Depressive friend think romance will help him

How do you deal with a friend who's super depressed, but has already decided that the solution is for someone to be in a romantic relationship with them? Otherwise, they're not really loved, and no, friendship isn't enough, I deserve to die because I'm a horrible asshole, asking you guys for what you can't give (romantic relationship), but I refuse to consider the idea of any form of treatment for the depression, and will depression-sulk if you say that.

And that's what it's like when he goes depressed. He's so depression-angry, but no one can say anything to help, and he refuses to do anything to help himself, and then he's like "No one loves me because they didn't notice I was awake while they were cooking." and it's just! Frustrating! Because of course we care about him! But when we say so, he just huffs and says it's not the kind of caring that will make him feel better. And I promise he isn't just faking depression as a bid for a relationship, but it's like his brain has entirely zero'd in on "I do not have a romantic relationship right now. Therefore that is why I'm depressed." And like....maybe a bit, but I'm pretty sure that even if he did have a romantic relationship, he'd still feel bad, and he needs to actually do some shit to take care of himself, and he won't! Because at 20, he's decided he's tried everything, and nothing will work.

And like....I could deal with any of these attitudes separately, but he combines horribly depressed with arrogantly certain he's right, but also miserable, and needing help, but slapping any offered hands because they're not the hand he wants, that it's so stupid!!!!!!

And I was fucked up depressed for longer than he's been alive before I got treatment, but according to him I need to kindly shut the fuck up, which is what I was doing, but he keeps seeking help/advice from me and other roomie, then being mad when it's not the help he wants...... And just.....I don't know what to fucking do.....

It's extra complicated, because I monetarily depend on him, he came and pulled me out of a abusive situation, and supports me currently, and like....all his shit makes my ptsd shit go nuts, feeling like I have to fix it or he might abandon me, and just....aghhhh!!!!! *pulling on hair, has been dealing with this for a couple months now*

Please send help.....

 

that's really, really hard. dealing with someone who's in so deep they won't even look for a way out is miserable and exhausting on its own, but it makes it worse that you're kind of stuck with him.

i think the course of action would probably be to remind him that he told you he doesn't want your help, and if that really is the case, you're setting a boundary that he not keep asking you for help, because you can't give him what he wants or needs.

there are a lot of arguments against looking for a relationship when you're not mentally healthy, especially when you think that it'll fix you, and i'm sure you tried, but if he's not prepared to listen i think the only way to avoid frustration for both of you is to ask that he not bring it up.

i'm sorry you're going through this. i hope he gets better, for both of your sakes.

 

That sounds honestly right, kind of holding a boundary that can be a shield when he's in a woe is me mood.

We've also been letting the moirail know too, because they're far away, and with this friend being so biased right now, moirail can't actually give good advice if they're getting a very biased viewpoint of things from the friend. And this seems to have helped a bit, as friend has seemed less moody and angsty? Just. Crossing my fingers, and thank you for replying.

 

Yeah I've been where your friend's at and honestly the best thing you can do for yourself is to uphold that boundary. I'm sure he'll eventually get it, but you can't keep banging your head against the brick wall. He's also just gonna upset himself more by asking for help he knows he's not gonna get.