Vent Hawke Vents: now with extra screm

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Hawkeguy, Nov 30, 2016.

?

fuck?

  1. FUCK!

    1 vote(s)
    11.1%
  2. scrap!

    1 vote(s)
    11.1%
  3. sideswipe

    4 vote(s)
    44.4%
  4. time for BEEF BEE TONIC

    3 vote(s)
    33.3%
  1. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    trans guy IDW starscream is such a cathartic fucking headcanon for me, especially coupled with my thorough deliberate ignorance of people refusing to let his fantastic character arc come to a conclusion
    screeching venomous gremlin who wants what's his at all costs, dammit, trying his hardest but constantly falling on his ass (usually because bungling up some backup measures, or planning too hard, or being too fixated), yet somehow still around gleefully plotting and making failsaves, and ultimately coming to the conclusion of "well things could've been a certain way but they aren't, so to hell with that"? would ideally have eight thrusters? killer legy? affinity for capes? defensive as all fucking hell to what he earned? voice from a dumpster? why yes, gimme that good hot relatable shit.
     
  2. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    having a minor but constant breakdown because you keep trying to learn as much as u can about arting only to come to the realization that you could put down literal shite and people would still share it around if you use the right subject matter and interact enough and subsequently wondering why the fuck you keep doing this is exasperated bird culture
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  3. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    coping with things in the weirdest ways, pt.1:
    i keep two packets of bandaids with cartoon characters on them around the flat (artist and costumer - prime recipe for cuts and burns in the dumbest moments) and i feel really smug and like i won something each time i look at them. sure i probably used to have some in the past, too, but even if that was the case, this time they don't come attached to someone who's causing the wounds and made me apologize for getting them in the first place 8^)
    oh nooooo. those watercolored dragons on cheap plastic? a symbol of victory!!
     
    • Like x 1
    • Winner x 1
  4. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    conflicting information from the uni and people who actually study in the course have led me to believe that i better mcfucking brush up on the basics of like...programming shit that doesn't even interest me lmao
    thanks a lot anxiety
    do i have to know all the things? do i have to known none of the things? uni says both. fuck you, uni.
     
    • Witnessed x 3
  5. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    i'd really love to believe that participating in fandom stuff doesn't annoy the living hell out of everyone but that's just [muffled yelling]
    like, shit, it's fun, on the other hand, goddamn, it's either isolation or making people put up with my bullshit because i'm too lazy to put in enough work to earn an actual place in there. anyways purely consuming is just worthless, too, and if i don't do things 24/7 my brain keeps thinking more and more like that until it takes over and i'm paralyzed. HELL.
     
  6. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    if my brain could turn down the volume in which it sends strings of variants of "hey! die!" or "kill this and that, break those things" like the world's fucking worst white noise machine that'd be cool thx

    i mean, i appreciate not having many bigger problems than that but. still annoying, ya feel. especially with me trying to not actively being negative with all my might and then this shit comes along and all the "you're never gonna recover from your BS and be functional if you can't stop talking negatively about yourself" posts i ever read come for me, personally,,,

    edit: forgot the "here's a scenario of XYs death" but those might've actually been less? who knows. hate it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2018 at 10:02 AM
    • Witnessed x 2
  7. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    stupid instinctual reactions making everything so complicated because there need to be 5,000 backup plans that prevent me from doing actual things and make the smallest bit a huge problem
    a class trip is a class trip, even if it's in uni, sure it'd really prefer fucking not to but what the hell, i don't like having to mandatorily go away from the city but i also don't like just sitting around doing nothing and....argh
    uni and organizing and trying to get driving license and name change and and and
    why's every mundane thing feel like an overwhelming catastrophe
    lizardbrain sure doesn't help, going "you could just hole yourself up and stop all communication" because that's familiar but i also hate it

    i don't want to be a walking bag of anxiety and a dumb inferiority complex and exhaustion and shitty lizardbrain yelling about death and doom anymore fuck's sake, i want it to stop, i want it to go away, how do i stop this
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018 at 3:51 AM
    • Witnessed x 2
  8. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    none trans with left AAAARRRRGH
     
  9. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    ughhhhh why's my brain tell me i'm shitty for not liking excessive gore or grimdark stuff
    it's pointless as an aesthetic to me and organic gore is so fucking squicky so pls brain shut uuuuuuuup
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  10. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    why is a cartoon robot going "i want my head to be my own also responsibility fucking sucks " such a huge source of fuckor
    anyways i'm not sure if i ever had a personality or was a distinct person but that's fine, just gonna construct the whole thing like some miner craft (tm)
     
  11. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    ffsss i'm so close to yell" THEN FUCKING RELAPSE" at hopeful youtube comments under some songs where people talk about getting better
    i don't even care, i'm getting kinda there myself, so why perchance the fuck is it like thaaaaat. prolly just the old "caring is gay and the internet and the world at large is one big fuckin enemy hivemind" mindset acting up but man, SUCKS.
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  12. Hawkeguy

    Hawkeguy just a comet

    best plan for starting cool leg: be as little conforming as i can, aka drop the fucking disguise act. hopefully get in a fight or at least make it known that i'm unquestionable, not to be questioned. if that doesn't go over, break someone's kneecaps or at least cement a reputation because i'm not dealing with the whole patient tolerance of people's bullshit any longer and anyone who needs me to justify my existence very five seconds honestly deserves to get a fist to the ribs
     
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