Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Everett, Mar 16, 2016.
im Stress but doing ok
i hate procrastination keeping me awake so late but i also dont like doing work and i havent died yet so i keep procrastinating
im finally in bed now im procrastinating testing my blood sugar
fuck diabetes for making me do an effort
this post blanked because i dont want it up but dont feel like asking for deletion
feelin sad i guess shrug
can i talk aboit uhhh having a shit time at work
Bad adhd coping skills == monday night meetings are hell and i am barely chipping away at the work
I hqve to fucking flip my schedule for ONE day a week. Im tired. When thw fuck do i tqke my concerta if my work day starts between 9 and 12 hours later than usual, depending on what day youre comparing it to
Ivw been going with either the morning or like noon. Anyway
All of those posts that are like "doing your best doesnt mean working yourself sick/never taking a break" and im like!!!!!! i extremely dont believe that! Do your best means be perfect and if you mess up youre fucked. You cant go home early unless you are sick. Youre letting other people down and you shouldnt Need to stay late to get the work done but if yoi have to you Have to
I will do..............the thing i was straight up told to do, this other thing which is simple, and this third thing. And i will leave.
The rest is important but you fuckijg know what? On mondays when these meetings happen I am fucking scheduled to work from 5:30pm to whenever im done. On tuesdays i am scheduled to work from 9am to 5pm. Please figure out when i sleep. I figure its going to be 3am-7am. I fucking hate this and the shit thijg is SOMEONE has to do it! I cant pass this off to someone else!
I used to work thurs-mon instead of fri-tues but it was decided this would be better. So i at least used to be able to just crash after these. Now i have to drag myself in and try to be useful on tuesdays
""""Tomorrow"""" aka Later Today is going to suck because i will have leftover work AND ive left a big project until the last day i can do it. I have the materials and info i need but i gotta assemble it
I need to get back to work. I had a coffee this afternoon, a matcha latte at the start of my shift, and i made myself an iced coffee earlier. I took like one sip and my heart feels like garbage. This isnt even helping me and it never does it just makes me unable to fall asleep once i go to bed
And one more thing lmao
Someone in the same line of work posted about how its really demanding but worth it if you love it or whatever and im like
No i am not #passionate i dont #love this job or this industry
I lived and now i sleep
The whole narrative about how you have to love your job to be good at it and your success is tied up with how you're expected to go above and beyond or you don't succeed is really fucking damaging
And a load of bollocks
Witnessed all of the above and you can always bend my ear if you need to vent
not a big upset but my brother's personal hygiene is kinda lacking?
He smells today and got annoyed when mom and i suggested he take a shower (eta i guess he often says he "just" took one which could mean a couple days ago idk) (i mean id get offended too but my guy walked like several kilometres today and needs to be clean)
also fucken uhhhh i went to use the bathroom in the hotel room and there was some pee on the underside of the toilet lid and some drops beside the toilet
i pointed it out to mom so shes presumably talked to him about leaving the bathroom in a better state for other people
they definitely taught him to sit when he was learning how 2 toilet, and i swan to jon i am not up to dealing with people who are too proud or w/e to sit to piss
both of us are autistic so im giving him some slack but not like infinite slack
There are certain things where im like should i wade into this? Probably not, idk how to help so id probably make it worse somehow
Send large good thoughts because
Dad has pneumonia
I have to go to the clinic tomorrow afternoon to hopefully confirm that i Dont have pneumonia, bc if so my out of country health insurance says "fucj oyu" (sic) which means i basically cant go to mtn goats
Keep in mind this info will be coming the afternoon before were supposed to leave so thats cutting it v close.the clinic opens at 4pm so i have to camp out there at like 3 or w/e to be Early
Mom has to get her vehicles bumper repainted bc she backed into a pole
things are continually happening and i dont want to deal with them
Also i go back to work on victoria day, because i am the weekend binch and im not allowed to have holidays except christmas (eta:i get them afterward that same week, usually 1 or 2 days later, but its not the same and nobody wants to get together for whatever holiday once the holiday is officially over)
By allowed i mean they are paying me and technically i could say "fuck you im taking this as a vacation day" but yeah
Ive ranted about it already
It just makes me resent everyone who gets stat holidays off, because im the ONLY one in the office who has to work them, excrept sometimes theres like one other person. So its not even like i have buddies who are on the weekend and holidays shift with me (there are 2-3 weekend people but they generally get stats off)
Anyway! I have problems that i am avoiding and im beating myself up about various things and i'm sorry i never do anything here except scream into the void
I hate writing and i dont want to ask my boss for input because i dont want to look like im incapable of doing anything on my own (i said i dont know what to do and he asked me what it was about and i just said uhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
i want to go back to bed
I need to go to counselling again but i feel like i dont Actually need to? Or i dont uhhhhhhh deserve to??? Because i dont ever work on things to fix them so what's even the point?
She did say i could come back if the adhd occupational therapy people don't deal with stuff like uhhh negative thinking probably
Im also Not Allowed to ask for help or actually talk to people about like big problems and if i do its Bad
Because uhhhh train noises but also ?????????
Like i dont post in the I Need Support thread because ????????? that would require me to not just flip out at whoever actually tries to engage? I'd be like "hm actually everything Is 100% Awful sorry bye"
Also big shout out to my coworker for being a fucker, by which i mean he regains HP by making other people frustrated with him
I went to the kitchen and was going to reheat my tea, then he starts the single cup coffee maker so i just stand there waiting
He asks and i explain its because in the past, using both at oncr has flipped the breaker and he's like " ;P whats the worst that could happen" and tried to start the microwave but i blocked his hand
And then when he got back to the work area it came up that the computer he was logging into had the monitor off. I sometimes turn it off when nobody is expected to use it for the rest of the day (but this time it wasnt me) and he was like "is that like the breaker thing"
And i was like.........that doesnt even make sense, i just dont want to flip the breaker because its disruptive and then i have to go find someone in the office to fix it.
And he kinda needled some more and i just said "i'm having a bad day, i'm not participating" and he stopped but was still seeming like this was a big joke to him
Fuck all the way off, you are 20 years older than me, grow up at some point
Last post turned out to be because of pre-period Brain Raccoons
Current post is because of shitty transphobic content at a pride trivia event i went to with my friends, who are also pissed about it
The questions were written by the guy who usually does that bar's trivia nights, but this was an official Pride Event, they just didnt bother to vet his questions. So there was shitty language and questions about transphobic movies and uhhhhhh it sucked? Except we had nachos, those were good.
We have all let pride organizers know that we are pissed and that we expect them to do better
ive procrastinated on the latest stupid assignment
I still fucking hate this part of my job and i need to find some other industry to work in
also i am trying to fix my morning routine
Also also i am so bad at this part of my work that my boss is going to send my coworker, who used to do this, with me once shes back from vacation to like see what im doing and give me some tips
I feel bad becauase like, she shouldnt have to take time to do that
Also im super procrastinating tonight but i have to just say "fuck it" and do a halfassed job and go home. This shift fucks up my sleep schedule and im always dead on tuesdays because i stay so late here being dumb and not writing
It me trying to share things with people and then going "oh no they think it sucks and im Spending Too Much Time talking about this aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
Or oh hey me in high school where i would look at stuff i did and said while completely sober and be like, "why am i the worst and insufferable àaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why did i say that, it wasn't funny"
writing sucks and i'm mad about it
time 2 self sabotagre by getting mad about everything and procrastinating because i'm intimidated by the amount of stuff i have to sift through to write this
I have 1 draft out of 3 written up, then like some notes for the other 3 things i need to do and i have to be up for work in 5.5 hours. I hate this fucking shift and also myself yee haw
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