i can't name things and this may become a relevant title

Spoiler: RotE spoilers

tfw a book calls you out

 

this is my diary thread now, i guess

Spoiler: some weekend thoughts

Spoiler: RotE spoilers

Spoiler: extra spoilers

the fool is back!! :D the fool is back :DDD the fool is bACK :DDDDDD ..... that's not the fool D:

Bee's (and fitz's) thing of being extremely secretive because anything may be used against you (...I dont even know why I was like that, but I was), and having these problems that would be solved by communicating about them, but she doesn't know that, because she's a child and it's always been like this. are relatable.

Maybe I'll make a RotE thread one of these days...


yesterday i woke up early and got stuff done, but then it wasn't 7am anymore and there were people (my roommates, specifically) walking around the apartment outside my bedroom doing things so it became exdys time! I should probably go home on the weekends. I would get more done and feel less lonely. but. i hate the bus
.... that's a dumb excuse


My mom did the thing i asked her not to do of insisting i tell/ask a specific mostly-stranger something specific as an invitation to socialize more/to network (in this case ask my roommate to hang out/if she wanted me to take her sightseeing) i reminded her that i had asked her no to (of which i'm quite proud) and she apologized, but i doubt she'll stop doing the thing. I also asked the roommate to hang out. She said "maybe next week"


ugh, i hate the way i talk (as in, string words together) it's weird and awkward

 

dark University show me the non-terrible stats profs. please

 

in related news I've been applying a policy of Asking All Of The Questions during labs and it's been extremely helpful for the anxiety

 

Spoiler: Realm of the Elderlings, imaginary violence??

i am going to punch FitzVigilant Whatever in they goshdarn face. leave Bee alone ohmygoddddd

 

The Internship so far:
- My coworker talks a lot, which is good because my brain goes quickly and decisively to "you're the absolute worst and are achieving way less than anyone else would" without external input, and talking to others keeps that bullshit calibrated.
- Coworker says things like "I will work on this at home" and other overachiever things, and I need to keep things to strictly the 20h I'm getting paid for and am worried about getting roped into ....tacitly agreeing to doing overtime or sth.

 

tfw the semester goes from boring to overwhelming in a couple of days.
and you knew it was going to happen, but it's not like there was anything you could do about it, and so you just hoped.


who invented the concept of semesters and can I yell at them

 

....this practice exam for this class where you're supposed to work on the project because if you have to rely on the exam grade you're fucked seems really easy? What Am I Doing Wrong

 

I am but a simple computer scientist, what are all these long s's doing in my homework

 

the bullshit-obscure-program-with-no-documentation-that-i-must-install-to-do-homework of the day worked after only one fix. this never happens i'm going to cry

 

lately when i say e.g i got offered a job my mom gets all proud instead of going well why isn't google offering you a job??? you slacker???? like i would expect and it's weird [tbcmaybe]

 

how does one friends

 

my sister missed the bus which means the parents have to drive her to the city to catch the train which means angry driving which means Worrying :| and also I feel like I'm gonna get yelled at, which, brain, shut up

 

grumbles about coworker trying to guilt me into [what i don't think he thinks of as] unpaid overtime.
"I'm falling way behind on my uni work to work on this" well maybe don't... do that?

 

my brain is bad at viewing people as equals instead of superiors/inferiors. I've probably been a jerkface to coworker this last couple of days about his code just because he's made dumb objections (which honestly despite being dumb imply an ability to think of the consequences of actions beforehand, of which i wish i had any at all) too many times for my brain to keep him in the (default) superior category. this is dumb and BAD. how do i not do this.



[insert much unrelated whining]





if i make it to tomorrow at late pm i get to hug the doggo. i can do this.

 

well that was a waste of three hours. .. i need to get better at trusting other people's assessments of things.

 

"choose any algorithm you want and change it in some way" what do you think I am, a human being capable of independent thought?

 

the whole "work on the project because you're going to fail the final!!!!!!" thing makes me so angry.
- why are you making your exam, which is 60% of the grade, so hard
-it gives me hella anxiety and basically guarantees I'll procrastinate like hell on the project
-i'm probably going to do pretty well on the exam!!! i am good at exams! and I was already going to work on the project!! you're lying to me and making me anxious about nothing for no reason!
-it's always the math people. Like, maybe take a long hard look at your teaching, assholes

 

aaaaaaaaah I don't want to do this project, there's no obvious right solution and I don't like iiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttt
I remember the profs giving some critical tips on how to solve the thing but of course I didn't write them down so I guess I'm basically doomed to remember each of them after I've finished doing the thing the dumb way
I'm going to have to go to office hours, am I not? I never go to office hours. I don't know how to go to office hours, I always think I have to have some useful questions ready and then by the time I've figured out what I can't solve it's the night before deadline at 4 am. how does one go to office hours. And one needs to send an email to go to office hours. What kind of policy is that! of course nobody goes to office hours! Why can't everyone have set office hours like that one prof.
why am i a masters student if the thought of working on not perfectly solvable questions makes me want to cry
i hate math classes

 

Spoiler: more tantrumming

man i wish profs at least had the fucking decency to actually know the language they're supposed to teach their "look at just how abstract our thought is, we're so logical and it's not our fault that everyone is terrible at our class" class in