dumb medical shit (mostly venting)

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Re Allyssa, Jul 1, 2015.

  1. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    So I went to the doctor, got confirmation that I have pcos, which I've been thinking for a few years now, and now am working on treating that, so that's cool.

    But I also found out I might be/probably am pre-diabetic?

    And like now I'm low key freaking out. Because whoo-hoo confirmation that I'm fat and that it's actually affecting my health so I don't have that excuse anymore. And it almost makes me feel like shit because I feel like now it's my fault that I'm sick? Because I don't eat right or exercise and shit. And like it sucks because I know I need to and everyone's on me about it but I just don't WANT to.

    I have a hard time with exercise because it's so guilt laden and then plus depression it's just so shitty. And everyone's like "oh exercise helps with depression" and I'm like, thanks I fucking know that, but before it can help, it makes it worse, so no thank you??? Like I want to get back into swimming because that's exercise I enjoy and doesn't hurt me the way running does and it's just all around great. But there's just so much EFFORT that I'll have to put in before I can even get into the water and that just weighs me down until I can't do it.

    And then with dieting... I'm afraid to diet because I'm scared of developing an unhealthy relationship with food and I'm already getting anxious about everything I'm eating and I liked not caring and not worrying because it was safe and now it's just one more thing to be anxious and like obsess over and I can't.

    To top this all off, my mom's really depressed because she's really sick and they can't seem to figure out what's wrong with her exactly, just that she has a really bad iron deficiency and I think like low blood in general? But it makes her tired and dizzy and groggy all the time. And she's the same as me wrt weight (tho she hasn't had bad blood sugar levels), but because she's sick, she CAN'T actually get up an exercise. And like now she feels anxious and guilty about this too and we can't help each other because we're just pulling each other down (yes I know, pretty co-dep but eh). And so yeah I can't really look to her to be supportive rn because I don't want her to feel worse than she does.

    And mostly it's just the feeling like shit because 'I did this to myself' or something. like it's probably not even that bad and I'm overreacting, but it's like the dread of having to change my routines and stuff. I think? I don't really know.

    We are gonna try to exercise more and maybe between the two of us we'll actually get off our butts and do it? but who knows.

    This all feels really dumb to post, but I'ma do it anyway. Sorry?
  2. chippit

    chippit New Member

    Ugh, that's really rough. I have the same kinda issues with exercise - swimming is great but you have to go out to a specific place to do it, and have appropriate clothes, which means getting appropriate clothes and it all just adds up to way too hard.

    The food thing is tricky from all angles, and I wish you luck with it :c
    • Like x 1
  3. hoarmurath

    hoarmurath Thor's Hammer


    Exercise and eating often get stuck because of other reasons, and we feel bad, but the truth is, even not-depressed and able people struggle with them. People get into something super heavily and then it tapers off again, over and over. It also seems that maybe the things you need aren't food regulation and exercise, at the moment.

    How your family experiences these things also counts for a lot. I am also afraid to control my food too much, because I do not want to become like my mother (years of dieting have messed up her insides to a point where she can't even really drink black tea anymore without her body acting up).

    *more hugs*
    • Like x 1
  4. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    @Re Allyssa Unfortunately PCOS and pre-diabeticness (that's totally a word, right? :P) have a tendency to go together. If you want to have a look into a diet that shouldn't mess up your relationship with food too badly, have a look at a low glycemic index diet. (http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/spotlight-low-gi)

    I know all about having a messed up relationship with food, and also about it being so much bother to exercise :( I hope everything works out the way you want it to :)
    • Like x 1
  5. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Thanks for the hugs and comfort all :)

    @Emma ooh, thanks for the link, I'll look at it
  6. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    *grump whine grump* I had to get blood drawn three times today and my veins are shit so it was an adventure every time. *SIGH*
  7. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    Yeah, blood draws can be fun like that :P I do blood donations, and they always have trouble finding a vein big enough to poke the needle in.
  8. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    update: test results back. I definitely have high glucose and insulin. =/ =/ =/
    i have an appt on the 17th to go over the results and such, so we'll see what happens then.

  9. Astrodynamicist

    Astrodynamicist Adequate Potato Goblin

    :( *hugs* good luck!
    • Like x 1
  10. Aniseed

    Aniseed Well-Known Member

    I'm kind of in a similar boat. I will say at least for me that going on a diet where I tracked my foods and calorie intake was a very very bad idea.. it can be really hard to not obsess over and hyper control your food intake. I was essentially making a game out of how low I could get my calories in a day and was eating about 700-800, which isn't at all healthy. And while I certainly lost weight, I also got a really bad rash because my carb intake was way too low.

    One thing you could try in order to avoid all the tracking and obsessing and also to just start out slowly with a new diet is to just start eating less of what you normally eat. Making small changes into habits, it adds up a lot. I'm not sure what your dietary habits currently are, but for me, this is what I've kind of been trying. If it's something I make at home and I'd normally go back for seconds, I just don't. If it's something like tacos where I eat a few, I try to eat one or two less than I normally would have. If you regularly eat fast food and get double cheeseburgers or something, get the single cheeseburger for a while, then swap to something a bit less calorie heavy like nuggets. Try to go out to eat less often in general if you can manage that, but if you can't, just try to go for options that are 'healthier', and have more vegetables, more white meat instead of red meat, less add ons like extra cheeses. Even going for something like Subway over McDonalds is a decent enough calorie reduction, because their stuff isn't so greasy and you can get more vegetables. If you drink soda or sugary juice, jump ship from regular sodas/juices to diet sodas/juices, and gradually work more water drinking into your day until you can wean yourself off soda all together. Swap out some foods you eat for new ones to try that you know will be healthier. Try to think of this as a sort of fun exploratory exercise if you can.

    Also one thing that is always daunting about diets is that most good for you foods just don't taste good, but that isn't entirely true. Always try to keep in mind that there are many many ways to prepare things like vegetables, so if you have texture issues, you might be able to work around them via different preparations to make them softer/mushier or crunchier. And of course flavor can be altered with seasoning and things like butter/cheese, and while you shouldn't go overboard and like, coat everything in a ton of butter or cheese, sometimes even knowing you're eating something in a way that's more calorie heavy than it would be just raw, it's still getting healthier foods into your diet, and it's still better than just not eating them at all. And it's also important to remember that if you really just genuinely hate a certain food.. you really just don't have to eat it. You should try new things if you are up for it in order to determine things you like and dislike, but if you really just cannot stomach, say, spinach, don't eat the spinach. Don't force yourself. It will just make the entire dieting experience harder and more sour and more of a struggle than it already is, and you don't need to do that to yourself, no matter how healthy or how much of a 'super food' something may be.

    Another thing.. treat yourself. But keep it scheduled. Pick a day, one day of the week, where you get to eat whatever you want, and make sure it's also a day off from exercise if/when you start mixing that in. With this though do try to avoid just overeating a ton of unhealthy foods, but this is really honestly to avoid getting sick. I know for me it was kind of like 'today I will shovel as much garbage into my face as possible' and trust me that's just not a good idea, it can make you very ill which is not fun. But you know, do order a pizza and enjoy a few pieces of it. Do eat some ice cream and watch a movie that you enjoy. Eat some stuff you like and do some things you like. It's a nice self care day and it can really, really help you to get through a week of dieting early on. As you get more used to a new diet though the treat yourself days may seem less necessary, and you can always feel free to skip them or drop them. I'd just caution against doing that at the start, because one thing people do a lot of the time when starting a new diet and/or exercise regimen is to just really overwork themselves. They shove themselves face first into a new diet, force themselves to the gym every day of the week, and burnout after that week. Start slow. Treat yourself. Take care of yourself.

    And also.. If you just want a loose rule of thumb of how much to eat without having to measure things out and read and track all the calories, consider just eating a serving amount that you'd estimate as a handful, and eat a few different things, trying to keep at least half of what you are eating in a meal one of the healthier options. If you want to do a few small meals a day, I know that helps some people out, but I know others can't manage it at all. I usually eat maybe once or twice a day which isn't that great but it's about all I can really get myself to do, and if you are only eating that amount of times per day, you'll want to eat more 'handfuls' at a time, maybe 3-4 or so.

    I know I didn't really address exercise at all because idk. I'm really in the same boat as you with that. I'd love to swim because it'd be the least painful thing for me to do, but of course finding a place to do it and getting the clothes for it and so on is daunting. I'm doing some small changes there too though.. really just, trying to at least getting a walk around our apartment complex with my dog every other day. It's not much, but it's more than what I've been doing, and it's a good place to start. Might get some of those small hand weights too and just do the walk alone, could be an option for you also? Just again.. start slow and don't hurt yourself. Know your health limits, and know your mental health limits too. But even if, idk, you walk laps around your room until you get tired, it's still something that you wouldn't have normally done, you know?

    Sorry if all of this is presumptuous or unnecessary. I know it's always easier said than done, and I'm honestly struggling with my weight now since my last dieting venture flopped because of my obsessive tracking of stuff, and now I'm really just back in the 'small changes' phase. I wish you luck with your doctor's visit, and with whatever you try to do diet/exercise wise.
  11. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Yeah, thank you for the reply. It's just comforting to share with others a bit, I think.

    My step dad is a personal trainer and last night he and I had a conversation about the dieting thing. He said pretty much the same thing. Start small and do just one change at a time. We also had a steak salad thing for dinner which was pretty neat.

    It's still all really overwhelming though because I can't help but think of changing everything at once and that if I only do the small stuff it's not enough... Bluh.

    But yeah! Small changes! I'm trying. x) Thanks again.
    • Like x 1
  12. rats

    rats 21 Bright Forge Shatters The Void

    Exercise!! I can give exercise advice probably :"0
    It's good to find a few types of exercise that you like bc that way when one becomes too overwhelming to do you can switch to another!! And I totally understand the swimming thing, I enjoy exercise and I still often can't force myself to get dressed for it and go find a pool submerge myself in water, ugh x__x and every little bit helps; technically stuff that raises your heart rate is the best, but if you can't run for example, going for walks is good too! If you haven't tried it yet, I'd recommend a bike machine (or biking in general really, the machine makes it easier though because you don't have to deal with terrain, weather, etc.) or weight lifting or something, if you have access to a gym just sorta......futz around there for a few hours a week :"0 what Aniseed said about food applies to exercise too, start small! Every little change helps.
    Good luck mang!!!!
    • Like x 1
  13. Astrodynamicist

    Astrodynamicist Adequate Potato Goblin

    do you have any data on how ellipticals are for you? cuz if not you might try them - they're designed to let you do the running thing without the high impact which i think is what tends to hurt people (bc instead of slamming your feet down constantly you're flailing them in continuous smooth circles).

    also i'd be up for being workout buddies (even if it's just hey let's go for a walk), if that would help at all.
  14. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    I could try it. Haven't yet.

    Based on when the pool is open, plan is Thursday night and Saturday afternoon do swimming, and then Tuesday afternoon at some point do regular gym stuff before my evening class.

    But exercise buddies could be nice, so that's an option too. I can give up swimming. Maybe. :P

    I have so many plans for when I get back to school, but right now there's not much to do here. Maybe/probably set up DDR?
    • Like x 2
  15. Astrodynamicist

    Astrodynamicist Adequate Potato Goblin

    or we could do exercise buddies for just the non-swimming stuff. or, go over together on swimming days but you go to the pool and i go do regular gym things and we meet up again after.
    • Like x 2
  16. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Yeah, we'll figure it out :) Thanks.

    Also, it sounds like I'll be taking my mom to work everyday, so I'll have the car and maybe I could find a YMCA or something while I'm here.
    • Like x 2
  17. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    We (my mom and I) started a calorie counting app and it's really neat
    but it just makes me miserable. I'm hungry like all the time and fuck that so I'm always going over even though I'm at the lowest goal setting (losing half a pound a week).

    And I just did like 40 min of DDR which was fun. But like. I didn't get the endorphine rush or whatever if you're supposed to.
    I just feel miserable.
    And I knew I would fucking feel miserable if I tried to fix this
    and it's not fair
    I just wanna curl up and cry and sleep
    Oh, but I can't because I gotta go get my mom at midnight and I'm super worried I'd fail to wake up and not get her.

    I've cried like every night this week and it just makes me wanna sleep more but i can't really, at least i shouldn't. and that just makes me wanna cry more... xP

    Edit: friend helped talk me down and I am feeling a little less "I hate everything" now, so. That's good. I just have to try little steps and one thing at a time.
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2015
  18. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    I have ideas about this, and I want to talk about it some more, but I don't have time right now. Just, you know, hang in there.
  19. Chiomi

    Chiomi Master of Disaster

    If your city is very walkable, walking as a way to run errands works really well a lot of the time - and then it's not 'working out' it's just getting shit done. And that can be a way to get stuff started, and then when you've built up more physical endurance doing anything else might not seem so awful.

    And I've got some hypoglycemia issues, and my mom's diabetic, so I've had some fun adventures with that. But, more: anemia is no joke and makes everything fucking awful. If your mom has it, you might be predisposed, and I think there might be a PCOS link? But, like - I get short of breath more easily, the hair on my arms comes in darker, I get more emotionally fragile and depressed when I'm anemic. It's shit. Everything is harder. It's like depression, but can be solved with steak instead of years of therapy and/or drugs. And, like, people will tell you to try quinoa or broccoli or whatever, and sure, fine, if you like that, but your absorption is way better with heme iron. So - would it help to approach cooking stuff as not being a diet but addressing unmet nutritional needs? 'Cause, like, sufficient calcium aids with iron absorption, and you want cruciferous veg as well as meat, and by the time you've put together a recipe from, like, an anemia cookbook, you might not want as much or anything as a side dish.

    Another thing I do is make sure I have emergency food wherever I go: food for when I've been running around and haven't had anything to eat and a crash hits me. Obviously the intent is to actually eat regular meals that are healthy, but sometimes one gets busy. And if I've got something with me it's way easier than grabbing even whatever's most convenient. But what I pack for my emergency food is stuff I don't particularly like: high-fiber granola bars. Not high-sugar enough to give me an unpleasant blood sugar spike nor appealing enough to eat when I could plan ahead and get something while I'm still cognizant, but it'll keep me going for a couple hours. Also they're pretty durable.
  20. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Florida is hot and I don't want to walk. Maybe I will anyways, I dunno. I don't have much errands to run anyways.
    Mmm steak. I'll look into stuff like that. It's just trying to control what I eat is really stressful for me, for some reason.
    Thank you for the advice though, I'll try to keep it in mind for when I'm less pessimistic ^^;

    I went to the doctor today. Found out that I'm not diabetic, just insulin resistant probably because of PCOS. I still need to lose weight, but we're also starting me on wellbutrin. And I asked and the doctor says as long as I lose weight, it doesn't really matter how. So I'm gonna go the "make better eating choices but still eat what I want and just exercise a lot" route. I mean I'm still gonna try to be healthy about it and all. But I just know I can't try to do exercising AND food stuff, and since the exercising is easier, I'll just do that. At least for now.

    Thanks to everyone who replied, I think I'll be okay.
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