Don't meet academic standards, don't know how to get a job, please help

I had a horrible semester last fall/winter. I got kicked from a public speaking class because I am a fucking idiot (freaked out about making an intro speech, didn't go for 2 fucking weeks), and I did shitty in most of my other classes (I got a B in the english class out of pity, I have been too scared to check the grades for the other classes.) I only have three classes I need to take before I can transfer to a university (I took and failed stats twice before someone told me about the math for non math majors class, I need to fill that communication credit, and some sort of self improvement class), and I am 6 units away from being out of federal financial aid I can use in community college. I was so stressed out during the semester that I never registered for classes, and then after classes finished I freaked out because I was sure that the classes I need wouldn't be available anymore, and now here I am, without any classes, and I've been avoiding this all so much that I only just went onto the student services today, where there was a message saying that I didn't meet the academic standards so I can't use any financial aid, meaning that classes will be 500 dollars each instead of 10 for all of them. Classes start tomorrow. I haven't told my parents because my mom has been so stressed and my dad has been angry and depressed and I didn't want them to yell at me, expect now it'll be 10000 times worse?

There is an appeals process for the standards thing, but I have no clue how to do that and it doesn't matter, since the semester starts tomorrow. My parents would be ok with me taking a semester off (they know I was having a breakdown all last semester) if I get a job.

I don't know how I could have a job. I don't know a) who would look at my resume, which has fucking nothing, and go "sure bring that bitch in for an interview" b) who would speak to me face to face, where I get extremely anxious and stutter and talk too loudly and don't understand what other people are saying, and go "welcome to the team" c) how I could do anything right. I don't do anything right. I move slowly and I ask too many questions and I have to ask the same question over and over again, I am clumsy, I am fat and ugly and terrible with people and extremely out of shape, and I can't do anything without crying. I know this all sounds like I am making excuses and I probably am, but these are all things I have observed to be true about myself. I don't have any skills or talents I can try to use to make money with (or, like, any at all), I am a terrible worker and I am terrible with people, and I don't know what I can do, but I have to do something, because my family is super poor and I can't just be a drain on them without doing anything. I really really don't want to be as useless as I am.

Is there anything I can do to drastically improve myself as a person, really really quickly? Does anyone know what I should do to navigate the school situation? Please help me.

 

So I finally got the courage to look it up and
My GPA is above 3.1
I actually passed all the classes except the one I withdrew from
But because the state is imposing new restrictions on how long students can be in community colleges, I have taken too long to get out
Fuck me and fuck my terrible decision making skills

 

Witnessed, and that's a fucked up regulation, but I'm glad that your grades were good enough.
I think in this case the best thing to do is to set up an appointment with the dean of students or the closest-sounding dean if there isn't one of that exact title, and explain that you are only a very few classes away from being able to transfer to a university, and petition for an override of the standards on that basis. They should at least be able to walk you through the petition process or point you where you need to go.

In the meantime, reaffirming that this is a result of the illnesses of depression and anxiety you are dealing with, it is not a moral failure on your part, and it certainly isn't a personal failing of you as a person.

 

Probably tell the dean that the reason it took so long was due to illness, too. That might help.

 

Does your college have a student disability services department? Some do, some don't, but if they do have one then they'll probably cover mental illness too, so they'd be good to ask for help with this.

 

Ok so there is an appeals process. I have to fill out a form, write a letter of explanation, and attend a class that no fucking doubt will be guiltrippy as heck, so weeee. I think I'll have to appeal for the fall semester, though, because it'll take a while for this all to happen and I can't pay for classes upfront.

QuQ thank you I need to hear this

My school does have a DSPS that I got signed up with last semester because finally a teacher sent me there when I had a meltdown. Since I only started going last semester I think I should have a good chance going "see, I am documented as having these illnesses, they were untreated until very recently, so I took longer because of the effects of this." Which is absolutely true- the reason I've taken so long is all directly anxiety related.

Thank you all

 

Its good that you can probably appeal for the fall! In the meantime, if you -do- want to attempt a job, there are plenty of places that dont require a premade resume, just for you to fill out a thing online. Places like target and petsmart(but not petco) are two i can think of off the top of my head, but there are many others. The next step after this is an irl interview, but tbh it's way more chill than you'd think? Usually they just like confirm a few of the things you said online, and ask you a few stock questions like "what was a time you had to teach someone and how did you go about it?" And your answers can be from anything like "one time i taught my sister how to drive. I helped her learn by doing x, y, and z."

That all said, it's absolutely valid if you wanna take your time off school to focus on recovery or learning something fun, or anything else.

 

I don't have much in the way of advice because what even is the US, but witnessed.

 

I...I am really not sure if I could work any kind of retail, because from what I hear you have to wear makeup and makeup wigs out my sensory shit absolutely, and also you get fired if you cry or having a panic attack and I have cried or had a panic attack in every class I have taken and basically at least once a week and I don't know how to change this about myself.

I....I can agree with the recovery thing in the abstract as in if it was someone else I would agree they can just take time off but it's really not viable. My family has partly been relying on my financial aid to get rent paid at points, I can't just sit around and not contribute anything. If I learned to sew I could be my mom's assistant but dad is already so angry at her job that I think he would flip out if we both were doing it.

Thank you so much for the advice though, I really appreciate it.

ouo thank you bird

 

fwiw ive never heard of mandatory makeup for retail workers? especially at places like petsmart :O

 

Retail anecdata: I work at Target and have never experienced any pressure to wear makeup! If social interactions are the likely triggers for crying/panic attacks, there are non-customer-facing roles (I think the easiest one of those to get at Target would probably be a position on the flow team, which does early-morning stocking, but that's not the only option, and I'm sure most other stores have similar stuff).

 

Flow team also nets you free randomish products, or at least my friends' flow-team mother keeps getting random free food etc.

Last time I visited, they had an enormous box of full-sized chocolate bars, because she kept getting free chocolate.

 

It's interactions with the other employees, too, as well as just. I move slow, and I am a ditz, and the idea of having to be On for hours at a time is just. I don't know how anybody does it. It isn't like "oh I need to check the internet every 20 minutes" its I don't know how to be engaged with the world for that long at a time without having sometime where I am just shut off and I know this is all stupid excuses but I really don't know how people do it.

 

I know you were talking about depression and anxiety, but have you ever been tested for ADHD? Because this is sounding very 'me before I got diagnosed and started medication'.

 

I haven't. When I was in sixth grade my teacher told my parents outright I don't have it and I...I kinda think I might? I read symptom lists online and I identify with a lot of them but I do the same thing w/ symptoms of autism and that is also a big question mark so I have no idea.

 

Was your sixth grade teacher any kind of medical professional? Because it's entirely possible that they were wrong, and I'd recommend seeing if you can get an actual doctor to assess you.

...Also, what context was that even in? Had anybody actually asked about your neurotype, or is that just how they said hello to everyone at parent-teacher night? "Hi, Mrs. Johnson. Gregory doesn't have ADHD." "Uh, okay, nice to meet you too."

 

So I asked them and apparently neither of them remember the conversation but I remember them telling me about it when I was in high school as one of their reasons I didn't need help. Dad says he is pretty sure I don't have it because "when I think of it I think of the hyperactive part and that's not you and you can focus on things you like, anyway." I...I'm not really sure if that's true or not I lack the ability to self analyze like that.

(Thank you so much for all of this)

 

I was passed over for an ADHD diagnosis as a teenager but got one at age 25, just as anecdata. Also, you don't have to be hyperactive, inattentive-type ADHD is a thing. If this was a while ago that they turned down the possibility, there's been a lot of research and new info since then. Might be worth looking into.

Also in my case, i didn't present hyperactive because my anxiety masked it for a very long time. "Hyperactive" doesn't have to mean "runs around screaming all the time and has too much energy", it can involve things like poor impulse control and being easily distracted.

 

Also "you can focus on things you like, therefore you don't have attention problems" is a bullshit thing said by people who don't actually understand adhd. Hyperfocus is a thing especially when it cohabitates with autism spectrum symptoms, and while yes "I can't focus on ANYTHING" is a problem, "I can only focus on things I enjoy doing" is equally a problem because there's very few things in the world that allow you to survive doing only what you like.

 

Absolutely this, that was my presentation to a T.

Also, thought exercise?

How many of the things you enjoy doing and can focus on are things where you aren't inherently required to keep your focus constant, and can fade in and out at your leisure? (For example, reading is something you do at your own pace, no one notices or objects if you put the book down and zone out for a bit before getting to the next paragraph, whereas playing tennis with someone involves consistently paying attention to the game.)

Now, think back and ask yourself, how many things did you originally enjoy doing but drop as a hobby after a relatively short time because they did actually require constant focus?