i get intrusive thoughts pretty regularly but lately i've been getting a pretty nasty recurring one that's particularly visceral and violent Spoiler: spoilered cause violence and suicide it's sort of like, a view of my own head from behind (or just a head but i know it's mine in the same way you know things in dreams), immediately before a gun goes off at my right temple. it's always very brief and not super upsetting but. bleh! in general my intrusive thoughts are of the 'what if you did x impulsive thing that would probably result in immense pain/injury?' variety, or flashes of revolting and painful imagery, like Spoiler: GORY AND GROSS shattered kneecaps and mangled hands and torn-out tongues, or close-ups of large, hairy spiders. (i know lots of people on this forum love spiders and even find them cute. i wish i could find them cute! instead they fill me with primal terror, which is terribly inconvenient and unpleasant.) i'm pretty used to it but occasionally i still manage to freak myself out. i can't watch/look at/read anything that involves torture or visible mangling or gore, not just because i find all of the above intensely disturbing and upsetting, but also 'cause it'll trigger the thoughts at random times for hours or even days afterwards. so basically you'll never catch me watching any of the Saw movies. i wasn't sure if there was an intrusive thoughts thread or not, so i figured i'd just start one. shrug! i find it kind of cathartic and interesting to talk about them. hopefully i am not the only one!
