Book I: Burnt Offerings Dramatis Personae: Oread Bard (Unnamed): Coworker K Efreet Fire Sorcerer (Ifritius): Coworker A Lvl 7 Half-Elf Elemental Bloodrager Magus (Dreok Meodin) and Weasel Familiar, (Wiggles): Avi's Husband CG Lvl 7Half-Elf Fighter (Katos): Coworker C Lvl 7 Elf Witch (Taiga Whiteclaw) and White Raven Familiar, (Lusus): Avi Lvl 2 Halfling Rogue (Mira): Coworker C's sister G GM: Also Avi Notable events of the evening: Fighter: I'm gonna lick the blood off my sword like a BadAss. GM: Okay. Roll for it. >:D Ranger: Oh no. No. Don't do it, man! Fighter: Wait, what, why? Ranger: You're going to get tetanus Fighter: Oh no. GM: Roll, dammit! Fighter: Oh no. *rolls* 17? GM: Congratulations, you manage not to slice your tongue open or get tetanus. Bard: I WANNA PUNCH THE WEREWOLF Group: NOOOO (Everyone was at 2HP, the werewolf up to this point hadn't even acknowledged they existed) Ranger: Damn these wolves fuckin hate you. Sorcerer: Well you'd be pretty pissed if I lit your balls on fire too! The Bard Crit-Failed a performance of Lullaby and deafened herself for 4 rounds. The Sorcerer slept through the alarms to wake the camp in a wolf ambush, and finally woke up when someone kicked his bedroll. He stood up, scratched his ass, blasted a wolf through a tree and went back to sleep. More later
I had an IRL group get through the first adventure (Burnt Offerings). It was way too big, none of us knew the rules properly, and the DM left before we could continue the adventure path, so it sputtered along through a series of mostly-improv adventures from DM to inexperienced DM before fizzling out. I played a half-elf conman bard. The highlight, I think, was the druid being tied to a tree to prevent him from creating Shenanigans. (the sort of shenanigans he created involved goblins being skinned and made into coats.) He Wild Shaped into a badger to escape the restraints, then (still in badger form) dug himself a hole and refused to come out. I look forward to your further adventures.
After some consideration, feverish rereading and min-maxing of Feats, Husband has exchanged his new Ranger for his old-but-untested stupidly overpowered Magus. Three casters. One melee fighter. No healer. Should be interesting. (I'm probably going to roll up a non-combatant Healer-For-Hire for them because they all gon' die.)
Magus is a melee fighter that's also a caster, right? Like the 3.5 Duskblade. They should be fine as long as they stock up on cure potions (is there anyone selling those in Sandpoint?) but I think it's not a bad idea to have a healing DMPC anyway. (also, don't bards get some cure spells?)
Exactly right on all counts. Problem is Bards don't get cure spells until waaay later. They'll be able to buy potions, buuuut with this many squishy noobs, I doubt even that will save them.
Oh, good point, I guess first level bards really only get cantrips. Let's hope your spouse's OP magus takes out the enemies first.
Tutorial Part II: This Time With Skeletons - Bard crit-failed Lullaby. Again. - Sorcerer discovered Acid Bomb - Sorcerer still does not understand the concept of "I am made of wet tissue, maybe I should stay out of melee" - Magus insists he's not OP as he destroys three skeletons single-handedly. - Fighter Splatters Brand New Cathedral, Fish Stand and Self with Rotten Flesh and Maggots Twice, more news at 11
Survived with 2hp. I'm probably going to keep throwing shit at him every time he rolls up into melee because learn, damn you! Learn! I'm pretty sure it's just compensation, like, Magus and Fighter are both hitting way harder than he is, and his melee weapon does do more damage than his spells but holy shit bro you are going to die.
Bard: Oh my God, you have the most evil giggle. GM: Of course, why do you think I rolled a Witch? I have a natural Cackle.
Bard and Sorcerer no-showed, despite being the ones the rest of us rearranged our schedules to accommodate so we're kinda pissed and wondering if we shouldn't replace them with Fighter's sibling. Especially since a couple hours of in-character banter established that Fighter and Magus are drinking buddies, get up to all kinds of shenanigans they shouldn't, cause a lot of bar fights and make my healer-for-hire Witch fix all manner of weird rashes they obtain in various brothels. Fighter now has a beautifully detailed backstory involving a lost family sword, and Witch's white raven familiar Lusus is now Corvid Lying Cat.
*flips table* FUCK IT, WE'RE PLAYING WITHOUT BARD AND SORCERER. Festival Games! Fighter won the pie-eating contest with 6 pies, won the archery contest in Robin Hood style, actually critting his final shot to split his final opponent's arrow and knock the target over. He'd left his personal bow at the inn, and had to use a basic stock bow. His first few shots nearly missed, so he started bitching about the workmanship, insulting the local bowyer. His prize was a silver-tipped +1 bow, but because he's been a dick, the bowyer had hastily engraved a reasonably accurate penis onto the face of the bow before giving it to him. Thus: Katos the Fighter now owns a +1 DickBow. Goblin Kill Count: 19 Goblins 1-Hit Killed: 6 (Headshot, headshot and knocked off a stage, sliced in half, headshot and propelled through a burning building, exploded, vaporized by Elemental Strike (Lightning)) Goblins Killed Through Their Own Stupidity: 2 (Fell off a roof, Molotov cocktail potion gone horribly wrong). The goblin fight ended up being a second, more gruesome archery contest because Magus and Fighter kept one-upping each other with ridiculous shots and shouting "And THAT's how it's done!" While Witch nursed a growing, soon to be permanent tension headache. Fighter also successfully wooed both the baker's pretty daughters with his badassery. We're going to attempt to pull in a different coworker who, unbeknownst to us, is a HUGE D&D nerd, and Fighter's sibling as replacements. Edit: Best Kill of the Night Two goblins jump off a roof to ambush the players. I intended for both of them to fail hilariously at this and just be comedic, chaotic fluff BUT... GM: *rolls two d20s simultaneously* Nat20, Nat1 All:... GM: Alright then. The first one performs a beautiful swan-dive off the balcony, combined with a front flip. He sticks the landing with a bow and a Will Smith TA-DA! Gesture at his partner, who fucks up the flip, lands headfirst and breaks his neck. Magus: I shoot the acrobat (one hit kill) GM: Before the goblin can do more than stare at his partner in confused dismay, an arrow through the temples knocks him flying. Fighter and Magus then enacted this scene with dramatic flair. They did the voices. I love everyone in this bar.
Additional Things My Players Insisted I Add aka "Things My Players Made Me Facepalm Over" Cue Introduction of Baker's Lovely Daughters (two, one for each of them because I am a benevolent god), wheeling in a cart of unnamed pies for the contest. MemeKing Fighter: *huge anticipatory grin* GM: Any references to "cherry pie" will get you stabbed. Magus: TOO LATE! *plays off his phone* GM: I hate you. Magus and Fighter: *high five* Also the Fighter's winning line to woo the Baker's Daughters was "Baker's daughters? That explains why you're so sweet." Everyone groaned and I threw a bunch of "enemy" tokens at him (I use nickels)
So you gave Shayliss a twin sister? I can't wait to see how that plays out in the Incident at the beginning of Skinsaw Murders. Hehehe.
Shayliss doesn't have a twin, the Baker canonically has twin daughters. That actually goes surprisingly well... Part II: Local Heroes The heroes of the town spend the next few days in various taverns. Fighter takes up the challenge at the Hagfish to drink from the mascot, Norah's, slime-and-filth ridden tank and is the first to do it in three years. Magus won the Tall-Tale contest with a long yarn about single-handedly routing 30 Orcs in his homeland of Last Wall, and draws the attention of Aldern Foxglove, a local noble and would-be adventurer, who invites them on a boar hunt the next day. They head back to the Rusty Dragon, where Magus calls dibs on the innkeeper, Ameiko, after watching her bodily eject a drunk from her inn while cursing creatively in Minkai. (Both of them end up with stupidly high rolls when they try to seduce people, it's ridiculous.) ---- Next day, they're asked to investigate the desecrated vault of the city's previous priest, who died in the fire that destroyed the Cathedral. The Villain had left behind two animated skeletons as a nasty surprise. Magus obliterated them both in a single Burning Hands spell. They take Aldern Foxglove up on his offer of a hunt, which takes most of the day because Aldern's excited nattering and requests for stories keep scaring off all the game. They stumble upon a Dire Boar, and manage to kill it with minimal injuries, no thanks to the laughably incompetent Aldern. During the meal, Ameiko's father, Lonjiku, bursts in demanding to speak to his daughter. The players intervene in the argument and scare him out of the inn. Ameiko thanks them with free beer and extends their free rooms another week. ---- Back at the Rusty Dragon the next morning, they privately tell Ameiko about the vandalized vault and ask who'd know about goblins in the area. She directs them to the local Sage. Before they can set out, Magus gets a 'special request' from Shayliss, the shopgirl at the General Store who takes him home and has her way with him. Fighter follows them, suspicious, because a bunch of weird shit has happened lately. When things are clearly going well for Magus, he relaxes... Until Shayliss's father comes home. Fighter frantically tries to quietly get Magus's attention, banging on the wall and waving his arms in the small window, but to no avail, because Magus currently has Shayliss's legs for earmuffs. He finally succeeds by reaching through the open window and chucking a rock at the wall next to Magus. Fighter explains in gesture that Shayliss's huge, scary, overprotective father is here, then runs inside to the shop to try and distract him, while desperately poking at the sigil Witch burned into his arm (Scar Hex) to keep track of them. Fighter nervously Bluffs the Shopkeeper into showing him around the shop, rather than investigate the noises in the basement until Witch bursts into the shop in an irritated panic, expecting more fucking goblins or worse. Fighter proves excellent at stealthy pantomime, and explains the situation, and between the two of them they manage to let Magus sneak out without alerting Shayliss's father or insulting Shayliss. (Bonus XP for cleverness!) They quickly scamper off to the Sage, with Witch berating Magus the whole way for fooling around with Shayliss of all people. She dumps a vial of freezing-cold blue potion down Magus's pants. When he complains, she asks if he'd rather have his crotch be on fire. He stops complaining. Bredan Quink, the Sage, doesn't know much about goblins beyond general knowledge of the local tribes, but is happy to tell them about the "Legend" of the old "Lighthouse", which he firmly insists is a relic from thousands of years ago, and in fact the ruins of a massive magical weapon from the time of the Runelords. (Foreshadowing!) They leave the Sage, and encounter Amele Barrett, holding her infant daughter in one arm and her son's hand in the other. She explains that her son has been having night terrors since the goblin raid, swearing there was a goblin in his closet. When she and her husband were woken yet again by her son screaming and their dog barking, they discovered the boy hadn't been dreaming, and has goblin bites up his arms to prove it and the dog died defending him! Amele ran to get help while her husband tried to shut the goblin back inside. They arrive at the eerily-silent Barrett home to find the father facedown, bloody and half dragged into a hole in the closet floorboards. After dragging the half-eaten body out, a crazed goblin leaps shrieking out of the hole--to be instantly rendered to its component molecules in midair by Magus. (Spell Combat + Spellstrike "Shocking Grasp" + Critical Hit w/ sword. = 3x the goblin's health in one shot. Nope, he's not OP at all >_<) They exit the Barrett home, to find the Sheriff with Amele Barrett. Magus gives her a beautiful rendition of the traditional Last Wall "I'm sorry for your loss, <Person Of Intrest> died nobly," Speech, reducing her to tears, and they head back to the Dragon with the Sheriff. He introduces them to Shalelu Leera, the lovely Elven goblin hunter, who has returned from patrol with bad news about the local goblin activity to tell them-- Fighter: *rolls dice* GM: Are you serious?! Ugh. --After she finishes rolling around in a hayloft with Fighter. Tomorrow, hopefully we'll get a new player and we'll move on to Part III: Glassworks and Wrath
Event of the Evening: MAGUS ==> LEVEL UP! He decides he wants a familiar. GM: Okay, describe the ritual. Do you need to go buy anything from one of the magic shops or...? Magus: I'm sure Witch has what I need. I need two candles Witch: What color? Magus: Blue. And I need five pink marbles. Witch: Candles I can do, but you'll have to steal the marbles off a kid. Fighter: Need someone to draw a sigil in the floor or something? Magus: Yes. Katos, I need you to take your sword and carve a pair of large breasts into the table. GM: What. Magus: Don't question my ritual! Fighter draws saggy, lopsided boobs on the table with his sword point. Magus: They need puffy nipples. And one is inverted. Witch shoves Fighter out of the way and carves more anatomically correct Sigil Titties. Magus: Good. Now, I'll sit in the middle, kinda nestled in the cleavage, and put a lit candle on each nipple. I'll make the marbles orbit my head as I begin to chant mysteriously. The marbles burst into pink balls of flame. Blue lightning crackles between them as they spin around me in a glowing crown. I spread my arms wide, fire in each hand, chanting reaching a crescendo and clap my hands together with a crash of thunder. Smoke six feet high swirls around me--and clears, to reveal a small weasel in its white winter coat, standing on its hind legs. He's wearing a little bowtie. Magus: This was not the anticipated result. Familiar chirps happily, scampers into his lap and onto his shoulder. Magus: I shall call you "Wiggles". Wiggles chirps happily Magus: Well. On to battle? Wiggles makes a chirping noise that sounds not unlike a trumpet. Spoiler: Sigil Tiddies
Oh! It's been a while since I read the module, haha. It sounds like this is all going well! The Witch is your NPC healer, right? Kudos on the scar hex idea -- that's a convenient way to get her to swoop in and rescue them from scrapes. I'm curious how a group with their goofy playstyle is going to react to the horror elements in the first half of RotRL. They might sober up, but knowing D&D players, I think they're more likely to ramp up the black comedy and go completely ratfuck. (Like the time we duct-taped our cannibalistic goblin-skinning druid to a tree... no, I already told that story.)
They've been getting pretty unnerved by the little bits of horror so far, such as the gruesome murders in the Late Unpleasantness or when the little boy showed his goblin bites Fighter immediately told Witch to heal him. It just doesn't seem to phase them for long. It'll be interesting how it develops! Witch is... SemiPC? She's support. Healing and stat boosts. I don't have her interact much so far, the boys' antics take up plenty of story time but with only two players we need SOME extra bodies. I'm probably going to have the boys make all the plot decisions, so I don't have to worry about God-Moding or people catching on to plot points too quickly just because my character said "Hey guys, maybe we should go do the thing?"
