At least one thing a day

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by chthonicfatigue, Feb 17, 2017.

  1. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Ugh ugh ugh

    I phoned my mum, because she was feeling ill last night after a day gardening and went to bed early, and she doesn't eat enough, and so god help me I still worry about my parents even though they're old enough and daft enough to look after themselves.

    My sister answers the phone.

    We have a brief conversation. She refers to me in the third person throughout, told me I need to go out in the sun for a walk to make me feel better (because just up and doing that is totally a thing I can do, without health repercussions, uh huh, not like I have heat and exercise related health issues) and terminates the conversation abruptly when I mention being with Li yesterday.

    My mum is fine, wants to know if I need her help (I DO NOT) and the sort of just says "okay speak later bye" and hangs up on me and I just ??? ??

    What? What am I doing wrong here? I know I struggle to be a proper human but I don't know what's going on? I can chew on it all I want and form all sorts of hypotheses but I can't ever get a straight answer when I ask What The Fuck Is Up and it shouldn't be driving me as crazy as it is, but there we go.

    Don't make me guess what's wrong, just fucking tell me! I have major anxiety over having to guess my way through social interactions because of the whole "if you don't know what you did wrong then its not worth telling you" bull which had me implicate myself in a dozen different ways when I was still growing up, trying to find out what what what had made people mad with me this time, i don't do that any more.

    Fuck me backwards with a bloody chainsaw.
     
    • Witnessed x 4
  2. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Alone until late Saturday because Li is gone with work and both he and I are very unsettled by the way my sister is treating him/us

    I don't know what's going on and I don't like it
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  3. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    In addition to the normal aches and pains, had a gyppy tum for the last few days. Haven't eaten much today, or drank enough. Damn this meat vehicle and it's incessant maintenance demands,
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  4. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    I ate a Thing and am now genuinely unwell again. I hate this. Body can u not.
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  5. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    howlcat + stomach cramps + thirsty = insomnia

    i would switch on a game (something low pressure, Tropico/Sims/Cities: Skylines) except I have a sleepy boy in the next room. another issue of ImagineFX, then.
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  6. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Hey hey hey

    p l e a s e retain the pancakes. There were only four and they were homemade with Stuff What Is Good so like. Please.
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  7. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Success! In the interests of upping my caloric intake to something approaching reasonable, I have just eaten a bowl of live yoghurt with a couple of passionfruit.

    If I have developed a sensitivity to soy beans (and it's looking likely, since I ate them in one form or another every day I was ill) I'm gonna be so pissed off.
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  8. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Eliminated fluoxetine as a potential suspect, so yeah. Soybeans. *briefly and wearily thinks about flipping a table, but can't be arsed*
     
    • Witnessed x 4
  9. Saro

    Saro Level 97 Bard Cleric

    I'm sorry. :(
     
    • Like x 1
  10. Mercury

    Mercury 17 Quicksilver Scribe Tramples The Unrepentant

    Saddest fistbump of solidarity.
     
    • Like x 1
  11. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Li's on late finish so I can't ice the whole pot of double cream in the fridge with yesterday's date (it's still good, i only opened it late yesterday) so I did the next best thing with the ingredients on hand, which happens to be chocolate Irish cream mousse. The tinned black cherries turned out to be a huge disappointment (bland as hell) or I'd've tried for a Black Forest cake.

    Honestly I wish I'd shelled out for a stand mixer years ago, it's so much less labour and less hassle to use and clean up after than a hand mixer. We don't talk about the spell where I was mixing everything using a balloon whisk, okay? We just... don't.
     
  12. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    I'm definitely getting better at managing my energy envelope - days in a row I've managed chores without going into cleaning hyperfocus, and the last couple I've managed a 10-min session on the vibration plate by doing it later in the evening. Still like to add yoga, but steady steady.

    Cleared a bit of my wardrobe. Couple of jumpers bought last year are drowning me, a few of the less smart tees went into a charity shop. I have food, I have water, I have Overwatch fanfic and blue-streaked hair and I feel pretty good about everything.
     
    • Like x 2
    • Winner x 1
  13. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    I'm kinda wired today despite having very little sleep - the tv's too loud, Li wants to talk and sing and show me stuff, and the only way I can get relief from the core of gradually expanding panic in my chest is by shoving on headphones and listening to white noise while reading. I feel on edge, the way I do when I've been out in a busy place too long, like there not enough air for me. (At least I don't lose control of my temper now. At least there's that.)

    Anxiety or overload or something. I dunno. Emotions are a fucking mystery.
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  14. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Update: Li noticed my tension and switched on a sim game with a soothing soundtrack and minimal disruptive alerts, supplied me with cherry bakewell green tea and a cocoa vanilla protein bar; and miraculously, even my downstairs neighbour has stopped bellowing for the time being.
     
    • Like x 4
  15. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    It's my dad's birthday tomorrow and I feel really shitty because I only got him a couple of ebooks, which I'm going to give to him loaded on my old Kindle Fire and tell him it's his to keep. Normally I'd get him some bourbon and maybe a cake and some sweets too, those are the only things he really likes, but he's not eating sugar rn; I used to get him Goon Show recordings but they seem to have gone the way of the dino (and are ridiculously expensive because the BBC loves to screw people out of money with limited releases). He just doesn't have any hobbies bar attending local meetings and watching tv and reading really terrible conservative newspapers. Idk I feel like I should be doing more for him but he's such a difficult stubborn old sod. (And now everyone knows where I get it from.)

    Bluh.
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  16. Saro

    Saro Level 97 Bard Cleric

    It sounds like you're getting him a very considerate gift that won't tempt him to eat sugar or cost you several body parts and a diamond the size of a plover's egg (fuck limited releases), so I think you're doing good. But I get feeling that way too.
     
    • Agree x 2
    • Useful x 1
  17. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    Well apparently my dad was pleased with his books and second hand tablet, so good. I got him some raspberry gin as a go along.

    Tired, though.
     
    • Like x 3
  18. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    So, I perked up a little and did almost all the dishes, took out recycling and food trash, made pepperoni chips, ate yoghurt with raspberry and apple, dried the laundry and got ridiculously happy because it was towels and they were so warm and fluffy coming out, put towels away, cleaned a countertop, fed the cat, sneaked the cat roast chicken as a treat, and levelled up in Overwatch so I could snag a loot box.
     
    • Like x 3
  19. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    One of those days where I'm like "I just want a sandwich" but can't be arsed to make fathead dough

    IMG_1325.JPG

    Turns out pepperoni chips topped with cheese and cherry tomato and pickled onion quashed that craving quick!
     
    • Winner x 1
  20. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    I love how husband thinks "tidying his table" means moving half the stuff off it onto mine and by love it I mean what the actual fuck
     
    • Witnessed x 3
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