How to not feel like hurting people?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Wretched and Vile, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Wretched and Vile

    Wretched and Vile A very bad person

    My gears are easily grinded, petty bs and what not
    And I feel sometimes the strong feeling of wanting to hurt people physically because they irritate me

    Which of course is bad and not good

    It's restrained always, and one reason I don't go drinking alcohol is if I have lower inhibitions I might go hurting people. I have other reasons why I don't drink but yeah. Lower inhibitions -> possibility of violence

    But like

    The feeling sucks

    Like I never act on them and i know that's the right thing to do!

    But god do i feel like
    This need to attack people when I'm angry or irate
    I hate it! It feels very bad! I don't like telling people this cause it's lol haha I want to beat people up cause they piss me off haha, it's not a good fucking look! Also it looks edgy and embarrassing.
    The restraining feels frustrating and bad, the feeling of being so easily aggravated feels very bad being angry sucks

    And like, I understand well what gets me angry. I know a lot of times it's not people's fault or its not to cause ill will or it's because of my low esteem or whatever issues. I'm angry and I know why yet knowing why I'm angry doesn't make me less angry

    Anyway sorry, I don't know if this is the right place to post this and I'll delete if needed

    Thank you for reading this and if you have any advice, it will be appreciated
    • Witnessed x 2
  2. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Heya. So, I'm not honestly sure, I've never been great at not feeling like hurting people sometimes, although I've gotten better at it with practice.

    Mostly, though, I just recognize that I can want to hurt people, and I can want to eat nothing but bacon, but neither of those is necessarily a good idea. But also, getting used to thinking about people's things from other angles (not necessarily their perspective, even) can sometimes help, and just recognizing that there's usually more going on than I'm seeing has helped a lot.

    But like. One of our cats squeaks a lot, and it's not her fault she's got food insecurity problems and anxiety, she's a fucking cat, she can't know better, she can't do therapy, she can just be afraid. And she's a sweet and delightful animal and I want her to be happy. But I also want her to stop fucking squeaking when I'm trying to do something. But she can't. So I stop, and take a deep breath, and check her food (there's plenty left, she's not sane), and her water, and pet her, and let her know that of course there is food. And I dunno. Somehow doing that makes it more tolerable. Like, I'm not just not-hitting-her, I'm acknowledging that from her perspective (filtered through a brain the size of a walnut), there is a serious problem and it needs attention. And that helps my brain calm down and place the squeaking in her context, which is that she passed out bleeding and starving in the snow and woke up in what is, so far as she knows, heaven. And yet! She doesn't know that there's going to be more food. Or that the food she's already got won't disappear if she eats it and then be gone. She is... not a smart cat.
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  3. Wretched and Vile

    Wretched and Vile A very bad person

    Hm i don't have a response response but have these pictures of animals as thanks


    Last edited: Feb 3, 2019
    • Winner x 4
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  4. Snitchanon

    Snitchanon What's a mod to a nonbeliever.

    Very good, much thanks.
    • Agree x 3
  5. Wretched and Vile

    Wretched and Vile A very bad person

    Reread this again, thanks Seebs for the past response, I didn't have proper words before cause I wasn't feeling very well

    But im ok right now to say, yeah, I don't know if it will help exactly since sometimes I go on internal fighting dialogue with myself about other people's actions and what not, but is certainly important anyway to like, be considerate no matter what.

    I think ive found looking at funny videos and pictures help dispel intensely negative moods somewhat if the issue is just being pettily angry, but sometimes I fight with itself about that too. Something along the lines of "it's wrong to distract itself from this issue" blah blah

    Oh well
  6. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    when i get angry and feel like punching somebody, i've learned that i need to acknowlege it before i can move on. just recognize that it's what i'm feeling, without either dismissing or validating it. like "ugh i'm really pissed off right now."

    doesn't matter whether the anger is valid or whether it's directed at the right target or whatever. it's just a statement of fact: this is the emotion that is happening.

    then i can move on to like, "i'm just grumpy as all hell today ain't i, i should take a bubble bath" or whatever.
    • Useful x 1
  7. Wretched and Vile

    Wretched and Vile A very bad person

    Thank you for your input

    I guess I have intimately become aware about my feelings n such

    even if your response isn't saying this, it made me acknowledge that I'm pretty ashamed about feeling anger and the like, so when I feel the negative stuff I immediately bash myself for it because getting angry just impedes my ability to work and focus on more important things I should be focusing on, and in that for me personally I feel that anger is a useless emotion because it just gets in the way of my life (especially the case when it happens for small things that in the greater scheme of things don't matter), but the self bashing doesn't really help with that either

    I probably should, i don't know, talk about it as it happens with someone else, venting I guess? Or just make some posts somewhere, write it down, get it out of my head

    But even setting my anger into words feels already too revealing or exposing hm
    • Witnessed x 1
  8. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Talking about how something pisses you off, without necessarily talking about how much, is usually fine, and like. Everyone gets mad about stuff, sometimes stupid stuff.
    • Informative x 1
  9. lvkz

    lvkz Well-Known Karkat

    i mean , have you considered it's ok to be edgy and embarrassing? that maybe you're not violent, all you have trouble with is honoring your feelings? maybe you would actually benefit from some death metal, or embracing the "edgy" things that you so judge yourself for? maybe you would like Aggretsuko, it's about a character who gets mad and lets her feelings out, but is still composed and goes to work daily (I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS SHOW, BUT I HEARD ITS REALLY GOOD)
  10. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I liked Aggretsuko, she's very cute.

    I think there's some tension between "don't try to bottle up feelings" and "don't embrace rage too easily". If you embrace it and endorse it, you're likely to keep wanting to hurt people and find it hard not to act on that. If you repress it, you're likely to hurt people because you aren't in touch with your feelings. The trick is acknowledging it as real, but not endorsing it as a good basis for action.
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