eP yells about emotions

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by esotericPrognosticator, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    blerrrrrrrgh my little brother's ableism really bothers me. >:( the thing is, he goes to this private school paid for by the school district because they... didn't think they could handle him, pretty much (keep in mind that the official policy for kids with IEPs, i.e., Individualized Education Plans, i.e., "special needs," is that they should be as integrated with their "normal peers" as possible), and as far as I can tell (no one will straight-up tell me), the school specializes in kids with neurodevelopmental disorders, particularly autism. some of their students are pretty "low-functioning"; for instance, the high school mostly trains kids for non-professional, non-trade jobs. my brother, on the other hand, is "high-functioning," and he... makes disparaging comments about his classmates to me and my mother pretty often, in the vein of "haha look I'm better than that idiot." that really bothers me just on its own merits, but it's also... really sad that he's turning around and punching down, you know? because, like, his previous school kicked him out because they were "not equipped to handle him," so I'm pretty sure he was "that idiot" to his peers there, and instead of remembering that and empathizing, he's just taking his chance to feel superior. I wish he would listen to me if I explained this to him, but I don't think he'd be interested/understand. :( yesterday he was talking about how So-and-so was the only "normal" kid in his class, and I was like, "gee, it's almost like disabilities aren't always instantly visible!!!", and I'm nnnnnot sure if he picked up on my sarcasm there, but he kept pressing the point, and I got so frustrated that I took the dog outside and shut the door in the middle of his sentence. :( I should apologize for that, I think, even if he's probably forgotten it by now.
     
  2. Birdy

    Birdy so long

    oh man I feel bad cause. I used to do the same thing, belittle people who were "more disabled" than me. I did it because I felt so inferior to normal people and I had to feel better than someone. It wasn't right and it wasn't kind, but I was an angry kid and I didn't know anything better to do.

    Just like you said, I figure he's doing the same thing.

    Yeah, I think you should apologize, and explain why you were upset. If you feel like you're able, you might have a conversation. Letting him explain how he feels and come around to things on his own will probably go over better than trying to just tell him stuff.
     
    • Like x 1
  3. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    attempted to convince my mother of the Sam Vimes Boots Theory of Economic Inequality, but she wasn't buying it. sign. >:(
     
  4. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    so I'm back in classes and feeling good about it, which is pretty [fingerguns], and the classes I've had so far seem like they'll continue to be interesting (most of them are the same as last term, just with different classmates/teachers), even if I still have that oNE FUCKIN' HISTORY TEACHER AND HER TERRIBLE ESSAY CRITERIA, AUGH. also I spent a lot of small-group time with friends today, since I had spoons, no schoolwork yet, and free time, which was nice! eeeeven if one of them had the really bright idea of, fuckin', writing ship fic of me and that guy I have a crush on (we'll call him CC, with apologies to Feferi) and animating it for class, complete with voice acting by yours truly and CC himself (which prompted this comment when another of my friends volunteered to voice something in it). initially someone was like, "wait, is that child porn," but then I had to go and quote the "artistic expression can't be CP" Supreme Court decision, and then there was no stopping them. I mean, it was funny and I was enjoying myself (and it's flattering to think that someone might digitally animate me), but it was also really embarrassing. I'm?? also not sure how serious she is??? obviously she won't turn in porn, and probably not anything with voice acting, but I. really wouldn't put it past her to make some fluffy, transparently-inspired thing, if only to get a rise out of me. I made her promise to not put anything recognizable in there, and to let me vet her drafts, but still. this'll be a wild ride, and I feel sorry for CC, unwitting source of entertainment that he is.
     
  5. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    THE SCHOOL FACULTY HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN THE MEMO*!!! THERE WAS PROBABLY ACTUALLY A LITERAL EMAIL SOME ADMINISTRATOR SENT OUT OVER BREAK!!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH I AM BEING TREATED WITH COMMON DECENCY

    *re: my pronouns. as a matter of fact I've heard like one of them use them successfully, once, but the other ones are making an effort. "she—uh, he" is better than just "she." wish my family were better at it by now though, they've certainly being trying long enough for it to start to stick. :/
     
    • Like x 1
  6. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    audio processing is Questionable rn and I am Displeased. like, it works okay if there isn't too much background noise and I'm, like, focusing on listening? like if a teacher is lecturing or I'm in the middle of a back-and-forth with someone. but people to whom I'm not already paying attention addressing me, or side conversations? forget it. I woke up this morning and two people were talking in the hallway (outside my closed door, but that is not usually an effective sound barrier), but their conversation was only so much noise. kinda scary. whyyyyy are mouth noises so important. :( also my executive function is on the fritz, but I'm not sure if that's burnout or just depression or what, so that's fun! not! I haven't done laundry in a month!
     
    • Like x 2
  7. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    I'm hella depressed rn for no apparent reason (my depressionbrain likes to pretend there are legitimate reasons for me to be miserable, but I am well aware of its bullshit) and really sensitive to Bad Noises (I'm lucky that I can compensate more or less unconsciously for excess sensory input when I have the spoons, but I don't have the spoons right now). BUT I have been consuming some gr8 media lately, including DC Comics Bombshells, by Marguerite Bennett, which @KarrinBlue recommended... somewhere... and which I really enjoyed. (I've read all ninety chapters released so far, lol.) I really haven't read any superhero comics and certainly not any with those characters, so I'm sure I'm missing some riffs on the genre's tropes, but it's good nonetheless! good character design (I am not beyond appreciating boob windows), good artwork, good (if silly) storyline... basically just a good light read. it's super diverse too! the premise has all the heroes as women during World War II, so the cast is really lady-heavy, plus queer-lady-heavy (partially because I suspect that you kinda have to have same-gender relationships for on-screen romances with the cast), plus a number of POC, plus lots of Jewish people (again, setting), plus just... the characters are from a lot of different countries? which is cool. my main quibble is that all three major male characters are white, blond, and blue-eyed, and I can't tell them apart by sight. it's kinda a problem. I thiiiiink two of said guys are in romantic relationships with lady heroes? maybe three? I can't tell if
    John Constantine and Zatanna are a thing, or?? I lowkey feel like John's gay, though. definitely some kind of queer. I don't care if it isn't canon.

    and there are other things too which I might infodump about later in here, but this post is long enough already. :P
     
  8. KarrinBlue

    KarrinBlue Magical Girl Intern

    ((actually! john is canon queer. bisexual specifically. glad you're enjoying the comic!))
     
    • Like x 1
  9. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    !!!! I KNEW IT MY A+ QUEERDAR STRIKES AGAIN
    hints in dialogue what hints in dialogue
     
  10. KarrinBlue

    KarrinBlue Magical Girl Intern

    ((In issue 90 he mentions being popular with ladies and certain gentlemen of discerning taste ((which is a filthy lie, John constantine has been described BY THE COMICS' AUTHOR as a magical garbage person, discerning tastes are not required))))

    ((And in a more depressing kind of hint, when he and zatanna are sent to the ghetto his coat has a pink triangle sewn on and the Nazis make a homophobic joke at his expense))
     
    • Like x 1
  11. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    yep, I noticed both of those! and one other I think? possibly? while he was talking to Zatanna at some point? but yes. he does seem like a magical garbage person, but hey, he's a cute magical garbage person. ;) also I like being told my taste is discerning. :P
     
    • Like x 1
  12. KarrinBlue

    KarrinBlue Magical Girl Intern

    ((Also we have a bombshells fan thread!))
     
    • Winner x 1
  13. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    okay SO my Trans Problem Of The WeekTM is as follows:
    now that I am out, people know what pronouns they're supposed to be using for me. this is nice! however, pronouns being what they are (i.e., really fucking habitual, like wow), they screw them up pretty frequently. some of them will catch themselves, repeat the offending phrase with the correct pronoun, which is, as far as I'm concerned, the best way to handle it. (my Latin class—three girls I've known for at least a year, me, and my teacher, who is Woke AF, probably as a product of being a gay black woman in a very straight white male field—is quality, oh my god. everyone is A+ with the pronouns and we also have A+ Discourse. last class's was on Greek/Roman views of m/m relationships (spoiler: pederasty, Problematic as all hell) as showcased in Book I of Ovid's Ars Amatoria, which we were reading. it featured one of my classmates growing progressively more horrified as the description of how Chiron "broke" (in the horse sense) the young willful Achilles and how the author planned to do the same to Cupid unfolded while my teacher and I were just like "yeah lmao")

    others (usually Very Earnest Teachers), however, will make a federal fucking issue out of it and, like, stop me or pull me aside to apologize profusely, and thus far my reaction to that has been "haha it's okay," but. I'm not sure if that's the right reaction? because, compared to how other people blithely misgender me, being misgendered but getting an apology is okay. like, [you tried star]. buuuuuut in the long run, I don't know if that's a good attitude to have, because, like. if I sort of brush off being misgendered like that, people will think, like, "oh actually she doesn't care lol why am I bothering" and, well, stop bothering to correct themselves. because being misgendered does bother me?? it's just it happens so often that I'm lowkey resigned to it, in that if I flipped my lid at everyone who did it I would be continually exhausted. so. what do??
     
  14. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    on a lighter note, please enjoy this meme poem that I wrote for class, turned in, and received an A for. (it's an homage to Ezra Pound, specifically the cantos where he constructs poems out of cut-and-pasted text from other books. but still.)
     

    Attached Files:

    • Like x 1
  15. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    my mother, who has Eating Issues*: your not eating healthy is the same as your father's alcoholism
    me: um?
    my mother: I mean I feel the same about them because neither of you is doing anything to help himself
    me: those are not... in the same league? I'm not fucking poisoning myself??
    my mother: you're poisoning yourself with sugar
    me: okay I'm leaving this conversation
    my mother: and I'm going to take care of myself and go to the gym

    *which probably constitute some kind of eating disorder (not otherwise specified or possibly some kind of anorexia?), but I'm no expert
     
    • Witnessed x 1
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