I don't know where to put this and I'm gonna hope General Advice is the right place. It's stupid and I'm aware of that but I need to get things out and ask for advice before my anxiety actively murders me. If there's no such thing as available advice then that's chill and I'll try and sort shit out inside my head but if advice IS available then that'd be amazing. To start things off, here's the deal: I have been in a relationship for like two years or so now. It feels longer'n that because I really love my partner and life feels like an easy roll along with them even though problems happen and whatever. We deal with them, we continue to grow and learn, it's awesome and I'm happy. I also have a moirail, more commonly referred to as my queer-platonic partner irl, and have had for, like, three months now. I'm happy and content with them, too. Problems start when I have to register that I'm kind of demiromantic and kind of developing feelings for the QP. Regularly I'd assume this'd mean I'm meant to have waning feelings for my romantic partner but the problem is that I'm not. It's just like I'm gaining additional feelings. And that's making me real damn panicky because I barely know how to handle having one set of romantic feelings, let alone two. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm not going to say anything until I've ironed shit out in my head, but I'm panicking hard because I'm scared of ruining the good things that I have. I'm not seeing an ideal future with one person or the other, I'm seeing an ideal future with both of them. I think my basic ideal, then, is a polyamorous relationship but I have absolutely no idea how to ever broach that topic. They don't even know each other yet and since they live on opposite ends of the country, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future, I have no idea how to even have them meet. It's not even like it could be an open kind of relationship because I'm a selfish little ass and would just want things to be in a cute, neat little triangle of joy and love and joyness but like hell is that ever going to work and like hell am I ever going to be able to convey that. I don't even know what I'm typing anymore, I'm just stuck and panicking and trapped running in circles inside my own skull where everything is Doom and Gloom and there's no potential for a happy ending ever in a million years. Because despite being capable of writing polyamorous relationships, I've never seen one in real life and I've never seen them portrayed in a serious light in the media, and I don't know what the fuck to do. Any help at all would be useful, even if it's just a slap on the wrist and telling me I'm an idiot or some kind of greedy asshole. Sorry for cluttering up the forum with my crap and thanks for reading if you did.
And now I'm panicking about even putting these thoughts out in the open and want to just immediately delete this thread and run away.
You are not a "greedy asshole." You're a person with feelings and that is OKAY :) Um, look up refrence on the internet? I know pervocracy.tumblr.com is poly, and he gives out advice.
First! This is kinda happening to me right now (am married, have super intense crush on close friend) and it's a really annoying situation! It doesn't mean you're greedy, it just means the world is full of crush-worthy people. My situation is different in that I have tiny kids and therefore no room at all in my life for another romantic relationship. And my friend wants/deserves a nice equal relationship with someone else, not me being like "yea I can come over once a month to fuck". So that crush is mostly a nice fantasy/source for fuzzy feelings/occasional agony, not something I can realistically pursue. What I'm trying to say is: it'sperfectly cool to want to be with two persons! If I were you, I guess I would try to figure out what actions I could take while being as little of an asshole as possible. Like, do you have any clue how your current romantic partner would feel about a poly relationship of any kind? Could you somehow broach the subject with them? And what about your moirail, how do they feel? And what kind of solutions do you think you would be satisfied with? What are the possible consequences for the different actions you could take? And so on! Just try to keep in mind that whatever you feel and want, IT'S OKAY. Feeling it and wanting it, I mean. Hope this is the tiniest bit helpful! :)
First off, it's okay to have feelings for more than one person. And it's okay to want to attempt to have a poly relationship with all of them. You're not being greedy or anything, it's just something that happens. If you don't know how either of them feel about poly relationships, you could try bringing it up in general to each of them and ask how they feel about that sort of stuff to see if this is something that could possibly happen. Just saying something along the lines of 'A few of my friends are all in a poly relationship together. It has me thinking that that's something I think would be fun and nice to do.' will probably get the ball rolling on how they feel about poly relationships. Considering they don't even know each other yet, would it be possible to have a sort of online group chat together or within a mixed group of other friends? You could introduce them that way and see if they get along as acquaintances or become friends. Also, by a cute triangle of love and joy and joyness, do you mean something like "I'd want us all to be in a relationship with each other and be happy all together" ? Because that is definitely a way some poly relationships happen. It's pretty much the only way me and my partner have agreed that we could have a poly relationship. A poly relationship doesn't have to be something like 'I have these two partners that I love but they're just okay with each other.'
@Aniseed @smyxolotl @emythos Sup! I'm the original partner. Turns out I know the boyfriend's writing style just slightly too well. xP Just thought you'd appreciate a headsup that there's no dramatic relationship drama going down over here. We are talking it through like sensible grown-ups.
Case closed, more or less. Darn your amazing ability to identify how I write. /shakes tiny mouse fists
