Alright, long, multipart question on how to function like an actual adult/human/existence, filled with me setting up roadblocks and generally being kind of whiney. Homework I am a really terrible procrastinator. Part of it is that I have a lot of trouble with deadlines- I kind of don’t realize how close something is until it’s, like, three hours away. Part of it is that I have a hard time convincing myself that the busywork is necessary. Part of it- especially with things like math- is that it’s really hard to convince myself to do things that are almost physically painful to do- doing math above elementary algebra is seriously one of the most frustrating, stressful things in the world for me. Things like bribing myself to do homework kind of doesn’t work because I’m always just like, “...wait, there’s nothing keeping me from having the reward now.” Are there any other good tips? Doing Chores Kind of the same deal as above, but with added, “Wait I was going to do this but then I got distracted by the book on my desk/the song that came up on my ipod/the next post on my dash that I saw as I was about to close the comp.” Eating Well My diet is really really terrible, and as far as I can tell it’s because a) there’s a lot of texture stuff- whole grain or multigrain bread has those little seeds or w/e in it, a lot vegetables are slimy or stringy or whatever the fuck broccoli has going on b) I am a super picky eater and can’t do bitter or spicy foods c) I eat a lot of comfort food because I spend a lot of time being very sad. I have basically tricked myself into liking avocados by a process of “having it in small amounts with things I like, then larger amounts”- ie having it in sushi, then with tuna salad, and now I won’t like, eat it straight but I’m pretty alright with it. Is there anything I can do like that with other healthy foods? We don’t have a lot of food money- around 300 a month in food stamps, plus whatever we can spare from mom’s costuming gigs- and I am a hilariously bad cook, like, I have to call other people over every other second because I am freaking out over whether I am overdoing the meat or underdoing it and poisoning us all or what if I forgot to do x- which has precedent, because I quite often forget things like “flour” or “sugar” when even making cookies. Exercising I am basically sedentary. I’m already fat, and I’m always worried that even out walking people are looking at me and judging me and whatnot, let alone actually exercising- even when I’m alone, I get really self conscious and “who are you even kidding, trying to exercise is pointless”. I also get extremely frequent neck pains and shoulder pains that nearly make it too painful to stand up, probably because of posture (side note: does anyone know how to improve posture?), which doesn’t make exercising and getting even more sore seem too tempting. Because I am fat and inherited my moms shitty lungs and anemia on top of it, I get very out of breath and tired very quickly, which on top of sucking makes me even more self conscious. Right now we don’t have any functioning bikes, and every time I’m like “hey, maybe I should buy this bike” (which is aqua and bright raspberry pink and I covet it) dad says that he’s going to repair an old one for me. He’s said that for years. Other points: I kind of super hate doing things like exercising alone, since it tends to leave me alone with my thoughts much more than I like. Also, I have a Thing about hating to just walk for walkings sake- I want to have a purpose, like, to be actually going to a place, otherwise I get super antsy and more often than not without a specific destination and a map I get lost. The problem is that there’s really nothing to DO, especially without spending money, and most of the places around here are food places, which seems to defeat the purpose. Making Friends I’m super super awkward around people, online and in person. I’ve gone to college for 1 ½ years now and I barely remember anyone’s name, let alone have made friends. I have zero idea how friends are MADE. I’m scared of imposing myself on people or making relationships more than they are because there’s been a lot of times when I’ve thought I was someone’s friend, only to find out that they thought of me as an acquaintance, or that when I was uncomfortable hanging out with my ex people were actually just friends with my ex, not me, or at the very least refused to take sides to the point of “wouldn’t hang out with me without them.” Even when people assure me they’re my friend, I don’t want to spend too much time with them or bother them too much because I’m scared they’ll realize I’m annoying, like my ex did or others did. The downside to this is that I spend a lot of time super, super lonely, and I really don’t know how to deal with that. Getting a Job This is kind of an amalgam of a bunch of issues listed above- I’m bad with people, I’m lazy, I’m unattractive, I’m insecure, I’m bad at chores, ect. I’m also super clumsy and am constantly checking to make sure I am doing things right, and I frequently turn into a sobbing, shaking wreck because I’m stressed, because someone said something that set me off, because I thought something that set me off, because I failed at a simple task and went into a shame spiral, ect. There’s also basically nothing that I am good at- I’m not coordinated, I move at roughly the speed of molasses, I get stressed easy, I am not a good speaker or writer or artist and I can’t do crafts or anything. I have no idea how I am going to get a job but I know I will have to, not least because my parents are dropping a bunch of hints about it. I just don’t know what to do. So, um, I might think of more issues later, but right now this is about all I can get out. Any advice?