I was diagnosed with BPD on March 13 after suspecting it for the last couple of years. Last week I had an initial visit with a therapist. Everything went so well that I kept double-checking to see if it was too good to be true. My copay would only be $10 and we verified this over the phone w/ the insurance company with both myself and the therapist present so there could be no misunderstandings, and the office was nice and in town and I was going to see her every week. But the nagging "what's the catch?" voice didn't stop and sure enough, when I came home there was an email stating that ACTUALLY my insurance doesn't cover me at all and I retroactively owe $80 for the session I already had. Now my #1 reason for seeking therapy (this go-round at least) is that my paranoia is making it hella difficult to function and I can't trust anybody and I can't stop assuming that everyone's intentions are the very worst. So for them to pull a bait-and-switch on me like that is.... not so great for my trust issues, let's just say. I've reached out to a couple of other therapists whom I've double-triple-quadruple checked actually take my insurance (lol, watch them not) but no one's gotten back to me yet. In the meantime I feel like my thoughts are too scattered to even attempt any of the at-home DBT stuff you can do. I need help unscrambling everything before I can even get to that point.
TIL: the aching I feel when i’m reminded that I’m not part of any culture or affinity group(s) and have no cultural identities or labels that I can claim or relate to is commonly referred to as “emptiness” and it is a BPD symptom! Is it possible to uh, make that go away?
Emptiness -> insane jealousy toward people who have their lifestyles etc. considered "radical" and "revolutionary" or basically anybody who's special in any way at all -> more emptiness -> rinse, repeat
