So... due to a lot of trauma stuff I never really learned how to deal with anger in a constructive way and thanks to the trauma stuff and the CPTSD it caused I sometimes get random violent spikes of anger. I mean, when they're triggered by something specific I can find a way to talk myself down but idk how to deal with those random spikes without resorting to coping mechanisms that aren't healthy for me. A common thing people mention is sports, I know, but if I exercise when I'm angry I only get to the point where I'm even more energetic and furious bc my body can't keep up due to health shit. So... how do I make that go away or turn it into something more productive? I only seem to be able to sit and stew in it so far ._. Or engage with my violent intrusive thoughts, that's... not really better. So if anyone has any advice I'd absolutely appreciate it.
Your mileage may vary on all this, and my apologies if I'm saying something you've already tried. But do you have any creative hobbies? When I'm angry, I channel it into writing (usually something self-indulgently violent, and not necessarily something I'm intending to share publicly--taking out my anger on fictional characters makes me feel a lot better) or cross-stitching (I've heard a quote that's something like, "Cross-stitch: for when you want to stab something thirty thousand times", and it is very soothing to me to just poke a needle through some fabric over and over). Or you could write out what you're angry about/what you're feeling on paper (and maybe tear it up or burn it or something, that's been helpful for me too). Tl;dr writing or drawing or sewing or something might be helpful--channel the violent energy into something fictional, beat up your OCs/your fave characters or stab fabric a bunch.
Oooh, cross-stitching is a coping mechanism I would have never considered on my own but I used to love doing that as a kid! I'll try that and see if it's a thing that works for me, thank you for pointing me in that direction!
i also like to write, especially something self-indulgent or violent, if i'm able to words if not i also like to clean, although i like to clean most of the time, so ymmv, but i find it's something to focus on, it's productive, it moves my limbs and makes them do something that isn't self-destructive sometimes i like to shred paperwork that needs to be shredded with my hands instead of the shredder because it feels good to ruin things, but only if theyre things i actually want ruined or maybe even just locking myself in a room and just flailing quietly, letting the spasms out
trying to engage/unpack the anger can be equally productive or serve as a means to make the anger worse if im able to i try to work out; if i can't then a lot of loud immersive music can help and then once i feel like i've gotten it at least a little bit out of my system it's good to try to distract myself with something calmer like watching a show over tea or reading fic -- i understand if there's not a Want or drive to calm down bc anger can be satisfying to feel, but doing a calm helps considerably in the long run trying to unpack and then rebuild more positively is a healthier way to try to rewire a trauma-developed brain imo catharsis is the word i'm looking for!
oh, yes! i agree with jake cleaning helps a lot. especially doing dishes. there's something very calming about attacking a filthy sink, scrubbing it and every dish in it within an inch of its life with music blasting, and then stepping away to see it sparkling catharsis!
I agree with the suggestions above about trying to find a safe, healthy go-to way of venting the anger. Vent art or turning your energy towards something busy like cleaning or crafts or exercise is good, ime; I also find that venting the anger to someone/something can be very helpful for getting it out. YMMV, as with anything—it's possible that in some cases talking about how angry you are might lead you to dwell on it further and get more worked up instead of calming down, but I usually find it pretty helpful, especially if I'm able to vent to someone else or in a space where I can feel heard and validated (e.g., talking to a friend, posting in a vent thread or a chat or on a social media site, etc.). Even just writing something down in a journal can help. It doesn't necessarily make me less angry, per se, but it makes the anger less all-consuming and distracting because then I feel I've at least satisfied its need to be expressed and heard, and it's no longer nagging at me to do something about it. The other technique I've learned, from the time I spent in DBT therapy, is opposite-to-emotion action, which is basically a strategy of reducing the intensity of irrational emotions by doing the opposite of what they give you the urge to do. Essentially, by deliberately acting contrary to what the emotion makes you feel like doing, you can disrupt the feedback loop through which emotions reinforce themselves and (hopefully) cause the intensity of the feeling to drop. Over time, this can also help reduce that particular emotional reaction, by basically teaching your brain that it's not a necessary or helpful response in that particular situation. What specific actions are helpful depends on the emotion and the circumstances; I haven't used it for anger much myself, but generally the suggestions I've heard are that if you're angry and have the urge to lash out, yell, attack someone, etc., it can help to try to do something calming or soothing, to quietly remove yourself from and avoid the situation/person you're angry at for the moment (if applicable), and/or to do something kind (for anyone! yourself, a friend, a random stranger you leave a nice comment online... it could be for the person you're angry at, but only if you genuinely want to, not out of some kind of obligation.) You could probably find more detailed information by googling, or talking to someone knowledgeable in the area if you have access to anyone like that. That said, if you do try that method, I'd recommend being careful to use it in a healthy way? From what you've said about your history, it sounds like you're already dealing with damage done by not being able to feel and express your anger, and I definitely don't want to suggest you should deal with the issues you're having now by repressing it. Opposite action is useful as a tool for the practical issue of "I'm feeling an emotion that doesn't actually make sense in situation or that's overly intense, and I need to calm down some to function properly", but that's all it is, and it can be pretty easy to get in the habit of just bottling up your emotions if you're using that kind of technique without also giving yourself an outlet to actually express those emotions at other times/trying to address the root causes. (I, uh, speak from experience.) In your case, it seems likely you have a lot of anger that is totally merited, even if it's currently coming out at bad times and/or sometimes directed at the wrong targets? In that kind of situation, I think the most important thing long-term is probably to find a way to work through and let yourself feel that anger, whether now or at a later date when you're in a good enough place that you can do so safely; and either way, it's probably more helpful to have an outlet for addressing your feelings than to just rely on self-soothing techniques to make them go away every individual time they come up. But those techniques can still be pretty useful provided they're not your only support!
I'm kinda lacking spoons for a very long response but thank you all for pointing me towards so many new coping skills to try, I have a lot of new things to try now! I'll try to see what's best for me and I hope that maybe someone else who has the same/a similar problem can find some help among the suggestions here. @keltena I wanted to say thank you in particular for your thought out and expansive reply, I really appreciate it! I'll have to try opposite-to-emotion action, that actually sounds like it could be very useful for me. At least for that senseless, no reasons anger, as you said bottling up necessary anger isn't really going to be helpful in the long term.
