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Enzel.txt (art/mmo screenshots/babbling)

Discussion in 'Your Bijou Blogette' started by Enzel, Dec 17, 2018.

  1. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Last edited: Jan 14, 2019
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  2. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Friend: hey have you seen the new KH3 trailer

    Me: welp time to be back on that bullshit

    KAIRI AND AXEL FRIENDSHIP YESSSSSSSSS

    YOU BETTER BRING MY GIRL XION BACK YOU FUCKING COWARDS


    i missed all these losers

    I gotta...save for PS4 for real now...

    Edit: https://twitter.com/KINGDOMHEARTS/status/1074635500726685697
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2018
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  3. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    These are my children. Please love them.

    Edit: updated with names since im going to be babbling about them enough)

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    1. Imry Ceigwardwyn | baby girl. baby.
    2. N'valyh Tia (Val) | dumbass thot
    3. Faunh Seket | anxiety bard mom
    4. Elouan "I got pushed off a cliff for asking too many questions and all i got was this shitty PTSD" Linvernois
    5. Nergui Malaguld | baby boy. baby. likes to fish.

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    6. Nennali Durant | Local Lesbian Tries Very Hard
    7. Tache Wystlan | Actual Cinnamon Roll
    8. Ragna Estelwede | I'm Going To Destroy You With Knowledge And Look Good Doing It
    9. Enzel Silverfist | I'm Gonna Punch It
    10. Kototsuki Malaguld | A N G E R L I Z A R D

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    11. Raiya Ceigwardwyn | World Famous Hero's Nerd Sister
    12. Ketenbraena (Keten) | The Babyest Edgelord
    13. Whispering Glacier | Dance Magic Dance
    14. Yulili Yuli | preferred problem solving method: Light it On Fire
    15. Ehr Tohl | actually a small dragon but dragon is not a playable race :(

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    16. Weinblyss Galeturner (Wein) | "I'm a chirurgeon, but..." *cocks gun*
    17. Aerling Dorne (Keiho Oshiga) | preferred problem solving method: Stabbing
    18. Sivana Villeneuve (Noline Sellecerre) | local grumpy postwoman
    19. Pyha Sharpshade | Butch Lesbian Fantasy Biker Gang Member Sky Pirate
    20. Relulu Relu | Token Thirsty Heterosexual

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    Last but not least: (expys from other games)
    21: Victor Kresnik (Victor, ToX2) | Voted Year's Best Serial Killer Dad (definitely not the persona 5 guy)
    22: Arst Outway (King Gaius, ToX/ToX2) | dumb idiot
    23: Estellise Sidos (Estelle, ToV) nerd princess
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2019
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  4. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Today on "Enzel has dreams about shit theyve never seen": Venom/Buffy crossover (well, Ive seen Buffy, but.)

    Apparently my subconscious decided that Venom guy sleeps hanging from a wall like goopy Spiderman, has a cute dog (no idea how true this is) & there was a three way fight (5 way???) between him and his rival/enemy(???) and Buffy (she thought both of them were bad guys) and he was like "ok we need to be careful tho bc i have a dog." (Cut to cute closeup of dog)

    I have zero clue how accurate to the movie this is (minus Buffy)

    Edit: wait, i know why the dog thing. Its because of that photoset of Tom Hardy holding a cute dog
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2018
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  5. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    pacha.jpg

    I need this orchestrion roll so bad
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2018
  6. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Self indulgent comic time

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  7. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Pt 2.
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    • Like x 1
  8. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Pt 3.

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    Unfinished but wew

    It was super cathartic to draw

    Every time i make a protag I'm like "gonna make them nothing like me" and then...whoops

    Imry's family is...hm. a vague analog for mine? If my parents werent shitty? Her parents ended up looking a bit like mine by accident...Except no older brother & she's the younger sister, and Raiya is i guess more like me superficially except autistic (less social, resting bitch face, nerd) & Imry is the outgoing one. Tho my actual sis is more ambivert than extrovert. So yeah...vague analog. I always joke about Imry being a stereotypical "friendship and never give up" protag which is true...but she also ended up w the ADHD self esteem issues. (devalues her own intelligence because she has difficulties w certain things.)

    Keten is DEFINITELY a projection of how i learned how to deal with my anger in therapy. Lol. When i finally got a therapist who acknowledged that my parents (mostly my mom) was verbally/emotionally abusive, as well as how easy it is to be constantly invalidated growing up w ADHD (diagnosed or not) I...discovered so much anger i wasnt consciously aware of. It was hard. I hated it, because i felt like i wasn't ever allowed to express negative feelings...that they were always bad and inconvenient. & the DRK quests are pretty...good...at covering that emotional arc...

    I was also interested in outlining the differences, bc in game Fray/Esteem is definitely written to be the mirror of a specific kind of protag. (The default strong & silent type WoL) So i really wanted to explore what kind of darkness a "happy go lucky" person might have. I lean more towards the "Esteem is pretty different from OG Fray" side of things, especially because Fray was described as..."a frozen lake" to contrast Sidurgu's hot temper? So i figured the real Fray was more cold/composed. Esteem gets angry &has outbursts a lot, because theyre expressing the feelings the WoL isn't allowed to.

    Note that i developed & RP'd Keten before SB came out. So they ended up being an amalgam of Fray/Esteem & Myste. Myste does not exist as a separate entity, because by the time of SB Imry has given Keten their own body and the DRK soul stone and no longer has it herself. Also the verse where Keten exists is basically an "everyone lives" AU because we got mad about certain senseless deaths. Akiv'a is a reckless little shit of a healer and basically shaved years off his life to heal Haurchefant, and probably would have died instead if Imry hadn't insisted on sharing the aether burden of that spell. Also Hraesvelgr was less of an ass/got scolded by his dad so he helped Ysayle out and she lived and got a dragon bf. (Hell yeah.) She lost her crystal of light & can barely do magic anymore tho. But dragon bf. He's one of Aki's ocs and they're adorable.

    Uh anyway. However in the verse where Imry is the only WoL/never met Akiv'a, she's not able to save Haurchefant or help Ysayle, plus Keten never gets given a distinct name/separated from her (again bc that involved Akiv'a), so Myste exists there.

    About Keten...Imry is self-sacrificing to a fault and always assumes the best of people, even though it results in her getting betrayed/let down a lot. The whole ARR ending (and a lot of ARR itself) would have fucked her up specifically because she is a tank, she sees herself as a shield for people, both literally and metaphorically. So when people die, or y'know, her friends look like they've sacrificed themselves for her one after another, its not only horrifying, but to her, she failed her purpose on a fundamental level.

    On top of that, being a meat shield all the time really sucks but she thinks that's all she's really good for, that and emotional support. So through the beginning of HW she's depressed and struggling to put on a brave face, and she can for a while bc she's good at living in the moment. But she never gets an outlet for her negative emotions and worries about going to her friends about it bc she doesnt want to burden them. She's very concerned that admitting that she's upset or frightened or worried means that other people won't have anyone to rely on. Haurchefant means a lot to her even tho she doesnt have any romantic feelings for him because he does for her what she does for other people: offers unconditional support. However she gets bad at even showing her true feelings to him because she doesn't want to disappoint him & his image of her. Unaware that even if she did he'd still support her. They're both idiots. 8(

    She finds Fray's body and...unconsciously thinks "here is another person i failed to save" and, because part of her wishes he is still alive and she found him in time, he "is".

    Keten is angry. Angry that the world is unjust. Angry that people keep taking Imry for granted, angry at Imry for basically taking bullets for everyone without questioning it. Keten says whatever comes to mind, even if it's thoughtless or cruel. If Imry is empathetic to the extreme, Keten jumps to conclusions and decides what other people's motives are and reacts to that. Keten decides that if Imry won't stop getting herself hurt for other people, they're going to take over her body and protect her themselves. It's twisted logic but also the logic of a newborn creature that was created from pain and doesn't really understand the world. That's why they're eventually able to grow and change.

    Imry basically loses the battle of wills, because she *is* tired and worn down and wants to rest. Of course, her friends' reaction to her body being taken over by some unknown entity is "uhhh, what the fuck, give her back???" Akiv'a especially...does not react well, understandably, and he and Keten fight. Imry hears him calling for her and comes back because she doesn't want him to be alone.

    After that Imry tries to encourage Keten to take over sometimes to get to know her friends, because she feels Keten's loneliness, not entirely understanding that it is *literally her own loneliness* and her longing to be understood. Keten is freaked out by this because Akiv'a kind of beat them up and understandably they took it as a rejection. (He just wanted his best friend back.) It doesn't go well. Whenever Keten is..."fronting", for lack of a better term, all they can think is that everyone around them would rather have Imry than them. Imry gets the bright idea that, since the body-sharing thing isn't going well, the solution is to give Keten their own separate body (that isn't a reanimated corpse this time....)

    That doesn't go well either. It takes a lot of heart to hearts with various people for Imry to sort out her emotional shit and internalize that being friends means you share hardships and that its ok to lean on each other. In the meantime Keten is wandering around looking like a grimdark version of her and refusing to talk to anyone, basically having an emotional breakdown bc they are a months-old baby and don't know how to function on their own.

    They're essentially borderline suicidal when Sidurgu confronts them (thinking they're a danger to Imry.) They fight, he realizes that Keten really isn't Fray at all and sort of comes to terms with Fray's death finally. He agrees with Keten that Imry is kind of a fucking idiot who is way too nice, and spares them. He basically goes "you seem like a way better fit for that soul stone than she was so try to live up to it maybe, but I'm keeping an eye on you" and leaves. (This is basically the content of the fic i wrote and need to finish editing and post fjdhgjdlf)

    Keten latches onto that and goes "well if no one else will give me a purpose for living, my purpose is going to be the (sorta-)Living Embodiment of Dark Knight" but of course they have no clue how to do that aside from something something...justice...(Imry is not the only idiot here) They go through a bunch of shit with Alisaie by circumstance and the two of them develop a weird understanding. They start figuring out how to manipulate aether to change their form and take OG Fray's form for a while bc they're in a situation where being a 7 ft tall Roegadyn is way too conspicuous. However when they eventually go back to Ishgard, Sidurgu is not...happy...about this...and yells at them about it. (I mean most people wouldn't react well to someone showing up w their dead boyfriend's face)

    Alisaie suggests that maybe if they keep having bad experiences when they imitate other people's appearances, they should probably pick one for themselves that's unique. Keten tries out various things and eventually decides they dont like being short. (lmao) They develop their final form (lol) by taking elements from both Imry and Fray. They still change occasionally when the situation calls for it but the energy cost is great enough that they usually don't feel that it's worth it.

    Re: the gender thing...I'm agender myself but i did worry a little about people assuming "they're agender because they're not human" but its actually because they are human...they're made from humans (idk if theres a better word for "mortal fantasy beings") and Imry herself is like...apathetically cis? Fray is a dude (my hc is that hes a trans dude but that has little bearing on this) and then whatever impressions the previous soul stone owners left on it...so i guess Keten is like "a little of everything but none at the same time" if that makes....any sense...they find most primary & secondary sex characteristics a pain in the ass to deal w anyway so they generally opt out. Most people who know them use she/her pronouns for them because their voice is the same as Imry's but they don't really give a shit either way. I guess "nonbinary woman" in the Steven Universe sense works, but also most people who meet them are like "??????" and just pick a pronoun depending on their impression...

    Anyway. Skip forward a bit and the stuff the comic covers happens...Alisaie teaches them how to read and this is pretty great because they can get information on How To Be A Person without asking other people 50 billion questions!!! Books are fucking great!! Also Imry can't read for shit so this is a way that they are different from her and becoming a distinct person!! They finally start to gain some chill and actually interact with other people without biting their heads off. (A big problem was their ability to sense darkness meant they were getting constant feedback of everyone's negative emotions when they interacted with them, and didn't have the experience to understand that those emotions werent necessarily directed at *them*)

    They've been sort of avoiding Imry for a while at this pt, half out of resentment at being thrown into the world without a clue how to function, and half because they felt they needed to establish themselves as separate person away from her. Finally they reconcile & these days they get along pretty well.

    They're sort of awkward friends w Alphinaud now, he wanted to help them learn stuff but all they felt from him was pity and condescension and it pissed them off. They'd always grump at him until Alisaie was like "get along with my brother or ELSE", and they respect her so they made an effort to tolerate him and realized...they don't hate hanging out w/ him... (gasp)

    Physically their armor is actually part of their body that they manipulate. Technically the casual clothes are too but at a certain point the Group Dad was horrified to learn *they aren't actually wearing clothing* and made them some real clothes. They wear them sometimes but think the whole thing is a bit of a pain in the ass.

    Posting to save this will finish ramble later

    Edit: i think thats all the word vomit i got for today whew
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2018
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  9. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Oh right i did want to talk about The Horror of Our Love

    It's a song that I actually...have not listened to. I guess I probably should. The lyrics are pretty creepy but apparently metaphorical. A while back when i was really into Kingdom Hearts and Ven/Vanitas i stumbled across the song writer's words about the meaning of the song and it stuck with me.


    It's a little dramatic and i know its talking about found love but the feeling he describes is the feeling I've been trying to pinpoint in stories about people who are split in two. By which i mean...in fantasy there's obviously an element that can be explored that can't be irl.

    I always liked the theme of a literal part of someone's inner self coming to life and expressing the things they couldn't, asking for the things they couldn't. And how painful would it be for that piece to be fragmented and how it would long to be whole again. But once something splits off it becomes distinct, it starts to form memories and experiences separate from the original host, and it can't go back to the way it was before.

    That's what i wanted to express with Keten's arc: the pain of separation, the betrayal, when your entire being revolves around a single person. And honestly how unhealthy it is, and even though growing into your own is painful and difficult, it's worth it in the end. You long to go back but you know its not possible and somehow, you know if you did you wouldn't be satisfied by that anymore.
     
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  10. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag



    This song expresses it a bit i feel

     
  11. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    i haven't even played nier: automata just absorbed things thru tumblr osmosis

    had this image stuck in my head for ages and just needed to make it happen lmao

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    a n g e r y
     
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  12. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    been giving my poor copics a workout lately

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  13. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    also did a bunch of portraits of RP pairings with ~flower symbolism~

    my scanner turned some of the cooler brown skintones grey so i have to go back and fix that :s yay fixed

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    Imry & Tohnrune:
    gerbera - cheerfulness, adoration
    freesia - innocence, friendship
    alstroemeria - devotion
    gladiolus - strength, faithfulness

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    N'valyh and Akiv'a:
    purple carnation - capriciousness
    snapdragon - deception or graciousness
    blue violet - devotion
    daffodil - rebirth, new beginning

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    Elouan & Faunh:
    blue iris - hope, faith
    gardenia - secret love
    peony - bashfulness, compassion

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    Sef & Nergui
    protea - courage
    lilac - first love
    aster - patience

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    Duua & Pyha
    orchid - beauty, elegance, strength
    hyacinth - playfulness, constancy
    delphinium - ardent attachment, levity

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    Alisaie & Keten:
    heather - protection, admiration, solitude
    hydrangea - deeper understanding, forgiveness
    anemone - protection from evil, forsaken or forgotten love, anticipation

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    Alphinaud & Sanlie:
    sunflower - adoration, loyalty
    white chrysanthemum - devoted love, truth, purity
    ranunculus - radiant charm
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2018
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  14. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    last bit of artspam:

    Akiv'a and the tiniest Elder Primal
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    my friend whose FFXIV PC is p much just Mettaton from Undertale as a cave elf
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  15. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    WHALE SLIPPERS

    idk how to resize pics on my phone but i promise they are rly cute

    I get cold so easily esp my feet so i put these cute whale-shaped slippers on my amazon wishlist and Aki's mom got them for me ;;

    Also Aki got me a rotary cutter (which they kept referring to jokingly as a pizza cutter to the point where i got confused and legit thought they got me a pizza cutter XD) so it will make quilting and stuff easier. I gotta save up for a bigger cutting mat but i have a small one at least. (Tbf no space for a big one rn anyway.)

    My xmas art accomplishments:

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    (Our raid group in FF14 is called Snailforce One)

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  16. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

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  17. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    gay

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    i keep hearing "Your Heart Is A Weapon" on the radio at work so i drew this on the train home. Coloring Keten's stupid extra edgelord hair is strangely soothing.

    So many of my copics need refills now because I've been drawing so much. My wallet crey.
     
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  18. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Me at like 3am: I should make a commissions post

    Also me: but then i need to buy more refills...

    Get paid on Thursday so maybe I'll just order some...since the art store i go to doesnt have some colors i need. (C5...)

    I cant believe i cannot wait to do my tax return lmao. Hopefully will get a decent amt back.
     
  19. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Prrrrogress

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  20. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Based on

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    Tho i drew Akiv'a in the new 4.5 dungeon gear bc Aki is always complaining its hard to find stuff that looks good on him

    Also (bangs hands on table) SQUARE ENIX LET DUDES WEAR CORSETS

    I may draw Van separately bc my sketchbook is small &i didnt do enough advanced planning to fit him in. Maybe ill do a group portrait at some pt

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    In other news im...drawing...dreamwidth rp icons...
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2018
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