i can't name things and this may become a relevant title

[internal screaming]

 

Spoiler

I had a moment of unwarranted optimism wrt my ability to not get annoyed at old people. and now i gotta spend a week alone with grandma. I lured her in with false promises of a granddaughter who can keep her grumpiness mostly in check. but can't actually deliver.

how can she talk so much tho. i would get such a headache.
she keeps trying to tell me what i want to do, and i, of course, keep doing the exact opposite, because that's the kind of person i am

 

): i want to go home

 

gaaahhh. human interaction.... whY.

 

- everything is overwhelming
- i'm unable to focus on anything else while i have an unsolved problem that involves talking to people
- the person this problem involves just will not give me a straight answer, which means i'm the worst person ever (the person would surely give a straight answer to someone who wasnt such a terrible human)
- i skipped work yesterday, partly for extremely dumb reasons that also led to my fancy new suede shoes getting soaked, and i can't make it up today because my ability to work at unusual hours depends on my problem being solved. im the absolute worst human
fakeedit
- apparently there was a way to sidestep my problem. the solution was, unsurprisingly, talking to more people. fuck i hate everything

 

i didn't have any ibuprofen blisters, because i'm bad at humaning and forgot to pack them, but i did have a sediment of ibuprofen half-pills in my toilettries bag, because i'm super bad at humaning, so all is well

 

*is used to Unity and totally overwhelmed by C++*

 

i sleep too much. i should sleep less during the day, because this way i get nothing done, not any work but also not any drawing or reading.
the only way is probably not going home after classes, since having a bed at hand is too tempting... but not going home means i have to carry my laptop and lunch around all day, and my upper back is already kinda fucked... mmm i don't know.
also, ive been getting nothing done at work, because work is boring. except work isn't inherently boring, i just suck at liking things

 

why is this so condescending xd

i feel like i've made the exact post as the previous one a few times.( also this one.) it's...a persistent problem

 

- printing stuff to console really is slow as heck
- coffee is magic

 

update: opengl still overwhelming

 

i managed to draw a moving square

 

Spoiler

i am sad* and want attention but being noticed is Bad
*about how i always end up avoiding people that try to make friends and that i'd like to be friends with

 

this is a thread of lotr quotes now.
"We might try to hurt or frighten this tree to begin with,' said Sam fiercely. 'If it don't let them go, I'll have it down, if I have to gnaw it.'"
gnaw it. nice

 

i have multiple moving particles that collide with planes
still gotta do hella stuff for tomorrow
including ~~~gui stuff~~~

 

hey sister it is not my duty to make sure your schedule doesn't have any gaps >:|

 

Spoiler: whining

it's still so hot here and it's extra super hot at work and it's hard to focus and i hate just being there, nevermind doing anything
also it's hard to focus bc i hate the job even though it's objectively pretty cool and the problem is def on me
and i'm a useless person that wastes so much time sleeping or just literally staring at the wall while everyone else manages to do actual good work and keep up with adulting stuff and probably talk to another person more than once a week
and doing things is so hard. it's so hard and everything is so boring and i hate it

 

Spoiler

*takes a while to leave the classroom after class because she is a sad sad person and professors sometimes give you that sweet acknowledgment of your existence if you do that*

 

i can't read the name Glorfindel without thinking of this

Spoiler: vid

 

"At that moment there was a knock on the door, and Sam came in. He ran to Frodo and took his left hand, awkwardly and shyly. He stroked it gently and then he blushed and turned hastily away."
... that's gay