <holds head>
    • Like x 1
  16. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god


    No no no no no

    I can't go through this again

    This will break me in fucking two and I can't rebuild again, I don't have the fire left for another rez, please don't please please. Please. I

    People just abandon me because I look like a fucking tank and like I can take anything but they don't realise these walls are fucking hollow

    I hate emotion it's only ever been used to hurt me

    i am only tolerable if I'm good enough and I can never stay good enough

    The inevitable fuck up will drive everyone off


    And again


    I'm a fucking biohazard toxic spill of a human

    A waste of carbon

    A faithless abomination who deserves nothing and no one

    I AM A LIE

    I'll probably delete this in a paranoid panic fit soon

    But I feel

    Thrown away
  17. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    hey, what happened? can you go get a drink real quick?
  18. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    i'll be ok, husband is here to cuddle/reassure/get me stuff

    I just had a Day between family member and shitty neighbour and something on the forum which I'm not specifying but which pings me in a huge fucking tender spot from past shit which has been poorly pasted over and hastily painted (is nothing to do with you or anyone I've spoken to in the last week and a half)

    Sorry. I'm a trash fire but not a danger to anyone but myself rn
    • Like x 1
  19. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    It's you I am worried about right now. If you would like to specify, you are welcome to PM me.
  20. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Thanks Kathy

    *kicks self* get the fuck over it
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2017
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