woo i finished the fellowship of the ring! i had tried a few times before, but, the pacing. but it gets way better after a while and with the wiki open to keep track of wtf they're talking about also, sam continues to be the true precious
me: ok i can do that but it's going to take a little time boss: but it's just adding an if, right me: *internal screaming*
Spoiler: extreme rambling, slightly about sex/morality/religion? i have a pretty strong (i am often surprised by how much it isn't the norm) tendency to react to problems by thinking about how do i adapt/work around them instead of getting annoyed/angry/trying to find solutions. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it in this thread. I don't know why I'm like this. possibly genetics? my dad is sort of like this? but not really, because what he does is get super angry and not be able to stop and think to try to find solutions... so i guess he's actually the opposite. my mom is also the opposite, she's very practical and always has ideas for problem solving (except for some things? sometimes she gets stuck bc of exdys i think), which also makes her clash with my sister sometimes when my sister is upset about something and wants comforting, because my mom always tries to problemsolve. So, I don't know. my personality is just extremely reactive, i guess. and this causes a bunch of problems. while also having some good sides, like, i react pretty well to certain types of crises, because emotional reaction tends to come really late to never. Not sure that's the same personality aspect, now i think about it. I also just don't get angry in most situations, though i do get angry pretty fast about certain types of things. I'd like to characterize what these types of things are, but i'm not sure i can. the angriest i remember getting was when i was living with a very religious family for reasons, (while being very non-religious myself, and also a teenager) and they told me i couldn't go to a figure drawing class because drawing naked people is "a sexual act". I also get reliably angry when somebody asks me "why aren't you doing [something] this other way". possibly because it reminds me of being a teenager when everyone was extremely judgemental about everyone else all the time. i also was kind of angry two posts ago. I think because this particular boss (i have a few) tends to give feedback in a way that reads as kind of condescending? like he'll point at something that is obviously a mistake and be like "hmm i think i wouldn't do it this way, because [long explanation from UI perspective]" and generally have a lot of UI opinions that i tend to disagree with. so... i guess I get angry about people judging me(to be clear the problem in the first example really wasn't that i felt judged, i just cared that they had Wrong Opinions and imposed them on me)/disagreeing with me while being in a position of authority?
Spoiler: judgemental, i can't sleep,... ,... i don't know what's up with the rambling. hmmm didn't realize my roommate asking is it warm now meant she intended to leave the heating on all night and now it's too dang hot in here and i'm vaguely annoyed because i told her we have something vaguely resembling winters here and she should get a nordic thingy a while ago and she was like "but that'd be expensive" and like do you think the heating is free. also annoyed that i acccidentaly agreed that the heating is a good idea. and also you've seen my excessive amount of winter bedding like ask! me! to borrow! some stuff! or at least let me know youre cold at night and i'll offer dammit. i'm also just generally annoyed about people from well off families doing the "but i'm a poor student" thing like ok my mom is probably way freer with the cash than average, but come on, you can afford some fucking blankets
i don't like class presentations because i suck at communicating intelligibly, especially out loud, and prezs make me confront this fact for twenty minutes, in front of people explicitly judging me, and without procrastination breaks
finished presentation, it was ok. but, apparently there's an exam on monday????? and i was supposed to know already????? whyyyyyyy does every class insist on having their own way of announcing these things and whyyyyy don't i research these things and put them in my calendar at the start of the semester like a responsible adult
hey brain. hey? brain? if you're there?? please give me an indication of why the fuck we're sad today
i need a "complete how to compile c++ guide for idiots who never really learned what's happening and keep forgetting and mixing up methods: now with an useful where the fuck is glew again appendix", also a "what opengl code belongs to which version and which helper library and just generally what is opengl guide"and it's UNFAIR that i have to piece them together from tutorials that assume you know these things or just teach a framework without any context [#not actually upset about this because i think i get it ~60% now, but there's been tears b4]
me *actually looking at the work i have to do for finals*: this looks...doable?? what am i missing. what am i missing