Not sure if this is the right place to post this so let me know if it's not I guess. So recently I signed up to receive counselling because I'm sick of feeling like everything is pointless especially me existing, and feeling completely petrified about interacting with people. In the guy's defence it's only been two sessions and this week I was mostly not able to do verbal responses past one word replies but I just feel like something's not right? I'm not really sure what I should be expecting though and I'm pretty sure a lot of it's my fault for not being a great communicator. Specific things are under the cut because it seems long Spoiler So he's really latched onto the idea that because I'm the eldest of many and am able to organise and look after children I must be excessively assertive at home (I live away from home most of the year for uni). Like he said that I was able to express negative emotions like anger because there were children around at home that I could take it out on. I shut that down pretty quick and also said that no I don't have to talk much at home because other people like to talk enough and are familiar with how I communicate so I don't have to say much. But he continually brings this up as proof that this is my main issue that I'm assertive at home but not in society (which is especially a problem as a young Italian woman apparently) When I couldn't do words today his assessment was that I just didn't have enough conversations with people. He has this whole thing that social anxiety is just not being socially fit so the solution is to magically do it more??? I also thought I'd communicated that I have friends and people I talk to and that I stopped taking the bus to avoid saying the required three words. Maybe it's fair because I really am not good at keeping a conversation going because how am I meant to know what to say to keep small talk going but idk it's just an unsatisfying answer. Lastly, and truth be told the thing that's bugging me the most, he has this really weird thing about race/ethncity. Like I'm mixed Italian/Chinese/other and he was like "so which are you going to pick?" and I was like ??? and when I asked for clarification he was like "in the future which are you going to pick to have a relationship with?" and he continued going on about how I "dress like a European"??? I was wearing jeans and a Tshirt??? At which point I just stopped talking altogether and just focused on not having a meltdown. I think he asked me some other stuff so he then decided that I was just tired and made me another appointment for next week.
That doesn't sound like a good counsellor. At the very least, he and you aren't a good fit. Can you switch who you're seeing? That's really common, a lot of times people will switch therapists several times before finding someone that works for them.
I agree, I think you should try and get another cousellor. especially the picking which one you have a relationship with, and insisting on stuff in your family that just isn´t how it is when you told him is rather .
The lack of cultural competency is a bad sign independent of anything else. Is this a practice with more than one counselor? If so you could try switching to someone else in the practice which might be slightly quicker than switching to a completely new therapist or agency.
Yeah, this guy sounds like one of those therapists who basically forms his own mental image of who he's dealing with right at the start, and then responds to any new or even contradictory input from you by trying to fit it into that mental image rather than seriously listening to what you're telling him about your own life. That is never a good sign, and honestly some of the specific things you've shared about him are weird enough in their own right (telling you you'll have to "pick a side" with your ethnicity?? and what the hell kind of counselor thinks social anxiety is caused by a lack of social interaction?) that my strong reaction is that this guy is just bad news and you'd be better off not even trying to deal with him. (Especially if you have any other options for counseling available that you could potentially look into instead of wasting your time with him—but honestly, even if you don't, unless he's actually providing some kind of genuine help to you in between the WTFery you are probably still better off not seeing him than seeing him.) That said, if you do still want to give it a bit more of a try than two sessions, there's nothing necessarily wrong with that provided it really is what you want to do. I mean, I wouldn't make yourself spend more time with this guy if it's seriously making you uncomfortable to do so solely because you feel you should "give him more of a chance"—you're not obligated to spend time doing something that hurts you just because it feels like the "responsible" thing to do. But if you do want to try and see if there's any chance this will work out, I think the best thing to do would be to bring some of these issues up with him directly to see whether or not he's open to listening. (I know that's probably a pretty difficult thing to do if you're already having trouble just talking to him at all, but I don't think there's really any way to address a problem like this except by raising it directly. Preparing a script or notes beforehand to bring with you or just giving him a written message instead of trying to say it out loud are totally valid options, if that's easier.) If he's willing to genuinely listen to what you're saying and expresses an actual desire to work with you on making your sessions something will that actually help you, then maybe there's something salvageable there, and you can decide from there if you think he's worth bothering with; but if he tries to dismiss your concerns, argue their validity, or just take them as more "evidence" of his existing theories, that's an immediate sign to stop trying, because it means he does not consider the actual problems you're coming to him for help with to be his first priority, and that defeats the entire purpose of seeing a counselor in the first place.
I'm going to go in tomorrow and see if I'm able to switch who I'm seeing and if not I'll look at going somewhere else. I'm glad to hear that this isn't how it's meant to go and that it's acceptable to change person so thanks everyone for the second opinions :)
