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Cedar's Complaint Thread

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by chaoticArbiter, Sep 15, 2015.

  1. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    I don't know, tell me if it doesn't
    I just need a space to complain about how shitty BPD is and how much it makes me need a hug desperately but I will never allow myself that because we can't ask for things, that's manipulative! or something idk
    but basically I've been having really horrendous mood swings all day, like worse than usual
    and it's been going back and forth all day from "yay!" to "fuck" to "I'm so annoyed" to "I am pleased" to "wow I'd love to fucking die right now"
    and I don't know I'm just so confused and exhausted at this point
    does anyone have advice on managing mood swings maybe?

    edit: also fibro is kicking my butt today. there. I am done complaining.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2015
    • Like x 1
  2. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    I shall give you internet hugs, if you want them.
     
  3. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    yes please internet hugs are good
     
  4. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    :many internet hugs:
     
    • Like x 1
  5. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    c: thank you
    it helped a bit
     
    • Like x 1
  6. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    you are welcome :D
    I have no advice on mood swings, cause my solution to everything is "bottle it up then come scream on kintsugi or tumblr later."
     
  7. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    yeah...I dunno. I just wish I knew how to handle them besides self harm or bottling them up? I try my hardest not to complain about them and such, but on really bad days, processing so many intense emotions in such a short period of time can just be so exhausting, and not talking about them just makes it worse, and usually it ends up at "wow I'd like to be dead" and it kind of sucks. so I'm hoping there might be some other people around who have BPD or something who could give advice on that...might post it to Tumblr in a bit and see what people say.
     
  8. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    I'd say "find someone you can rant to" but I know that generally ends with "BUT THEN THEY'LL HATE ME" (hahaha gods I know that feel), so.
    There's a lot of BPD people, and @seebs isn't, but she gives super good advice on lots of things, so.
     
  9. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    hahaha yeah that usually ends with "no I can't do that then they'll hate me and go away forever" because fears of abandonment or alternately it goes down the path of "buT SHARING FEELINGS WITH PEOPLE I'M CLOSE TO IS -MANIPULATIVE-" because somehow I got that drilled into my brain?
    I thought there might be some other BPD people around here. and yeah, I've noticed seebs does give excellent advice. so maybe there'll be something she can say on this.
     
  10. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    yeeeeeeeeeeeeep. :hug:
    There a quite a few. I want to tell you names but I don't know if that's acceptable.
     
  11. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    :hugs:
    probably not. although is BPD anon one of them? just...a guess. because. BPD is in the name. of their username.
     
  12. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    :)
    Yes, she is XD She's def the most prominent of them.
     
  13. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    yeah, I noticed her pretty quickly. as for the others, maybe I'll meet them sooner or later :P
     
    • Like x 1
  14. BPD anon

    BPD anon Here I sit, broken hearted

    Have you considered that if you can bottle up your emotions you might not have BPD? Just today I let loose a bunch of screamed swear words because I couldn't return a thing to my college store without a receipt and there was no time to go home and grab the receipt before class. Then I screamed some more when my dad didn't answer the phone. If you are able to bottle up your emotions...
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2015
  15. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    Most likely! :3
     
  16. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    that would be a nice thing. I dunno why, but for me there's always something nice about meeting other people with BPD. I feel less alone, I guess?
     
    • Like x 1
  17. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    That makes sense! It's nice to feel less alone :)
     
    • Like x 1
  18. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    very much so. plus, sometimes people who've dealt with knowing they have BPD for longer than I have (which lately seems to be quite a few of the people I meet, given I've only known for about a month) have suggestions for how to manage symptoms. and that's always nice.
     
  19. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    'bottling up' typically means, for me, hanging on to it until I can express it via self destructive things. I'm very emotional, just...privately, for the most part, because I'm constantly terrified of hurting people with my feelings and so I hang on to them until I can scream and throw things and do whatever I please in a private space.
    and then people find out and get upset anyway, whoops.
    I've never been very successfully in really bottling up and pushing away emotions? they just kind of sit there and get worse until I do something about them, either hurting myself or hurting someone else or both.
     
  20. BPD anon

    BPD anon Here I sit, broken hearted

    Oh goodness I too am constantly terrified of hurting people with my emotions! But guess what! I can't bottle them up because I HAVE BPD. If you are able to successfully bottle them up, I don't think you have it.
     
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