i feel bad for making another thread when i've already made a bunch of whine threads (is there...a max limit of whine threads per user? or something? please tell me if there is.) Spoiler: self-pitying whinging to some degree i can tell that my 'no one loves me and everyone wants me dead' feelings are illogical and a waste of time, but on the other hand i can't get them to go away and lately real life has not been doing much to dispel them. my best friend keeps promising to hang out with me, and then cancelling. over. and over. and over. this has been going on for months. it's not even a cancelling in advance thing, it's like, me waiting at my house three hours after she was supposed to show up and she hasn't texted or anything. if i message her i'll get a response a few hours later than that saying that she wasn't feeling up to it or she forgot, and can we do it a few days later instead? i'll say sure, and then it happens again. she was supposed to drop by so i could give her her christmas present today, and she told me just a minute ago she fell asleep and she'd be around in a couple days. i don't want to be clingy, and i know it's her own brain issues getting in the way, but i can't help but feel like i'm bothering her and she just wants me to die and get out of her life and stop bothering her already. another friend told me they were not free to at all to hang out that week, no spare time at all, and then made plans with someone else for that week right in front of me. i had a conversation with one of my online friends that led to a little more distance (there's already a thread about that) and, predictably and understandably, she is more distant, and now i wish i hadn't made that conversation happen even though i was uncomfortable with the way things were before i had it. i was uncomfortable, sure, but i was necessary. i was needed. another friend and i have just sort of....drifted apart. we only ever talked about a fictional character we had a mutual crush on, and she stopped having a crush on that character, and now all our conversation is forced and awkward. ...i don't really know of any way to make this stop happening. ideally i'd just quit overreacting to it, but i'm not sure how to stop that short of therapy, which still isn't an option. and i don't think it's really a good idea to tell my friends 'don't ignore me or cancel on me it makes me feel bad'. that sounds really manipulative. i don't want to ask anyone to prioritize me over their own well-being. edit: realized the spoilercut didn't work, oops.
i have no advice, but i do have a friend that keeps doing this to me, and my response was to just stop making plans with her because i was tired of feeling constantly ditched. (finishing touch was when she did it on my birthday, and only when i called her to ask when she was going to arrive because she was already late) so, *empathic shoulderpat*
wow, yeah, that sounds wildly inconsiderate. ditching on birthday is definitely a finishing touch. ...i don't really want to stop making plans with this person, or cut her off, because she's basically the only close irl friend i have left and she's really important to me. aaaaaaaaaand also my crush of five years. so. yeah.
yeah, it wouldn't have been so bad if she'd been sick or something, but despite having confirmed the day before she decided to go on a date instead. definitely not amused. maybe not having fixed plans with her would be more helpful? like, instead of a specific date, say 'text me when you're feeling up to coming by'. then you won't feel bad because you got cancelled on again, and she won't feel bad for cancelling on you. also, is it at all possible for you to get to her place? she might be up for hanging out if it doesn't come with the added expenditure of having to get ready to go out. (my so had a hard time leaving the house on time when his brainweird was really bad, so i'd just go to his place instead)
