Okay, to make a long story short, I have a crush on someone and decently strong feelings toward them. I need to make these feelings stop. What do I do?
depends. if it's an irl thing: how much time do you spend in proximity to them? are you physically touchy with them? are they in a relationship? etc if it's an online thing: how often do you talk to them? are you unusually vulnerable/emotionally open with them compared to other people (applies to irl too honestly)? what's the longer story?
It's an online thing. I talk to them several times a day. I have a very small circle of friends and people who actually talk to me, so I talk to those people frequently. And I am usually more open emotionally than not, but unless I'm feeling in threatened that's kind of the norm for me. The longer story is I met them a few weeks ago and we started talking about fandom stuff, switching from one topic to the next and trading jokes back and forth. We both live in the same state and are gonna be going to a con in October and talked about meeting up to hang out. We've also talked about emotional issues and family problems, that sort of thing. They are just. Such a dork. And it's so endearing. And they're also incredibly cute. And I fell for them, very quickly, just like I always do. But they don't like me the same way. We decided that's okay, we like talking to each other so let's set that aside and be friends. And that's been doing fine for the most part! But then last night they started talking about someone they DO have some interest in, and it hurt, and that conversation segwayed into talking about their ex, who they still have feelings for, and I decided this is enough and it's time for me to get over this crush. I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to get hurt. So what do I do?
Usually the only way I get over crushes is by accepting that it's a complete non-prospect and through that hopefully letting the crush fade over a period of several weeks/months. As far as I can tell there's no easy way to banish romantic feelings. If you discover one then please post it in the thread! But afaik you have to go in for the long haul. This is why crushes suck, broadly.
Spoiler: Ren this might freak you out, so proceed with caution, although you can of course talk to me about it witnessed, dude, although unfortunately I've got no advice for you. personally I got a crush on somebody in March or so of 2015, which ramped up sharply when I started seeing them a lot in September, and probably hit the actually in love point November-ish. I asked them if they wanted to date in January, they said no, and I backed off. so I didn't act on my feelings, but there was no way to get rid of 'em. I'm still in love. sucks, but yeah, there's nothing you can do. hopefully my feelings will fade at some point, but so far the fact that they're not actionable doesn't seem to have made a difference. :/
Okay so I thought I was getting over this but no, a post by their roommate just triggered a knee-jerk reaction that got me kind of upset so apparently im not. I can't keep doing this, they hate my guts, I have no right to have feelings for them. Help??
Honestly, either ask them out or drop it. If there's a reason you can't ask them out beyond a lack of confidence then it will never work. Find someone you can actually get with and get with them.
I can't ask them out because their life is going to hell in a hand basket and they hate my guts. That's already resolved. The thing i need help with is the getting over them part.
There's only one remedy for it, really, and that's time. It sucks, and it's cliché, but it's the truth.
yeah. time is the great healer. im currently in the "getting over" part of being in love with someone and it's been... idk maybe 6 months? of no contact and i finally feel sorta okay about it. idk.
Stress from the day is causing me to overreact to shit. One of my friends has two dates this weekend. Last week, she had two dates on the same day. I haven't had a date since June. Why am I so incompetent at romantic things? What am I doing wrong?
cant tell you that but i can tell you not being asked out doesnt make you romantically incompetent. id be willing to bet it has more to do with your circumstances than with your person.
