Feelings not mutual

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by tickingnectarine, Dec 7, 2017.

  1. So, there’s a person that I used to like romantically who liked me back. That’s was months ago. Since then, we’ve barely talked (sometimes going weeks without saying a word) and I... kinda don’t care anymore. They’re a nice person, and I’m fine being friends with them, but with the gaps between Contact I don’t really have the romantic feelings anymore.

    Last night they sent me a text that just said “I miss you.” I’m not sure how to respond. Any suggestions?
  2. KingdomByTheSea

    KingdomByTheSea Well-Known Member

    Did they know about the mutual feelings?
  3. Verily

    Verily surprised Xue Yang peddler

    You say you're fine being friends, but do you actually want to be friends? The way you phrased that makes me wonder a little.

    A friendship is not a romance, but it's still a potentially serious relationship. It's okay if you decide you don't see that kind of potential here, or just aren't interested in developing it.

    I ask because it's relevant to response options.
  4. Yes, we both acted on it somewhat.
  5. I mean I think I’m fine with being friends? I’m not heavily invested in talking to them. But I have very few friends and being friends with them sounds fine to me.
  6. KingdomByTheSea

    KingdomByTheSea Well-Known Member

    Full disclosure: I am not the best at relationship stuff, either friendship or romance. But what I'd do in this situation is reply that you missed talking to them (if you did) and then tell them that you're not really feeling the romance anymore but you'd still like to talk more and continue being friends
    • Agree x 2
    • Informative x 1
  7. Verily

    Verily surprised Xue Yang peddler

    Sorry for taking so long to get back to this.

    My angle here was that if you wanted to be polite but discourage conversation, you could respond with things that gently shut down conversational threads without offering new ones. They say they miss you, you say now that they mention it, it has been a long time and you hope they're well. If they say they are and ask how you're doing, you say busy but good, you appreciate them asking.

    If you want to encourage further conversation, you could say that you miss them too. (If the romance possibility was a topic of discussion previously, you could add something about how you've come to think that isn't something you're up for pursuing any further, but you'd very much like to keep talking with each other as friends if they're up for it, like @KingdomByTheSea said.) Ask them what they've been up to recently since it's been a while since you spoke. If you know of something specific they were doing/working on, go ahead and ask them how that thing is going. Make it easy for them to engage in conversation with you by offering them topics that are easy to talk about.
    • Agree x 1
    • Informative x 1
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice