Okay, doing this here I guess because there's a fucktonne of stuff I'm not comfortable about going into detail with when venting on tumblr, because I don't want to bother my datemate with this any more than I do*, and because I guess it might be nice to talk to people who are dealing with similar things. This thread isn't going to be wholly a vent thread, if you're reading it then you're welcome to chip in with opinions and ideas and feedback and anything, but I do intend for it to mostly be some personal introspection of whatever the heck is going on in my head and in my life, so forgive me if I don't always reply. Also, yes, I know that dis-motivation isn't a real word, but hush, it sounds cool as a title. *I don't necessarily mean 'bother' in the negative way of 'I don't want to be a burden' (though there is still a thorn of anxiety/depression that's insisting that), it's more just... It's hard to talk with them about some of this stuff because it's going around my head 24/7 and I don't want my irritation at my brain and body to eclipse the rest of our life together.