Just gonna spoiler it because it's kinda gross but not related to sex things I'm just upset and embarrassed. Spoiler: Warning: I'm gross, this is gross. I warned you. So. I am afab, if it matters. Diagnosed with depression, around 23 years old. CSA survivor. Agender. I have always had bladder problems. Mostly of the control sort. My parents used to be angry with me a lot as a child. Peeing the bed was a nightly affair for many, many years. I just couldn't help it. My parents always were angry because they thought I was lazy, but really I just never woke up and never noticed til it was too late. It really only got somewhat better in my teens, or at least less frequent. I had a lot of tests done as a kid to figure out what was up with me, but they all said I was fine and healthy. I always had trouble holding it though, and I sometimes cannot tell if I actually have to use the restroom or not. Or at least not until it is PAINFUL, and I cannot get up. Embarrassingly enough leaking is a thing that happens sometimes. It's terrible. At around 20 I finally seemed to not have the problem anymore. The leaking eh, it happened every so often but not as much. Finally seemed to have an easier time knowing when I had to pee. Yay, not a big deal right? Well recently I've had a huge resurgence of the problem. Every few months, I end up peeing the bed. Like I'm a little kid again. I've ruined several mattresses over my life, and when I was in school when I was younger sometimes I still smelled bad because I couldn't wash off the smell before school. Well it's even more embarrassing as an adult. Recently I have also had a huge resurgence of the inability to tell I have to pee. Which is resulting in some NOT FUN experiences at home and work. I haven't peed myself in many, many years but uh, well I accidentally peed myself today while sitting at my desk on my computer. It's humiliating to think about. I have no idea what the fuck to do. Do I go to a doctor??? Do I keep a timer to tell me to get up??? I have no fucking idea but at this point I feel like I can't be around anyone or do anything for fear of this becoming a repeating offense.