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high pitched screaming forever: a grad school story

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Chiomi, Sep 26, 2017.

  1. Chiomi

    Chiomi superhero

    20 minutes until meeting. I have so much to do still - not least getting this abstract out tonight - and I'm already just, like, tired to the bone.

    And having the crippling insecurity again. Like. I know I'm doing profoundly cool research. What if I don't write well enough to get accepted to talk at things?
    • Witnessed x 2
  2. Chiomi

    Chiomi superhero

    Putting this here to refer to when I inevitably freak out again: J thinks it's going to be really easy to transition, because not only do I have financial and moral support from A, but I've been doing pretty well and I contribute to stuff.
    • Winner x 3
  3. Chiomi

    Chiomi superhero

    so i'm supposed to be smart. and i am smart. like, have been called spooky-smart, 2/3 of my committee has outright said they think i'm smarter than them and the third thinks i should casually have been able to do an absolutely insane schedule.

    but it's friday and i haven't slept well this week and i had three meetings today and i have another meeting in half an hour and i've been stressy and i feel so dumb. Like. I don't think I can write because words are hard, and I stare at my code and have no idea where this stupid error came from. my brain is just fart noises and failure and i think i might have been inadvertently rude to not just the visiting scholar but also the visiting candidate for [fancy job] and i hate it. also why can't i stop running my mouth when i'm tired.

    blarghhhh papers why. i need to write a 20 page paper by next thursday and my thesis proposal and my application letter for the next program and then start writing for publication and writing applications for conferences
    • Witnessed x 1
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