I am?? vaguely annoyed with how often people correlate 'wanting sex/having a libido/having sex' with not being asexual? or how often they say that if you are asexual, you don't want sex/don't have a sex drive/have never had sex and never will? like, your sexual behavior and your libido or lack thereof has nothing to do with being asexual or not, I'm just....
true but the thing is she just thinks I might have it, she's not sure first we have to rule out the following: - is it my meds acting up? - is it from my depression? (unlikely if my meds aren't acting up but still) - do I have schizophrenia and is that what's causing my incredible fatigue? (because my psychiatrist read my email and now suspects schizophrenia, which is gr9) - do I have a sleep disorder? - do I have any other medical problems that might be causing this? and lord knows how long it's going to take to rule out all that. and then, if I do have CFS after all, then there's not even a medication that would help it that I'm not already on, and I already have counseling and it's not helping the fatigue. so then from there it would be reduce stress, improve sleep habits, and pace myself in terms of exercise. I already do the last one and my sleep habits are pretty much normal--no caffeine right before bed, go to bed at a reasonable hour now that school's back in session. which only leaves reduce stress. the only thing that causes me stress is my parents (which I can't talk about) and school. so either I'd have to try and move out, which I can't do because then I'd need a job and an explanation for my parents and I'd need a roommate and it would just add MORE stress, or I'd have to try and cut back a lot on my school. school is the only thing that adds structure and meaning to my life, though, and it's an escape from my parents. the work is what adds stress. so I'd lose structure and time away from another stressor, which would just end up making me more stressed, and I just don't know what to do but I'm looking too far ahead into the future all I have to deal with right now is constant doctor visits which I'm sure will be buckets of fun
Oh man that sounds sucky indeed D: *hugs* If you're "lucky" (in quotation marks bc seriously its weird to phrase it like that) maybe it is just a meds thing and you can fix it easily?
thank for hug that's....honestly what I'm hoping for. it would be SO much easier if it was a meds thing, or even a freaking schizophrenia or depression thing, because then I could just adjust my meds until they do the right thing/fix the problem and continue with school and stuff.
two of my partners went back to school today and they posted pictures online of the moving back in day and it looks fun and like bonding time and I am upset because obviously if they're bonding with people who aren't me and having fun without me then they no longer need me or want to be with me I want to cry I hate this I wish I went to the same school as one of them so I wouldn't feel so left out and depressed and alone
You can always spend time at school even if you cut down your courseload. My classes today were done at 11:30 am; I could go home, but instead I set up a regular gym session (because it keeps me consistent), and I was going to try and learn fencing but the group meets when I have a class. Doesn't have to be gym stuff, it could just be doing homework in the library or maybe seeing if there's an LGBT+ group? Some of the faculties on my campus even have tutorial sessions, or open special interest lectures. Basically if you feel you need to justify not being at home if you're not in class, there's plenty of parent-acceptable reasons on your typical campus. (Probably not the LGBT+ one, with your parents, but you get the gist.)
that is actually a super good point I could be like "I am getting involved with club activities and/or doing homework" and they would totally accept that thank you for this input :D
me: my mother has done emotionally abusive things, like the time she threatened to kick me out of the house and make me homeless, or the many comments on my weight, or the comments about "watching my figure", or the comments about how difficult it is to have a trans child, or the comments about how my relationships won't work out, or the way she literally won't let me get a better therapist, or the way she told me that if I ever got a C I'd be average for the rest of my life, or the way she didn't believe me about my sexual assault and told me it couldn't have happened, or the way she yells at me over eating certain things, or the way she says hurtful things or makes promises and then later says she didn't say those hurtful things or make that promise, or the way she guilt trips me when I try to bring up legitimate issues my mother: NO I HAVEN'T, I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING OF THOSE THINGS! family therapist: even if she has, those things came from a place of love and caring, not intent to harm! this means they were not abusive. also, she loves you! that makes it all okay. and everything you just said is completely something I endorse doing! me: ....
bluhs into the thread for the second time today I talked to my psychiatrist she's worried about my psychotic symptoms getting worse and all which is fair but she wants me to go to the hospital for a bit and I'm like nah not that anything but that I can't miss school for one thing for another I hate the fucking hospital but I don't know how to explain this to her
gaaaaah I don't know what to do I don't want to tell her I made it up, because for one thing I didn't and for another that just means the symptoms will get worse and worse and shit will go downhill but I refuse to go to the hospital, even for a partial program I cannot miss school
witnessed. i'm sorry this sounds horribly stressful. i wouldn't recommend lying to the psych, but i would hope that she would listen to 'to take time off from school would stress me out more than help me'? (sry if this isn't much help)
I hope she will, but in the past she hasn't, so I'm kind of worried. and it's all right! any and all help is welcome (:
Is there any kind of important project you can point at that would 100% definitly mean that you missing school would impact other people as well? I know I finished a hospital stay for suspected appendicitis early once because I had a fucking choir concert I had to perform in and the doctor basically shrugged and went 'we would really like to keep you for observation even though it's probably nothing serious but wtf if it's that important to you?'
