Bad, Hilarious, Or Just Absurd Baby Names

So one of my big Interests is names. Given/first names, specifically. And because, to quote a friend of mine, "I like things that are bad," I'm especially interested in really...questionable ones. Not ones that are just unusual or what have you, but ones that are outright, well, ridiculous. (Personal-ish example: One of my best friends had an acquaintance in middle school named Calamity. That was this girl's actual name. Fucking CALAMITY. WHY.)

But some of the """best""" examples come from, of course, the internet.

This site is, as I mentioned in the Halloween thread, a veritable fucking goldmine of terrible name ideas. A few highlights, with some snarking courtesy of me:

• Xack (because the perfectly fine Zack just isn't creative enough)
• Tank
• Tool
• Gorgonzilla (I...I think they were joking here, at least)
• Coke (which they specify is "actually a name, not the soft drink," and which they're kind enough to not provide any alternate interpretations for beyond "baby name" and "soda")
• Calamity (that poor girl's parents were apparently not the only ones who thought this was a good idea)
• Battle (royale would be such a cute middle name!!!!!!!!11one)
• Edge
• Zipper (listed as a "unique" girl name, which...I guess they're not wrong?)
• Luna-Moon (personally, redundancy is my favorite name is redundancy, personally)
• Blooper (a cute name for a happy accident! uwu uwu uwu)
• Coolrunnin (?????????????????????????????????????)
• DeMerritt (??????????????????????????????????????????????????????)
• Cynnamon (remember, kids: spelling a word wrong makes it WAY COOLER)
• Payne (yes, I know it's a real surname at least, but...)
• Smokkey (see my note for Cynnamon. SPELLING IS FOR NERDS)

Just. So many weird names there alone.

Anyone else encounter any bizarre names in their travels?

(BONUS: This website lists Garnet as a "goth" name. Make of this what you will. Paging @jacktrash and also the entire SU fandom!)

 

who invited luna-moon

 

My fav worst name ever i heard was in the freakonomics book as a senior in high school and that is shithead (apparently pronouced shuh-teed). For a girl mind you.

 

Old ladies here all have names kinda like that http://unadocenade.com/una-docena-de-nombres-de-mujer-desconcertantes/

Eta:
Calamity is kind of a badass nickname tho xd
Editedit: maybe? In the calamity for her enemies sense??? Eh idk maybe not


http://telsonknife.tumblr.com/post/151065418569/we-are-the-monster-gems-i-did-some-doodles

 

my mom taught high school for a bunch of years. she once had a student named female, pronounced "feh-mah-lee", bc the girl's mom thought that when her baby came back in the hospital w a tag saying female jones (or whatever surname) it meant her daughter was so special the hospital named her for her.

 

I'm just gonna set up camp in this thread because I work in the awards industry and we do a lot of stuff for the local school districts and when it comes to names let me tell you internets we have seen some shit. And it seems like every year the worst of it comes from the richest, whitest district we service.

There are so many more but the worst ones I can think of off the top of my head are:

- the girl named Abcde. My boss and I just kind of went "????¿?¿" at each other for a while over that, because how pronounce!? So when the coach came to pick the order up my boss went "hey look I really have to ask--" and before she finished the coach just kind of nodded and sighed and went "yeah, that's actually her name, it's pronounced 'Absidy' and yeah, her middle initial is F"

- the boy named Stone. Which. Okay. That's unusual, but not really awful on its own. Except when paired with the particular last name the poor kid had, and all I'm gonna say about the last name is, it turns the first name from "kinda unusual but cool" to "dear god that's a porn name"

 

Try these.

 

My cousin is a teacher, and she told me about how her friend who worked in the juvenile court system ran into a kid whose full name was Iced Tea Baby Jesus Wilson. At first I thought she was just messing with me, but then I googled him and found someone talking about him on a forum. So yeah, that's the worst name I've ever heard.

 

My grandmother's birth name was Baby Girl, because her parents hadn't decided on a name by the time the docs had to be filled out, so Baby Girl was what was on her birth certificate.

In the Olden Days, that didn't matter much, so when her parents settled on Alice Kate, the birth certificate was never changed.

 

The worst name I've ever personally encountered is Kash Money - a (white, middle-class) former classmate of mine named one of his kids that.

 

Possibly the funniest baby name(s) I had relayed to me were from a friend who knew someone who had triplets...and had named them April, May, and June.

One of my childhood friends had the middle name 'Adorabella'. She hated it exactly as much as you'd expect.

And not a baby name, but I saw this absolutely kickass name on a gravestone in my old town and never forgot it because I loved it so much: Foster Blades. Foster Blades.

 

I dunno, I think that one's kind of neat sounding, plus easy to shorten it to Callie if necessary

 

WTF DID I JUST WATCH??? 0.O i cant... i cant

 

Am I to assume little Calamity's parents heard of Calamity Jane and failed to comprehend the concept of a nickname?

 

I no shit knew a girl back in high school whose name was Treasure Hunt.

 

COOLRUNNIN...

 

I am surprised that the people who do the people registry (I am englishing much good today, guys. It's a bi of overloading messing me up) even allow those names? Here it's in the actual law that they can refuse to register a child with a name that might expose them to ridicule later.

That said, my mom once had a patient named a bad portuguese'd spelling of John Lennon.

 

My mom works at a school library and there's some fun names there. One of the all-time favorites: Cetacea (i.e., a clade of large marine mammals).

 

Perhaps a bit unfortunately, name restrictions here are extremely lax. There have been instances where names have sparked controversy, but that's about it, AFAIK.

Also, @ChelG, I LOVE that one. :D